The birth order theory

Ate. That’s you to your kin and me to my brothers, being the eldest of three. With another year approaching my forever 50 and feeling like 35, I decide to analyze my offspring. 

What’s a typical ate like? Ates develop a nurturing behavior towards siblings, almost as protective as a mother. Our brothers know that we’re angels — or devils — to them because all of us have roles to live by. Women are born to be moms and the men to support us although most women nowadays earn their own keep.

In the process of role identification, personality traits are linked to birth order, according to Austrian physicist Alfred Adler. Openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness and neuroticism are what he pinpointed as the “Big Five” fundamental traits in his study of psychology. That in mind, I examined my family’s pecking order and Adler’s theory. It’s something us mommies can do to try to know our children, whether out of exasperation or to find joy.

Conscientiousness is usually the eldest child’s possession. Child No. 1 could be self-disciplined, dedicated and an over-achiever, with the tendency to live a more regimented rather than a spontaneous life. Very Liaa. She’s diligent, shielding and overcompensating. I remember her younger sisters complaining that when we were away and we left Liaa in charge, she was stricter than me regarding school assignments and curfew time. With the absence of parents, it’s a characteristic for the eldest child to overdo.

Thorough and meticulous are typical of an eldest child. If Adler’s correct, then Liaa is a figure of contradictions. She likes order but Noel supplies it in the house. He pays attention to details. 

According to contemporary thinking, because eldest children lose the attention they enjoyed when they didn’t have any siblings, they also tend to be people-pleasing to get parental attention back.  I don’t know about that. She’s far from making the effort to be people-pleasing. “Sorry, family, no Kenecort injections on any of your pimples right now. Maybe tonight. My patients come first.”

On the negative side, neuroticism is recognized as a trait of a firstborn. Neuroticism is the tendency to react easily to negative situations.

A middle child? The trait of openness is characteristically attached to them. They have appreciation for the arts and talent. That’s why Jojo’s photographs of Tuscany are Pin’s favorite, and Pico’s abstract paintings are on exhibit. She loves discovering unusual restaurants, vacation islands, and beads at flea markets, forever curious and in need of a variety of experiences. Considering Pin’s sandwiched between the dominant one and the family baby, she doesn’t have the desire to prove herself. To get their parents’ attention, middle children might have to outsmart, outshine and over-achieve — but not Pin.

My middle children are wonderful risk takers. Mikee continues to ride despite being thrown off her horse. The consequence has been broken bones. Mai made an effort to find her own niche. When she talked to us about enrolling in Palimoda, a fashion design school in Florence, Italy, she was absolutely headstrong. We comprised with her: Ateneo first and psychology, which were what we wanted; next would be what she wanted. We bowed to her plans. 

These three middle girls are also very mysterious. They’re not the type to wear their hearts on their sleeves. It’s typical middle-born syndrome. Most of the time, they keep things to themselves while I have to pry and prod if I want to know how they feel. 

Are you extraverted, comfortable around people? Are you the life of the party? Do you have the tendency to talk to different people in one party? Are you restless, always seeking that energy? Do you make people feel at ease? Are you compassionate and cooperative? Well, you’re supposed to be the youngest child. So says the theory and in comes my Little Miss Sunshine — China! Being the family’s baby, the youngest kid usually gets away with things the older kids never did. No curfew, she has a driver and her credit card. “Bunso kasi eh” gets to be the worn-out excuse.

Even Adler acknowledged that his theory is a complicated one with many other variables like environment and size of the family to consider. Still, just observing my daughters and reading his premise make me believe that there is something there. Adler’s theory could help us understand our children and each other more.