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Health And Family

Love her or leave her

THE SEX ADVISOR - Eppy Halili Gochangco - The Philippine Star

Dear Eppy,

I am a 40-year-old Thai guy with a girlfriend  of three years.   She is a massage therapist on board a cruise liner.

We both confessed our true love for each other.  Every time we wanted to see each other, I would go onboard as a passenger and book her for at least an hour so we could spend sweet moments in the cabin. She doesn’t ask for extra pay, I only pay her for an hour of massage.  So I strongly believe that she isn’t after my money.

My main problem is that my mind keeps on spinning and wondering what she’s doing with her other clients.  She tells me that she never provides sexual service in exchange for money. Strictly no sex, she always assures me.

Of course, I am very happy to hear that.  I know she has her own story and reason to be in this job, but I must confess that I honestly still don’t believe she’s not providing sexual services especially when offered a good amount of money. Deep in my heart, I just can’t trust her 100%.

Eppy, what is your opinion in my case? I was thinking of finding a way to monitor/test/check her just to make sure she’s telling the truth, but I don’t know how. What do you advise?

Live And Let Love

Dear Live And let Love,

Human beings are equipped with so much intelligence that they are capable of creating things that can destroy the whole planet and, at the same time, discover medicines that can save millions of lives.  Yet, they are capable of the silliest behavior.  For example, there is a saying that goes, ”You can’t have your cake and eat it, too.”  Study the sentence well.  People have been saying this and they know what it means.  But if you think about it, it really is silly that you don’t even want to say it.  It actually asks you, after eating your cake, do you have it?  Of course, the answer is no.  But why do people say this?  It’s because people think that they can choose something and have a result that does not come with that particular choice.

Here are some situations to give you a better picture of what I mean: Some people get married, putting them in a situation where they cannot have sex or a relationship with others other than their spouse, yet they have sex and relationships with others other than their spouse. There are those who would like to be caring and devoted parents, yet spend most of their time working, socializing, and getting into hobbies that take them away from home.

You are also doing the same thing.  You decided, wittingly or unwittingly, to fall in love with a woman whose job makes her give pleasure to men in different ways.  Yet, you expect to feel as though you are having a relationship with Mother Teresa.  Well, that’s really silly.

If you choose to relate to someone who gives men physical pleasure in ways you might not want to know, then expect that you will be jealous and suspicious.  Anyone would constantly be in doubt that she might not be telling the truth, given the situation you are in.  Whether she is doing something behind your back or not is not your primary concern.  No matter how loyal she is, you will always suspect her of wrongdoing.  That’s what you have to work on.  However, it will be really tough. 

What I wonder about is how you regard your partner.  Whatever her line of work, she is still a human being.  She did not ask you to become part of her world for you to control her and make her feel inferior to you.  She is not a possession.  You can’t decide for her.  You can’t tell her which part of her body you may or may not allow a male to touch. 

If you can’t take what she’s doing, leave her.  You don’t have the right to judge her.  If you truly love her, be patient with her.  Respect and love her.  Show her how important she is.  By doing this, in time she will feel good about herself and live with dignity.  She will stop her ways with men and will be upright as a human being.  But that will take time and effort.          

Eppy

* * *

Email [email protected].

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