Never an empty nest in cyberspace
The pitter-patter of footsteps appear to be slowly fading now. “Mom, I’m home” is just an echo down memory lane. Times like these make me wish that the house is still alive with the noisy chatter and delightful squeals of little children. The girls are all done with college. One is now based in Australia, and my eldest daughter may soon move in to her new condominium once the development is completed.
I always believed in instilling independence in my children, so I thought it best for them to experience semi-independence by living in a dormitory. When Lauren was a college freshman seven years ago, she moved in to her dormitory in Quezon City even if our home was just in Makati City. Oh, the withdrawal pangs! The impact of the empty nest left me in a teary sentimental disposition during the first week. Although Marielle, my second daughter, was around, this was the first time a child left for a long period of time. Pretty soon, Marielle and Lauren were both residing in dormitories. As Butch, my husband, and I sat by the dinner table, he held my hand and sighed “We’re alone.” I hugged him and could only mutter to say “This is a preview of our empty nest.” This temporary transition, though uncomfortable, did wonders to our marriage since we had more time to go out on dates and get involved with our advocacy. Along the way, I found out that the empty nest is really not that bad after all as I discovered real-time tools for communicating with my daughters.
One Friday night in 2007, the girls were unable to go home due to some schoolwork. It’s amazing how Google Talk brought the distance so much closer. The girls preferred communication via instant messaging (IM) as it can be less intrusive than telephone. It’s so funny. Butch was a door away busy chatting with the two girls on his desktop PC. I was holed up in my cozy nook as I multi-tasked with my Macbook. We’re in four different computers chatting away and catching up with our lives. With the slight tapping noise on the keyboard, I imagined their babble just as loudly as if they were right beside me. I talked about the naughty antics of their pet cats, and nagged them about their vitamins and keeping their room clean. These talks also relieved school stress as they ranted about their homework and cranky professors.
A preview of the use of communication technology during the kids' college years worked quite well for my family that it continues to bridge us even from a distance. My recent surgery made it impossible to celebrate Christmas together but with a Skype video call, we were brought all together in cyberspace. I enabled technology-driven communication lines where my two daughters are able to get in touch with us practically 24/7. I want to be available when my daughters need to talk to me as if they were with me physically. Each one of us owns a mobile phone that contains applications for instant messaging or video calls. As the main contact person, I make sure that I am always online through two Internet mobile providers, a mobile wi-fi modem, and a mobile power pack. Though email is still used, there are a number of mobile phone applications that give real-time communication. These two are the ones I use frequently with my girls:
1, Skype mobile – Now that video calling is available, I can use my phone even when I am mobile. I buy Skype credits so I can send SMS or call my daughter’s mobile phone for as little as 2.3¢ per min.
2. eBuddy – With eBuddy, I can have one single buddy list from multiple IM and social accounts. With push notifications, I can stay online and get an alert with sound or vibration to notify me of new messages, even when I exit the app.
Though Skype provides me with free video calls to allow a view of real-time parties at home, it can only be viewed by one family member at a time. The Qik comes in handy when I want to show special or spontaneous moments on video with my mobile phone. What I would give to have my children to be with us always.
The reality is that all of us want our children to strike out on their own. We worked hard to get them there. When the young "birds" leave the nest, we are shocked at how painful the initial weeks can be. Technology will never replace the physical presence of our children, but it surely brings comfort knowing that they can still get in touch with us. Indeed, there is life before the empty nest and there is life after, but there is never an empty nest in cyberspace.
