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Health And Family

Some men are insensitive to their wives’ sexual needs

THE SEX ADVISOR - Eppy Halili Gochangco - The Philippine Star

Dear Eppy,

I need your advice regarding my sex life.  Since I got married, I have not experienced an orgasm yet.  Then after one year, I gave birth to my eldest child.  From that time on, I detested having sex.  It became worse and worse. 

But one day, something happened.  I can’t explain it.  If I were to do a certain thing with my body, like raising it, I experienced intense pleasure.  Please help me because I am confused about this.

Supernatural Sex

Dear Ms. Supernatural Sex,

I am confused about what you are saying.  I don’t know what you mean when you say you experience intense pleasure when you “raise” your body.  Do you raise your body with your two hands supporting it?  Do you raise your body without the support of your hands?

I guess it is best to consult with your ob-gyne.  Better if you go to an ob-gyne who is also a woman because a man will not know what sensation you are trying to describe.  Chances are, even if you demonstrate in front of a male ob-gyne what you mean, he will not be able to understand what you mean because he does not have the capacity to connect intense pleasure to a female body part.

I may be wrong, but for now, allow me to give you my two cents’ worth.  Although your letter to me lacks some specifics, I will try to read into what you are saying.  I will assume about your statements.  Your description of your experience seems to point to a certain condition called sexual arousal disorder. 

In this disorder, there is a consistent lack of appropriate sexual responses.  For example, when you said, “I detested having sex.  It became worse and worse.”  This could mean that sexual contact was painful and that it became more painful the next time.  Sexual arousal disorder in women may also be manifested when women don’t find pleasure in sex and do not experience orgasm.

Usually, when a partner makes sexual advances, the woman with the sexual arousal disorder will not experience what most women experience.  The usual physical and emotional manifestations do not come.

There are so many explanations as to why this disorder comes about.  One of them is the decrease in estrogen after childbirth.  I noticed you mentioned that after your firstborn came out into this world, you said that sex became worse. 

There is also the possibility that you could not experience orgasm because your husband may be insensitive to your needs.  Women love to be given attention, they don’t want their partners to hurry them. There are some men who are so focused on their own sexual pleasure that they become insensitive to the needs of their spouses.

If your husband is like one of those men who have intercourse with their wives just to satisfy themselves, without considering their wives’ satisfaction, you must have a talk with your husband and let him know what  you feel about his sexual behavior.  There is a chance that he is not aware of his sexual responses with you.

Your husband has to learn to use stroking as a way of making you feel loved.  Tell him what makes you feel really good. Let him know this.  Let him know what makes you enjoy sex.  Try to experiment as much as you can.                        

Eppy

* * *

Email [email protected].

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