Why do young ladies fall for old guys?

Marriage is a lottery in which men stake their liberty and women their happiness.

– Madame Virginie de Rieux, 16th-century French writer

Why are there pretty young women who keep falling inexplicably in love with more mature guys, some older by 20 years or more? Why is the 39-year-old sultry singer-actress Zsa Zsa Padilla so enamored with the 75-year-old King of Comedy Dolphy, with persistent reports that they may soon get married on Dec. 8 in San Francisco or Los Angeles after Zsa Zsa has shot all her scenes in the Regal/Eric Matti/Roy Iglesias grand film project Mano Po 2?

Are these romances really beyond logic, thus validating Virgil’s facetious claim that love conquers all?

How do we explain the phenomenon of May-December weddings, such as that of prima ballerina Lisa Macuja’s marrying the 24-year older ethnic Spanish business tycoon Fred Elizalde, American journalist Beth Day’s marriage to the then elder statesman Carlos P. Romulo, or Kris Aquino’s various dalliances with older men, or a young Filipina doctor who was the wife of the late elder American lawyer William Quasha?

When Philippine Star asked vice presidential bet Loren Legarda why she wed an older guy like ex-Governor Tony Leviste, she said: "Let’s not focus on that, just say I want to project my own independent identity as a young nationalist leader. My husband understands. I have dropped the surname Leviste, so let’s not discuss marrying older men." Governor Leviste quickly told this writer: "Who’s old? I’m not yet old!"

In Manila before the Japanese invasion, US General Douglas MacArthur fell in love with local mestiza actress Isabel Rosario "Dimples" Cooper. The mistress was only 16 years old, while General MacArthur was already 50 years old. Artists and writers who were older guys when they stole the hearts of young women include Pablo Picasso and his 30-year younger wife Dora Maar, W.B. Yeats and his 28-year younger Georgie Hyde Lees, Charles Dickens and his 27-year younger Ellen Lawless Ternan, and filmmaker Woody Allen and his 43- year younger ethnic Korean wife Soon-Yi Previn.

Is it possible that some young women fall for older men because many men their own age are immature emotionally, psychologically and even intellectually?

This writer believes that women in general are light years ahead in emotional and psychological development to most men, many of whom never grow up! What about the American diplomat Henry Kissinger’s assertion that "power is an aphrodisiac"? Are there a lot of women, too, who find the power, intellect, success or wealth of older men simply irresistible, or their father figure image?

Despite the great scoop of Philippine Star entertainment editor Ricky Lo on the forthcoming Zsa Zsa-Dolphy wedding, Zsa Zsa told this writer that they still have no definite plans yet. Dolphy has 17 kids from five women he never married, while Zsa Zsa has been working to annul her marriage to her 19-year older dentist-husband. Incredibly coincidental, America’s Dolphy, the late comedian Charlie Chaplin, also married three times to much younger women. In 1942, then 53-year-old Chaplin fell in love with a 17-year-old young woman whom he eventually married.

This question of age cropped up in the shooting of the China scenes of Mano Po 2, when this writer was asked by Regal boss Mother Lily Y. Monteverde to play the role of Zsa Zsa’s father complete with fake grey hair. Zsa Zsa plays second wife to the immigrant taipan role of Christopher de Leon (with three wives in the film). This writer was among the media people invited to join the Shanghai shooting. Since Zsa Zsa is several years older than me, I told the producer that I couldn’t imagine myself playing any other role except as a boyfriend or lover (ehem!) of the voluptuous Zsa Zsa. Unfortunately, Mother Lily didn’t fall for my devious plan to steal Dolphy’s sexy wife, so this writer just played the harmless role as Boyet’s younger brother who would witness the wedding.

During Zsa Zsa’s nuptials to Boyet as his second wife in China’s ancient wedding rituals complete with elegant tea ceremony, this writer was reminded of my late lumber entrepreneur grandfather Lee Tay’s own second wife in Manila at the dawn of the 20th century.

When I recently asked my 81-year-old uncle Felipe Lee, honorary president of the Philippine Lumber Association and a sawmill operator, I was surprised to learn that his mother became my grandfather’s second wife at age 14 during those still feudal times. My grandfather was then in his late 30s.

My second cousin Ateneo math professor Dr. Queena Lee-Chua, women’s rights advocate and winner of numerous national women awards, would surely be scandalized to learn that our male forebears were all polygamous in the feudal Ching Dynasty era when this practice was legal. I wonder how our deeply-religious uncle former Philippine Ambassador to the Vatican Howard Q. Dee would react to this part of our past.

My dad’s half-brother Felipe Lee recalled that his mother was originally purchased from China by my grandfather’s second cousin, 20th century Philippine Lumber King and Chinabank founder Dee C. Chuan to be his own second wife. However, when his first wife objected, Dee gifted the young girl to his second cousin and closest friend Lee Tay. My grandmother the first wife’s name was Go Giac (meaning "Jade") and the 14-year-old second wife’s name was Tiu Le Kheng (meaning "Beautiful Beloved"). In those feudal times when men and women were unequal, all our paternal forebears were polygamous. In fact, our family tree recorded that my great-great-great-great-grandfather had a total of four young wives in one household, reminiscent of the Zhang Yimou film Raise the Red Lantern with Gong Li as the third wife.

Another 80-year-old relative recalls my late grandfather Lee Tay in the Ching Dynasty purchasing a new young wife, who was then a teen-aged chambermaid of pre-war lumber tycoon Vicente Gotamco.

Coincidentally, Mano Po 2 first wife Susan Roces told Philippine Star her mother’s French Jewish mestiza aunt wed a Gotamco. In Boyet’s Mano Po 2 role, he didn’t buy his second wife Zsa Zsa Padilla because it was already the modern era of the 1970s. In Zsa Zsa’s real life, Dolphy used his charms to win her in 1988. This May-December romance then provoked a nationwide backlash of anger, since our republic has a long Catholic tradition for upholding monogamy and church marriage.

Dolphy Suffered Three-Year Crisis Due To Love For Zsa Zsa

The harsh negative public response to 65-year-old Dolphy’s love affair with with the then 24-year-old singer caused their joint film project to flop in the box office and the premature demise of Dolphy’s long-running comedy TV show John and Marsha. Due to his true undying love for Zsa Zsa, the comedian suffered three agonizing years of no showbiz work and he only survived by selling real estate. In fairness, Dolphy has repeatedly said he dreams of walking down the church aisle with Zsa Zsa after her annulment, even if it’s the last thing he’d do in his life.

Dr. Sun Yat Sen, China’s revolutionary hero against the corrupt Ching Dynasty, encountered a Dolphy-like crisis when he was 48 years old and wed the 22-year-old Soong Ching Ling as his second wife and infuriating her dad, overseas Chinese tycoon Charles James Soong who used to support his revolutionary cause. In Europe, the legendary King Arthur was in his 50s and his beauteous wife Guinevere was only 20.

Different from Dolphy’s dilemma, King Arthur was shocked to discover his young wife falling for his young knight Lancelot. What about the big risk for older men with too young wives, that they might stray into the arms of younger men? What about the worse problem of gold-diggers like 23-year-old stripper Anna Nicole Smith, who ensnared 89-year-old oil baron J. Howard Marshall into marriage in 1996?

Rp Leaders Explain Young Women Marrying Older Guys

Philippine Star made a random text survey of several young business and government leaders on how they would explain the attraction of some young women for older guys. Summit Media boss Lisa Gokongwei-Cheng commented: "Older men are generally more accomplished, so young women marry them possibly due to hero worship I suppose." Wharton-educated Agriculture Secretary Cito Lorenzo texted: "Young women marry older guys maybe for financial security... they probably prefer a father image in their men." El Shaddai founder’s eldest son Franklin Velarde said: "Security, maturity, looking for a father figure." Asian Spirit Airlines chairman Noel Oñate texted: "For the charm, the ritual and the security the older guys can give to their offsprings."

A famous lady TV broadcaster texted: "Some young women fall for older men to fill a daddy void, others with less sincere intentions, like the easy way to financial security through older provider."

Young computer entrepreneur Benjamin Nocom texted: "Some young women like older guys because they are great in bed like Dolphy’s reputation, some for intellectual reasons because older guys are mas matalino daw, but some like older men because mabilis mamatay and faster to get their inheritance! (laughs)"

Young steel industrialist and sportsman Eugenio Puyat II texted: "Maybe for security, for fatherly image, for stability, or maybe because older men are more experienced and possibly more intelligent. Older men are also more patient and can put up with spoiled young women!"

Some of the young women who married older guys have themselves in the past revealed their thoughts on the subject, like Lisa Macuja Elizalde, who said: "I guess when you are in love nothing else matters." On the 26 year age gap with her husband, who was her dad’s ex-boss, she said: "I’ve always gone out with men no less than 10 years older than I am."

Sensuous and smart actress Catherine Zeta Jones, married to 25-year older Hollywood actor Michael Douglas, once shared her thoughts and which should remind us younger guys to improve ourselves or perish! She said: "Older men come on to me all the time, and I’m really happy about that. I really like them. Older men know more about life and what’s going on. I’m probably the only person on the beach who sees a hard-bodied guy and goes, ‘Oh, put it away, will you?’ Beautiful boys are far too interested in making themselves look beautiful. They don’t want any competition. At the beach, I’m more likely to be attracted to a guy no one else notices, sitting far off, under an umbrella reading a book."

Catherine Zeta Jones’ reply to the query on what impresses her in a man should impel guys of all ages to endlessly seek psychological, emotional and intellectual advancement, and not to be immature little boys for life! Brain power, sensitivity to women, charm, humor and character are more important than brawn power. In life and in love, we should focus more on substance rather than superficial porma or form. Her words should be a wake-up call for all of us men in the world on the increasingly sophisticated tastes and higher standards of women: Catherine Zeta Jones added: "Words impress me. If a man can speak eloquently and beautifully to me, I just melt on the floor."

Thanks to several readers who emailed to point out that the Mandarin word for "space" is "taikong" not my typographical error "taking." All comments are welcome at wilson_lee_flores@newyork.com or wilson_lee_flores@hotmail.com or wilson_lee_flores@yahoo.com or P.O. Box 14277, Ortigas Center, Pasig City.