Better attitude means happier life

For this article, I would like to share with you some of the counselling tips of David Geldard, from the book Basic Personal Counselling: A Training Manual for Counsellors. Professor Geldard challenges us to change an incorrect point of view with a better one. Let’s check these out and see if we can apply some of them in our lives:

1.  Incorrect attitude: One must not make mistakes.

Better outlook: The only way not to make mistakes is to do nothing. I’m alive and active. And all active people make mistakes.

2. Incorrect attitude: Other people should not make mistakes.

Better outlook: No one is perfect. I can accept that other people will make mistakes.

(Sometimes, we beat ourselves up for things we have done in the past. But life is a learning process. Young people are naturally risk takers and would like to experiment. If we had made mistakes in the past, we can make amends and become a better and more tolerant person later on.)

3. Incorrect attitude: My happiness depends on other people’s attitudes and behaviors.

Better outlook: My happiness comes from within me and does not depend on others.

4.  Incorrect attitude: I can’t be happy if people judge me.

Better outlook: People will sometimes judge me. That’s inevitable. But I know that I’m okay and that’s what matters.

(It is said that no one understands the unique circumstances of another person entirely. Quick judgments, reprimands, and comments against another person are not entirely accurate. Hence, all we have is an opinion. Perhaps we can try and choose a positive opinion over a negative one.)

5. Incorrect attitude: I must win.

Better outlook: According to the laws of averages, most people will win only 50% of the time. I don’t need to win to feel okay.

6. Incorrect attitude: I must live up to other people’s expectations.

Better outlook: I don’t need to live up to other people’s expectations to be okay.

(Positive thinker Norman Vincent Peale says that the true judge of character comes not when the person is winning, but how he or she rises back from a seeming failure. Perhaps God doesn’t want to give us a comfortable life or else people will grow weak. Problems strengthen our resolve.)

7. Incorrect attitude: People are bad if they do not have the same beliefs and values as mine.

Better outlook: All good people do not think the same; they do not necessarily have the same beliefs and values.

8. Incorrect attitude: I need other people’s approval to feel okay.

Better outlook: It’s nice to get other people’s approval, but I do not need their approval to feel okay.

(Throughout the centuries, good people have espoused conflicting beliefs. Where one is born has a great influence on one’s set of beliefs and religion. What is the correct religion? When does life begin? Are there multiple universes? These are all controversial issues that have divided a lot of good people. Who is to say that we are absolutely right and the other person is wrong?)

9. Incorrect attitude: I must get my own way.

Better outlook: I do not need to get my own way to feel okay. I can sometimes get satisfaction out of letting other people have their own way.

10. Incorrect attitude: I must always please other people.

Better outlook: It’s unrealistic to expect that I can always please other people.

(Man is a social animal. Perhaps we can surround ourselves with people who are more tolerant and have a positive outlook in life.)

11. Incorrect attitude: I must not get angry.

Better outlook: It’s okay to be angry sometimes.

12. Incorrect attitude: I must not cry.

Better outlook: It’s okay to cry.

(There are times when releasing one’s emotions, whether happy, angry or sad, has a beneficial effect on one’s health. Pent-up anger and disappointments can increase one’s blood pressure and cause heart disease. As the Bible says, there is a time for everything. A time for laughter and a time for tears.)

13. Incorrect attitude: I must always be happy.

Better outlook: There is a time to be happy and a time to be sad.

14. Incorrect attitude: Life should be fair and just.

Better outlook: Life is not always fair and just.

(Are there health benefits with having a better outlook? Yes, a tolerant attitude may mean fewer conflicts in our relationships. In fact, changing some of our attitudes may translate to a healthier and happier life.

I know that there are days when we wake up feeling great and inspired. And then, there are not-so-good days. Problems can make us feel uncertain and fearful at times.

However, as Norman Vincent Peale says, there is only one thing stronger than fear. It is faith. We just need to persevere and have faith that it will turn out better in the end. And you don’t need a perfect faith. As Dr. Peale says, even a faith as small as a mustard seed.)

If your personal relationships are not that smooth, you may consider reviewing your outlook. My English teacher in UP Diliman taught me decades ago: “Before writing or saying anything about another person, ask yourself three things: 1) Is it true? 2) Is it fair to the person concerned? 3) Is it kind to the person concerned?” Perhaps we can adopt a better attitude towards the people around us.