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Health And Family

‘Should I leave my druggie boyfriend?’

THE SEX ADVISOR - Eppy Halili Gochangco - The Philippine Star

Dear Eppy,

I read your article about drugs published last May 17, 2016.  The topic made me want to write about my problem.  I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a year now.  I know he takes drugs, but whenever I ask him if he takes drugs, he always denies it. 

Recently, I noticed he would often be gone for a day or two.  During this time, his mobile phone would usually be out of reach.  The first two times this happened, his parents would call and look for him from me.  But I’d tell them he wasn’t with me.  This is when his parents and I would worry, panic, and look for him. 

I suspect that he has a girlfriend.  His parents like me and he knows that.  I’m thinking that maybe he doesn’t want his parents to know where he is because they might get angry at him for being disloyal to me.  Yet we can’t help but think he might be taking drugs with his friends.  But when I call the phone of his friend, it would be turned on and he’d say my boyfriend wasn’t with him.

When he comes back, I would ask him where he went and he would give me all kinds of reasons, which I don’t believe.  If those reasons were true, why didn’t he tell me?  He would say because his phone went dead.  But if I say, “Why does your phone go dead whenever you disappear?”  he’d reply, “I don’t know.”

This makes me think that he is with another girl.  Do you think I’m right?  Should I leave him?

GF Of Druggie

Dear GF Of Druggie,

I have talked to a lot of women whose boyfriends take drugs.  The common story I hear is that the ones who take shabu or crystal meth usually would disappear for two to three days.  Your boyfriend seems to fit that story.  If ever he has a girl, it is because he has met her in one of the places where he takes this drug.

Usually, people who take drugs with others would associate the pleasure of the drug with the person they are with while taking the drug.  The drug takes away inhibitions and makes people do things that they usually will not do when not under the influence of shabu.  For example, he can have sex with a woman doing drugs with him.  As a consequence, the heightened pleasurable experience because of the drugs will now be associated with that woman. 

When this heightened pleasure is always experienced with this woman, the need to be with this woman whenever he takes drugs will be more intense.  But remember that this is just a concept.  There are a lot of experiments done regarding this.  An example would be the simple experiment of using a bell and ice water.  First, the bell will ring.  Immediately after, the arm of a person will be dipped in ice water.  This process will be done again and again.  After a number of repetitions, the bell will ring, but the arm will not be dipped in ice water.  It will be observed that the skin will manifest the same thing as when the arm is dipped in ice water.

Should you leave your boyfriend?  If your boyfriend is taking drugs and cannot stop himself from taking drugs, would you be happy if he would be irresponsible when you have children one day?  Addiction is a term used for people who cannot control themselves from acting out a certain urge even if the consequences are high.  That means the more he continues taking drugs, the more he puts himself in a situation where he will prefer to think of drugs instead of the future of his children and wife.  Will that be acceptable for you?

But wait, our incoming president has vowed to eradicate drug use in our country.  Maybe you should wait for this before making a decision.  This promise of our incoming president gives you and a lot of people with this problem hope.  However, if you want to take care of this problem immediately, bring your boyfriend to a wellness center in the BGC area.  This wellness center helps people with drug addiction problems in a more humane manner.  Their number is 09291650414.                  

Eppy

* * *

Email [email protected].

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