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Health And Family

Certain obligations are expected in same sex marriage

THE SEX ADVISOR - Eppy Halili Gochangco - The Philippine Star

Dear Eppy,

I am a 28-year-old male.  A year ago, I met a 25-year-old male with whom I fell in love.  I have hidden this information from people because I didn’t want anyone to know I like men instead of women.  Because of this man, I feel that I am ready to let everyone know that this is the person I will love forever.  I know that in this age and time, there is such a thing as same sex marriage.  If I consider this option, is this wrong?  I want to spend the rest of my life with this man.  But I do not know if it will be right to marry him.

Happy Boyfriend

Dear Happy Boyfriend,

Your question about marrying a person of the same sex implies a legal, religious, and moral issue because you are asking if it is right or wrong, which is about judgment.   If you seek legal advice, consult your lawyer.  If you seek religious advice, consult your religious leader.

I will respond to you according to my belief that no one has the right to judge you or anyone as long as you do not physically hurt anyone or cause anyone emotional pain as a result of your behavior.  Let me elaborate on this.  If anyone gets hurt because you marry a man, it is because that person is more concerned about judging you than being concerned about you.  This is, therefore, not what I mean when I say “hurting” someone.  Cheating on your partner is emotionally “hurting” someone.  Extreme sado-masochistic acts, such as strangling someone during sex that may cause death or shooting someone due to jealousy, are physically “hurting” someone.

You must remember that marrying is both a legal and religious event.  It lets others know that both people in the marriage are not available to others anymore. Certain obligations, rights, and privileges are expected in marriage as well.  Ask yourself the purpose of wanting to get married.  This will lead you to deciphering if marriage is necessary or not.

As an example, if you want to marry someone in order to make sure that the person you love will not stray, then that’s a silly reason because we all know that there are partners that cheat on the other partner even if they’re married.  If you want to marry because the Philippines will allow you to have the same legal rights given to heterosexual partners in marriage, then I should advise you that at the moment, that is not a possibility.  However, if you want to marry and fight for the same rights as heterosexual partners in marriage, then go for it!  If you think that marriage will intensify your experience of love with your partner, then let no one stop you with your plans.

I will give you an example of a female celebrity who recently married another woman.  She is Rosanna Roces.  This beautiful actress knew Blessy Arias when she was a teenager.  They became close.  Blessy made known to Rosanna that she liked her more than a friend.  But life had a different plan.  They got separated and Rosanna fell for a man.  They both travelled different paths.

Yet, strangely, their paths would cross again.  Every traveller knows that when the road splits into two, these will never meet again.  But what happened to Rosanna and Blessy was that they met again and Rosanna had a “... change of heart” (as Blessy put it).

Rosanna and Blessy married for two reasons. First, the marriage would enable them to share with others the intensity of their love for each other.  Second, they want to assure each other that they would be there for each other until they are old and gray.

Those are their reasons.  What’s yours? 

Eppy

* * *

Email [email protected].

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