Re:Lationships: The new romantics

MANILA, Philippines - Finding love on mIRC is a thing of the past (10 to 15 years). A sexually liberated lifestyle is not necessarily taboo nor something to be shocked about; and not everyone is jaded anymore. There are certain changes in the way we perceive relationships — changes that don’t have to conflict with tradition nor heighten modern points of view. Skyping, for instance, has turned long-distance relationships into online relationships. Lovers who are away from each other can have their own little universe on Skype through video chatting. The new “old” is liberated, while the new “new” is postmodernist. We have built a buffet of both contradicting and complementing beliefs. In social networking terms, “it’s complicated.”

Pseudo-lovers: Are you in a quasi-relationship? czechmatediary.com

The idea of “being together” could become twisted if you’re not indifferent. “If I am exclusively dating someone, it means that ‘kami na.’ But it does not mean we love each other. Nowadays, if you say that you are attracted to one another and if you agree to constantly go out on exclusive dates, it means that you are together,” shares 27-year-old law student Arianne Pascual. If someone you are dating surprises you with a claim that you are lovers, then you are officially in this kind of relationship. And since we are in a culture that still believes in courting, it may come as surprise. “He claims that I’m his ex, but we weren’t officially together. Yes, we were exclusively dating,” 18-year-old John Bago says of her experience.

What about pseudo-lovers in a quasi-relationship? “We treat each other like lovers. But in my case, we don’t have sex, we don’t even kiss. You can’t touch anything except the hands. The funny thing is that we fight as if we’ve been married for so long. He has this concept of ‘us’ when in fact we’re not really together,” Pascual emphasizes. Usually, one partner says, “It’s clear between us that we can never be more than friends. But she’s special to me.”

And what’s the difference between dating and “hanging out”? Hanging out is inconsistently dating someone. You go out sometimes, sometimes you don’t; you sleep together, sometimes it doesn’t happen; and you don’t even know when and if you’re going to see each other again; and there are people who just love to hang out. “It’s spontaneous. We’re just a text away. We’re just conveniently ‘wasting time’ together,” says Andre Flagg, a 32-year-old expatriate in Manila.

We even make imaginary lists of people we like. We’re not limited to one option. We categorize and rank them according to how much we like each one of them — from someone you truly love to potential lovers to someone you can play with and someone you can bring to parties as your last option. You might have even listed people under your MOMOL (“make-out-make-out-lang”) category. But you also have that special “companion material.” “It’s like your modern concept of a soul mate. You have the same views about life and love. She’s the type of person that I can spend my life with not because I’m in love with her, not because I want us to have babies, but because I become myself with her. If I don’t get married or if I get separated, she’s the companion I want to be with,” says 24-year-old call center agent AJ Eusebio.

Pseudo-lovers: Are you in a quasi-relationship? czechmatediary.com

You might not need to look for the strongest love ever. “I don’t want to look for ‘the one.’ Maybe the love of your life has already come and left; you just didn’t notice him, so you have to be open to other levels of intimacy,” Pascual adds. You can always choose to follow your nature.

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Where are you right now? E-mail me at acarlovelasco@gmail.com.