Coming out of postpartum depression

THIS WEEK’S WINNER

MANILA, Philippines – Eva Marie Montano-Pedregosa is a mother of two boys. She has a bachelor’s degree in Communication Arts and a postgraduate degree in Women and Development. “My journey through postpartum depression was the most difficult I have made so far, but it was not for nothing that I survived it. As the cliché goes, I live to tell my story and hopefully in doing so, help others along the way.” 

I found this book in National Book Store four years ago. I never buy imported hardbound books because I know they are expensive. But the urge to browse through its pages was so strong that I just gave in to my curiosity. The goal was to learn as much as I could and leave. However, as I was going through the pages, I saw my own experience being told. It was impossible to leave the store without it. I decided it was worth the few hundreds that I still had in my purse, so I counted my money and checked the price at the back and voila: P99. It was on sale! I hurried to the cashier and it was mine.

The book was Behind the Smile: My Journey Out of Postpartum Depression by Marie Osmond. I agree with Osmond, that PPD “had been hidden away for too long.” Osmond was a cultural icon in the ‘70s. 

I belong to the generation who sang, “I’m a little bit country…” every time The Donny and Marie Show went on air. Who would have thought that more than two decades later, I would cross paths again with Marie Osmond, only this time she was singing a different tune. 

Learning that a woman of her stature, accomplishment and resources also waged the same battle with the same monster that I battled somehow gave me a sense of power. I felt comforted knowing that I was not alone. Behind the Smile shows how it is to be a woman and a mother from the perspective of one who was free of the fairy-tale motherhood seen in the media.

Osmond so candidly and sincerely shares her own journey to motherhood, through its joys and dark side. The book is about her life experience prior to giving birth through the demands of motherhood and her reasons for developing PPD.  

PPD is very real and can happen to women across race, age, class and cultures. Until I went through the experience myself, I never realized the harm it can cause a woman and the people around her, especially her children. It is important that each woman is made to understand what it is, how it can be prevented, treated, and the role the family, community and society play in its prevention as well as treatment. 

Postpartum Depression or postnatal depression, is described by Dr. Judith Moore, co-author of the book, as “more intense (than the baby blues) and debilitating, frequently unrelenting and does not go away after a few weeks. The symptoms may start as baby blues and continue to intensify. Commonly, there are feelings of inadequacy, guilt, hopelessness, fatigue, irritability and anger. The symptoms may also include suicidal thoughts, desire for death, and desire to harm the baby or someone else, irrational fears, anxiety, panic attacks, or obsessive thought and compulsions… the feeling rarely lets up, and the mother, no matter how hard she works at it, cannot seem to lift herself out of the depression.”

For the longest time, social institutions have defined for us women the very essence of our being and have assigned to us roles that we need to play throughout our lifetime. Media has successfully glamorized the idea of motherhood and consequently women have internalized these concocted images as inherent to womanhood. 

Osmond says, “The media try to make the job of mother appear to be a breeze, a mindless luxury job…. You should be able to have a baby and beautiful skin and a flat tummy.”

This line I think captures the frustrations of women every time the media parade what they deem to be the paragon of motherhood.

Behind the Smile is not only Marie’s journey.   It is mine and, I believe, that of many other women around the world. It is our story. The book can be seen as both a celebration and an examination of the experiences of women as women and as mothers.   It brought to light the never-ending physical challenges and the psychological and emotional battles that happen in a woman in her attempt to fit the mold. It shows how the struggle to be the “best mother” is made even worse by the constant bombardment of beauty myths in media. Do we not all envy the advertisements showing a woman taking care of her child and doing the household chores, still looking and smelling fresh?

When I first became pregnant, I was elated at the thought of having my own baby.   It seemed like my journey as a woman finally came full circle. But the excitement was soon replaced by exhaustion because of the many sleepless nights. I had to fight the onslaught of physical, emotional and psychological demands of mothering to stay sane. And I wondered: Must motherhood be the ultimate expression of womanhood? Despite its joys, mothering can narrow down a woman’s space. Marie echoes this in her book when she writes: “I had no right to personal boundaries…” 

Once women become mothers, we scramble to assume the characteristics that will make us the perfect and the best mothers that we can be to our children. We literary are transformed into real life “wonder women.”  

We forget what Marie said, that “we are meant to be social beings. We feel the need to be in a group, to surround ourselves with others who experience life in a similar way. Raising children is a monumental daily commitment. To be in contact with other women provides a comfort zone where they (women) can safely share their concerns as well as their joys.” 

The part of the book that left the deepest imprint on me is this: “Mothers do the jobs of many. Our job description in a paycheck world would be reason to hire a whole crew of people…. The list includes cook, chauffeur, nurse, tutor, dog walker, counselor, housekeeper, and repair persons, among others. If you add up the average income for these positions, a stay-at-home mother’s salary should be $500,000 a year.” Cleverly said and very true. 

Marie has broken the silence of many women and mothers. Through her narrative and humor, she shatters the myths surrounding the image of mother. Though motherhood can indeed be something to look forward to, it should be told to women the way it really is without the usual romantic view.   Her coming out has challenged the American society to look at postpartum depression as a real threat to women’s health and to reexamine the whole social construction of motherhood.  

My journey out of postpartum depression, like Marie’s, was long and arduous. It was made worse because people did not know what it was. I did not know what it was. Some people brushed it aside as the common reaction of middle-class women to domesticity.   But deep inside, I knew it was something else, that it was far more serious than what was seen on the surface. 

In Marie’s words, “While all life is going on, you feel isolated, pushed out. It’s hard to ask for help, and harder yet to have others comprehend where you are.” 

Physical healing is not enough to overcome PPD. To truly overcome depression, one must reach into the innermost part of one’s being. It requires going back to the past and resolving the issues that were swept and kept under the rug for years. Recovery from PPD means listening to the needs of the inner person that women often ignore. Recovery means giving to our own need to be nurtured. PPD does not go away after taking a pill. And unlike other illnesses, healing is achieved with the help of other people, especially the family and the community.

A woman cannot go through PPD and come out unscathed. Once the issues are resolved and the body is healed, the woman who went through the battle can not help but feel the burden to help others in the same predicament. Each scar serves as a reminder to reach out to another woman. It is like being instantly connected with those who have gone through and are going through the same ordeal. No one woman is strong enough to face depression alone, and no one woman deserves to be in that situation. So, like Marie, I take every opportunity I have to tell and retell my story to those who need to hear it.