This is about goodbyes
[This week’s edition of “These Aren’t the Droids You’re Looking For†is written solely by Jonty. —Ed]
The first time I ever said goodbye to a friend was in the fifth grade. My best friend then, the one I talked to during class, hung out with when school was done, and copied homework with, left to go to the States for a better life. We promised to keep in touch but the next time I saw him was ten years later. We barely recognized each other. It turned out that when we said goodbye that first time, it would be the last time we’d really see each other again. These goodbyes would happen a lot more, and it would never get easier.
Since that first goodbye, I’ve gained more friends and built stronger friendships. My best friend since grade 7 is a good man named Anjo. I’d like to think we stand on equal footing but in reality I was/am the shorter and fatter Robin to his Batman. Anjo was a consistent honor student and an annual Candy Cutie (really). I, on the other hand, was busy learning all kinds and colors of kryptonite. Despite the differences, we were as close as brothers. In the middle of our freshman year in college, Anjo told me it would be his last year in the Philippines. He’d be leaving at the end of the school year to join his family in California. I remembered then my grade 5 best friend and wondered if this whole best friends leaving happens a lot to people. Instead of pondering about it further, I decided to make the most of what little time left I had with Anjo. We promised to keep in touch and thankfully we do. Through the power of the Internet or sometimes our luck to go to each other’s current country, we still get to hang like before. But not really like before.
I said goodbye to another friend last Sunday. We’ve only been friends for two weeks but the shortness of it did not in any way lessen the relationship. It’s a bit of a gamble to invest in a friendship that could end in half a month. But aren’t all relationships in one form or another a gamble? Why not risk pursuing a friendship instead of being content in being alone? The two weeks ended up being the best two weeks I’ve had in a long time. And even though she left, the gamble was more than worth it. Again, we told each other to keep in touch and I hope we do.
There’s no harder goodbye than losing someone in death. It is even much harder to say goodbye to someone who means so much to you in their last seconds on this earth. It’s been exactly four years yesterday, August 1, since losing my grandmother. Aside from my mom, she is the only other woman I loved more. Losing her in the early morning of the day, when the sky was still its blackest, when everyone else was at peace in their sleep, we stood as a family to say goodbye to the woman who raised us all. It was and still is the hardest goodbye I’ve ever had to say. That was my first encounter with death and though impossible, I continue to pray that it will be the last.
As much as we miss the people who’ve mattered in our lives, we also miss the moments we’ll never have with them again. We’ll miss calling them late at night. We’ll miss going out on those random weekdays. We’ll miss all those Sunday reunions we’ll never have. It’s these moments that build who these people are to us. It’s these moments that we hold on to so tightly because we never want to forget them. It’s these moments that bring them back to us as if they never left.
There are moments in life, brief moments, unexpected moments, that we hold on to forever. We give those moments meaning. We make them more than what they are. It’s in these moments where we see the best of our existence. It’s when we define words like hope, love, and friendship. We hold these moments for as long as we can until inevitably there’s nothing left but to let go. And even then we refuse to do so. As much as it pains us, sometimes we have to let go of these moments. The moments will only be special because we know that at one point we have to let them go.
We choose who we love. It hits us by surprise but still we choose the people we want to be with. These are the people who make the moments great. When we’re with someone we love, nothing else matters. We make the most of the little time we have with them. And the time we do spend with those we love will always be little. It will never be truly enough. When we say goodbye to those that matter to us, it’s always a happy moment as well as a sad one. You’re happy you had it but we’re also sad that it’s over. Despite the loss, we keep at it. We keep building new friendships and strengthening those we already have. Because deep down, we all live for these relationships, these moments.
Even saying goodbye is a moment we hold dear. As painful as it is, we wouldn’t trade it for anything. In fact, the more painful the goodbye, the stronger that relationship is. To simply end or give up when they’re gone is to dishonor the times you’ve had together. It’s a waste of the relationship you’ve built. Saying goodbye can either be an end or a beginning. And as cheesy as it sounds, it’s up to us to be strong enough to hold on to those moments that remind us that it’s better to continue on than it is to end.
