Cheap thrills for the 'funemployed' in summer time

As my luck would have it, my stint as an office temp came to an end (no, it’s not because they caught my semi-striptease on CCTV from that one day) just as summer started to roll into Hong Kong. The warm weather, I thought, would be a kickass consolation to the fact that I was now back where I started when I first moved here in January. The last two cities I lived in were Manila and Los Angeles, so naturally, I’d much rather have blue skies, boob sweat and booty shorts than gray clouds, gross skin and granny panties while I reignite my love affair with JobsDB.com. I decided to make the most of the climate change by spending time — between whoring out my resume online and convincing potential employers that my skills would totally own the shit out of the job in question — out and about, making mischief and living large.

Then I picked up my last paycheck.

As it turned out, the salary gods did not seem to agree with my plans. Nonetheless, I’m not about to let something as stupid as being strapped for cash screw up my plans of making the most of this summer. So what if I can’t fly somewhere new for the weekend, shop for some skanky ass summer outfits or drink overpriced cocktails on rooftop bars? I’ve been an underpaid writer long enough to know how to still be money, even when I’m totally moneyless. So until that big, fat paycheck-giving, visa-sponsoring, Fran-loving publication hires me and ceases to be a figment of my imagination, I’ve changed my game plan from droppin’ big bills to cheap thrills.

Here it is…

• Get sexy.

One of the only things I like about being unemployed (other than not having to feel guilty about taking a two-hour lunch break) is the fact that I don’t have to worry about “dressing appropriately,” or in other words, being required to wear blazers, button-downs and bras on a regular basis. I’d much rather run around through life in a pair of cutoffs and a bikini top. I was warned that the tits-out/pants-down Cali style wouldn’t really fly in Hong Kong, but who are we kidding, I’ve always been a rule breaker.

Of course, before I dust off my Daisy Dukes, I’m going to have to make sure I can still squeeze my ass into them. Since I’ve practically eaten all of Hong Kong in the last three months, an exercise regimen is in order. People complain that joining a gym or committing to a class requires them to cough up some serious cash, but they underestimate the beauty of the “free trial.” There are tons of gyms, dance classes, yoga studios and personal trainers who don’t mind throwing you a freebie for your first go. Seriously, you could squeeze in a whole lot of free workouts into a month if you play the field. The results? Your broke ass will never get bored. But it will get a hell of a lot smaller.

• Go play outside.

Sure, I’ve momentarily shelved renting a junk to sail around all day and party and going to Ocean Park from my to-do list this summer. Nonetheless, it’s not going to stop me from enjoying the sun. Going outside is the easiest thing to do for fun when you want to keep things on the cheap, unless you have lupus or are taking the Twilight novels a bit too seriously. I like to mix things up by doing a little research and then being my own tour guide (whether it’s a hike, the restaurant tour of a particular part of town or something super touristy and cheesy) or just getting lost somewhere so I can force myself to explore and get to know the area. More often than not, the latter will happen because I have a horrible sense of direction and a mild case of ADD, which is why I usually drag at least one friend to come out with me.

During the summer I was interning here, my roommate at the time, Irma, asked if I wanted to accompany her on a hike for a story about ecotourism she was working about. What we thought would be a nice uphill trek through one of Hong Kong’s famous hike trails turned out to be a field trip for geology students, led by a tour guide who spoke mostly Cantonese. Apparently, the conversation he’d had on the phone with Irma led to a major disconnect. As a result, my roommate and I spent an entire Sunday sweating our balls off on an island in the New Territories, watching a bunch of people pick up and molest different kinds of rocks. It didn’t seem that fun at the time, but now Irma and I have a good laugh about it. Looking back, we honestly never would’ve seen that part of Hong Kong otherwise. Or been able to pet sedimentary rocks from the freaking Paleozoic era.

• Make something. And get really good at it.

Summer’s the perfect time to do something creative.

One night, in college, my roommates and I decided to invent our own board game. Once we laid down the rules and mechanics, we busted out paper, index cards, scissors, magic markers and colored pencils and we actually stayed up all night to make that mo-fo. We never ended up playing it, but it’s still something we’re proud of.

I don’t think I’ll attempt anything nearly as ambitious this summer (at least not by myself), but I did just buy a new sketchbook.

You can be into making art, making food, making music or making sweet love. You can pay for all of the above, but no matter which activity you prefer, it’s just so much better when you make it yourself.

• Do not party like a rock star.

I realize it’s shocking to imagine a summer that’s less about boozing like a baller than hanging with your crew. Seriously though, partying is expensive. We are also at an age where it is just kind of sad to consider raiding our parents’ liquor cabinets or asking them for an alcohol allowance. Screw hanging in bars all the time. It gets tiring to have your wallet raped that often. I don’t think there should be any shame in having some dorky ass cheap thrills with friends.

Dianne, one of my best friends from grad school, was a big fan of the emergency three-minute dance party as the fastest way to de-stress. This meant that no matter where we were, someone had to play a song at full blast — whether it was from an iPhone, laptop, or car radio — and we had to dance our asses for its entire duration. With me, this tradition has since evolved into the impromptu mini-street party (thanks to a weekend during which I, on two separate days, danced to Footloose in the middle of the street with some friends and had a group sing-along to The Smiths while our buddy played his guitar outside a 7-11), which is always a blast, regardless of the fact that everyone else looks at you like you’ve got some serious mental illness.

I’m also a pretty big fan of board games, air hockey and laser tag. There are just some times when it’s more fun to party like a kid than it is to like a Jersey Shore cast member. A day at the arcade costs way less than a night at some douchey club. The (little) people in arcades are cooler too.

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E-mail the author at Francesca.ayala@gmail.com. Maybe you can invent a board game together and actually play it. Yay!