Five post-grad monsters you don’t want to be five years after college

Ralph Mendoza (The Philippine Star) - October 25, 2013 - 12:00am

MANILA, Philippines - It’s high time we patrolled not only our Twitter feeds but our real-life circles for people we know we would be better off without. And in doing so, we gain the hope of possibly realizing who we do not want to be as a person. Five years after college and presumably having joined the work force, we ought to know which beasts to avoid. These five archetypes are what I’ve gathered intel on so far.

The holier-than-thou hustler

It’s nice to self-motivate and go all Milo on your dreams but to proclaim your hustler’s creed every day on Instagram and hate on people who aren’t huslting the way you do is fast becoming a legit overkill. Chill. Don’t you ever think that continuously reminding us how hustling is going to translate to success on a daily basis can actually repel people from that which you’re trying to say? We’re open to what you’re saying as long as we aren’t being water-cured with it.

The overly chill

These guys are hustling, too, but towards the land of taking it easy — or easiest. The art of chilling is no longer healthy when you start forgetting your responsibilities at work. Your sluggishness affects a chain of command, employees who rely on you finishing your tasks on time. You need to organize. You need to defrag your brain. Deliverables may not be graded anymore but you’re wasting everyone’s time when you choose to get high when everyone else is putting in the work.

The office square

Don’t mistake this girl or guy for the office introvert; the office square is the person who cannot loosen up at all. They were never installed with the human app to relax. They hold these weird grievances from the past. They’re uptight and every email correspondence with them always gives you the impression that they are all work and not the slightest semblance of play. Friendly emojis are not enough. Sometimes, you have to let actual words do some actual conveying.

The close-minded artist

It’s easy to dismiss the artist as hipster, much more get annoyed with every beat he would make but you have to realize that he really isn’t harming anyone. The only time he really does though is when he puts down the corporate world with every ounce of bitterness in his body. It’s as if he was rejected. The close-minded artist also reeks of envy. They contribute to the rift between those with a nine to five and those without. But both sides need to understand that a business needs the creative solutions that art has to offer just as much as artists might benefit from being funded, if they ever even admit to the mutual need. Just because people are dressed in dress shirts and slacks doesn’t mean they’re square or know nothing about good music or art.

The Douche DJ

Week in and week out, DJs are exposed to the over-stroking of one’s ego mainly because it’s a job that requires you to please a crowd. By pleasing said crowd, you gain the affirmation of not just one person but, like I said, an entire crowd. Now imagine all that love being funneled to your brain. Some of them stay humble, but it’s no surprise how some of them have fully evolved into these dark Pokemon creatures whose skills include playing Rihanna four times in 30 minutes and other similar moves that entail the yapping of one’s mouth. It’s all talk, really, when it comes to the douche DJ. If he can’t talk, he can’t hide the fact that at the end of the gig, only fellow DJs know he didn’t really spin live that night. Everything was already pre-recorded in his bedroom the night before.

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