Taking the fourth
THIS WEEK’S WINNER
MANILA, Philippines - Fulton V. Acosta is a lawyer, husband and father to three girls, Adrienne, Nina and Cheska. “Being a father has really honed my ability as a lawyer. Every day I negotiate, set terms and agreements, argue my side and present evidence — and I’m just talking about dealing with my daughters.” His favorite quote comes from Martin Luther King, who said: “That old law about ‘an eye for an eye’ leaves everybody blind. The time is always right to do the right thing.”
W.C. Fields once said, “If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.” Sometimes I feel that that phrase sums up man’s never-ending search for truth amid the quagmire of lies that surround us. In a society where truth shall not set you free but will instead shred your pathetic life to pieces — where a convicted child rapist still proclaims his innocence and is freed after doing a little time in prison, where a rape victim is labeled a liar for telling the truth and lambasted when she “retracts” her story — have we become liars or pretenders ourselves?
Oh yes, we all pretend. As a lawyer, it is ingrained in us to always seek the truth or the “truth” that our clients feed us. Maybe in our quest to win the case, to make a brilliant presentation in court and slay our opponent with our verbal sword, we sometimes lose sight of what it is we are fighting for. After all, it is so much easier to believe “truth” that is wrapped nicely with a bow and presented on a silver platter rather than dig it up under a pile of manure and garbage.
Indeed, it is a sad day for us when the word truth becomes a dirty word. In my quest for a little enlightenment (Mark Twain would have sneered at the irony of a lawyer seeking truth, for he once said: “It is interesting to note that criminals have multiplied of late, and lawyers have also; but I repeat myself.”), I came across the book
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.
It is a book by a nagual (master) “sharing the wisdom of the ancient Toltec” who were “women and men of knowledge.” Toltec knowledge, in turn, is “a way of life, distinguished by the ready accessibility of happiness and love.”
Sometimes, a lawyer can’t help but become a misanthropic egotist. Inundated as they are with stories of human frailties, treachery and corruption every day. In an imperfect world like ours; the downfall of humanity is most gaudily captured in color and 3D high-definition in court rooms, in prison cells, or even across the negotiation table in some dingy place with some corrupt officials.
Every day we face a world where war is being waged not with guns but within ourselves. Newton’s Third Law of Motions states: “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.” What we do matter. Martin Luther King delivered his speech “I Have A Dream” from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial and changed the lives of thousands of people and became the catalyst that ended racial segregation in America. In China, a lone man, carrying a briefcase in one hand and a bag of groceries in another, stood in front of the tanks at Tiananmen Square during a protest rally that killed thousands of people. That single iconic moment became a symbol for bravery and courage. The Son of God sacrificed his life on the cross and mankind was saved.
But are we truly free? Isn’t is true that we are still being held prisoner by those invisible chains called doubt, fear, indifference and obliviousness? These are the viruses that stem from one single, deadly germ — the germ of non-discernment.
It is present in all of us. It is exactly, in street terms, what is “eating us.” It allows us to be ruled, worst of all, without our knowledge. Throughout our lifetime, we have been continually bombarded with a gamut of rules, systems, mores and conventions. Being a lawyer, I love rules. I thrive on following a certain code, a set of rules that would differentiate the legal from illegal, from acceptable behavior to criminal behavior (believe me, sometimes the line is drawn so fine it is almost invisible).
Realistically, we have had no choice but to agree to abide by them because they were imposed upon us, perhaps by well-meaning parents, friends, mentors and role models. It is easier to follow the norm and be a part of a whole. When we do, we form an invisible “agreement” that will rule us. We, lawyers, love to talk about agreements, right? It’s so much easier and requires less work to establish the terms beforehand and just sign on the dotted line. Unknowingly, we have become sycophants to them, played them like hapless and helpless peons and puppets. These so-called agreements form part of the fog that clouds our mind, obstructs our vision and impedes our journey to be our true self.
And here lies the source of one’s unhappiness. Because there are more agreements to abide by, there are more chances of not living up to them.
The basic question in The Four Agreements is: Do we really need all these agreements? Its fundamental gift is discernment, particularly that not all the agreements imposed on us are necessary to live a full and happy life.
One caveat, though, is that this discernment can lead one to question his very core beliefs and perceptions. I found myself asking thought-provoking questions specifically about sin, heaven and hell, resurrection and, yes, God. But it is only when one begins to question does the search for truth begin.
In that sense, the book is radical and must be approached with a high degree of maturity. But then, wasn’t Jesus Christ the original icon of radicalism?
Old agreements are then revisited, reviewed and possibly dispensed with. In place of your old agreements, new agreements will be adopted. Simple and succinct, The Four Agreements are:
1) Be impeccable with your word. Don’t use your exclusive human power to communicate against others. Doing so will not only destroy that other person by poisoning his mind and the minds of others, but it will ultimately destroy you.
2) Don’t take anything personally. Nothing another does is because of us. Rather it is his own view of the world. You have nothing to do with it. You only happened to be there. The second agreement is your defense to a word not impeccably used against you.
3) Don’t make assumptions. Assumptions form part of the mitoe that creates confusion.
4) Always do your best. While it is said that the first agreement is the most important, this fourth agreement is what makes us fight on, carrying us when we stumble.
There is a principle in law: De minimis non curat lex. It means the law does not concern itself with trifles. In life, we need not be burdened by half-truths, trivial and inconsequential matters. Truth is simple. Not easy, but simple.
