The Dating Game

Thank God I stopped dating a long time ago. When I see what people are made to go through nowadays, just to find a suitable mate – well, it’s a miracle the species can still carry on.

Don’t get me wrong: there seems to be a lot of sexual activity, and that occasionally, if not always, does lead to procreation of the species. But in terms of people just making it through the rat maze of today’s dating scene – well, I’d say the odds are stacked against them.

Things are different now. There are so many websites, like Friendster, that often lead to face-to-face, real-life encounters. There are people sending images of themselves or friends over their cell phones, in a desperate effort to hook up. Locally, there are barkada nights and gimmicks that, presumably, bring people closer together.

Then there are the many reality TV shows devoted to the perils of modern-day dating. My favorite of these is the aptly titled Blind Date, which pairs up a few couples on separate blind dates, follows them around with video cameras, and then conducts a post mortem on the whole sordid business.

That’s it. That’s the whole premise of the show. But it’s so far removed from the contrived studio innocence of Chuck Barris-created TV shows from the ‘70s like The Dating Game that it might as well be taking place on another planet.

Actually, it does take place on another planet, and that planet is called California, where everybody is perpetually doing his or her "act," even on blind dates. With its cutesy side comments (superimposed on the screen to provide a sort of Greek chorus commentary to the dating couple’s banter), Blind Date is the standard to beat in TV’s modern life view of dating-as-a-fishbowl.

Naturally, it has spawned countless rip-offs, even a few local versions with Pinoys going out on set-up dates, suffering through the usual painful get-to-know-you stuff and clumsy attempts at intimacy. (That everybody on these shows is keenly aware, on some level, that they’re performing for a camera goes without saying. How this affects the "reality" of these reality shows is another matter.)

As a show, Blind Date seems more reflective of reality than its many alien offspring. It’s less contrived than "high-concept" courtship shows like Which One Of You Gold-Diggers Wants to Marry My Dad? (I think that’s what it’s called) or My Boyfriend Is a Lying S.O.B., in which prospective suitors are submitted (à la Meet the Parents) to polygraph examinations to prove their worth.

Another one, called Playing it Straight, places a clueless young woman amongst a bunch of guys, and tests her "gaydar" skills in picking out the homosexual in the group. She can then, presumably, safely date the remaining hetero and collect $500,000. (This nasty little show, by the way, single-handedly destroys all the goodwill generated toward gays by Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.)

But the nice thing about Blind Date is that it shows how, on occasion, some people actually do connect and have chemistry on dates, seemingly resulting in second dates, and relationships, and so on. This is encouraging news to people who are still dating.

And Blind Date is certainly not as sleazy as The 5th Wheel, which puts four relationship-challenged people on a date, then throws in a fifth guy or gal to cause trouble and tempt one or more contestants. There’s a certain unpleasant odor about The 5th Wheel, which pits prospective partners against one another, and usually involves an episode in a hot tub or contestants making out inside the show’s dimly lit van.

The whole "extra suitor" angle is a little unnerving, especially when you consider how hard it is to get through a normal, real-life blind date in the first place. Granted, my memory on this is a little hazy (suffice to say that during my last round of dating, a different George Bush was in the White House), but from what I recall, going out with a person on a date is not the easiest of experiences. You need to be honest and up-front – but not too up-front, lest you suggest that you’re creepily needy, or lacking in boundaries. You have to ask sincere questions, and this involves caring enough about the answers to ask follow-up questions. Again, not easy.

This is a complicated enough endeavor without the cameras in your face and the snide pop-up comments on the screen. Truth is, real dating is just fascinating and horrifying enough without TV.

But the real trouble for this generation, it seems – at least judging by a few viewings of Blind Date – is that men just don’t know how to behave on dates anymore. The women on the show – bless ‘em – are generally down-to-earth, open, definitely seeking sincere male company. What they get instead, usually, is crassness, boorishness, piggishness, all wrapped up in this package of self-confidence that far outweighs what the guys seemingly have to offer. One guy, on an episode I recently caught, was on a date with a dishy Latina named Natalia. For some unfathomable reason, during the date he proceeded to utter some of the most sexist, racist comments I’ve heard since Howard Stern, when it would seem to be a dating no-brainer to be on one’s best behavior. During their dinner "chat," the guy was bragging that he’d been known to cheat on his past girlfriends – definitely not a good flag to send up on a first date. Later, during a car ride in the back seat, he shared that he likes Latinas because he’s "always had a thing for maids" – thus reducing his date to an offensive cultural stereotype.

Now, this guy – who fancied himself a prize physical specimen – could not possibly have wanted to botch his chances at a second date – unless he were both blind and stupid. His date was hot, and what’s more, comparatively normal. Really, all he needed to do to survive this date was to try to maintain eye contact for longish periods without being distracted by her considerable cleavage. Even at this, he failed.

So, like many slam-dunked contestants on Blind Date, he then proceeded to dish out some sour grapes, claiming she could contact him if she felt like it, blah blah blah.

I don’t know. Things have just changed. Granted, some women are more aggressive about what they want, and it’s perfectly permissible for the women to take charge and do the calling back. But what’s painfully clear on Blind Date is that most men on the show seem hard-wired to behave like asses, mistaking the resulting shitstorm for pheromones. And you end up wondering how such characters ever manage to procreate at all, with dating habits like these.

Then again, maybe this is the point.