Sometimes, forced savings is really the best way to save
Dear Nanay,
I want to call you Nanay, but I am already 76, a mother of seven, grandmother of 11 and lola sa tuhod (great-grandmother) of two girls.
Months ago, I clipped from your column a query of a young married man on how to save for his child and maybe other sons or daughters to follow. We suffered the fate of Ondoy and Pepeng victims here in Marikina. Hundreds of scrapbooks, whose contents I patiently cut and pasted since I was 16, were lost to the flood.
Nevertheless, I have a suggestion for the young man. With my first granddaughter, Tippi, I opened a bank account for her for cash gifts she received when she was born and at her baptism and first Christmas. Then I asked her parents to give me P100 per payday.
This practice I followed with the next 10 apos and the two apos sa tuhod. The P100 per payday I “held up” from the parents was increased to P500 per payday, until it is now P1,000 per payday per apo plus birthday, baptism and Christmas cash gifts.
Believe you me, mas may pera pa ho ang mga apo ko kaysa sa akin (my grandchildren now have more money than me). No withdrawals unless somebody borrows money and I will not rest until that borrowed money is back in my grandchild’s passbook.
To the young man, please start now! This is better than any other means of savings. It will put a spark in your eyes if you see the savings increase as you see your child grow.
Happy savings!
Lita
Dear Lita,
Thank you very much for your letter. It certainly contains common-sense wisdom that many of us tend to forget.
Sometimes, “forced savings” is really the best way to save money. If we do not discipline ourselves to save, we usually end up spending the money uselessly on things we can live without. How many pieces of clothing or pairs of shoes do we all have in our closets that we never wear? How many bags and other things do we have lying around the house that we never use?
And because it is the start of a new year, what better time is there to start saving money? Make it your New Year’s resolution! And don’t forget that this rule of forced savings can work wonders, not just for your children or grandchildren, but for yourself as well.
Sincerely,
Nanay
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In The Closet & At a Crossroads
Dear Nanay,
I am writing to you because I am at a crossroads and don’t know what to do. I turned 28 this year and have been wanting to be with someone, but I can’t because I’m a closeted, straight-acting gay guy. On the one hand, I am not attracted to girls, and on the other hand, I don’t want to be gay. I’ve never been in a romantic relationship because of this. Sort of stuck in-between. How can I love someone when I can’t even love myself? How can I be with a woman when I am not attracted to her? But then, how can I be with a man when I risk being disowned, discriminated against and losing the people I care about? I’ve been ignoring my feelings and attractions since I can remember, but it is getting more and more difficult to ignore, especially now that I am reaching marrying age. For now nobody knows, but people are starting to question me because I’ve never had a girlfriend. Life is too short to live an unhappy one, but it breaks my heart if I ever cause pain and disappointment to my family. I hate myself every day for being gay. And slowly I feel like I am dying inside. If I continue hating myself, I am afraid one day all my will to live will be gone and I won’t want to continue living anymore. What should I do? This is breaking me apart.
Stuck
Dear Stuck
I think the reason you are unhappy with your life is because you do not know who you are and you cannot live your life the way you want to. As you said, you are stuck in the middle. So the first thing you need to do is to find yourself and decide what you really want to be. In your case, hindi mahalaga kung ano ang sasabihin ng iba (what matters is not what others say). Ang mahalaga ay kung ano ang magpapaligaya sa iyo. (What matters is what makes you happy.)
You will make your life much better by doing what your heart really desires. If you are gay, then so be it. Do what you feel will make you happy.
With regard to your family’s acceptance, it is difficult to say how they will react. There are some who accept their children’s choices more openly than others. The best you can do is to explain to them the life you have chosen to live. Tell them that nothing has changed and that you are still the same son they have always had. Given the proper explanations and maybe a little time, I am hopeful that they will accept and love you the same way they have done so in the past.
In the end, follow your heart and do what feels right for you. That is the only way that you will ever be at peace with yourself.
Sincerely,
Nanay
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If you have a question, e-mail us at asknanay@nationalbookstore.com.ph or just drop your letter at drop boxes in all National Book Store branches nationwide.
