She's in love with her male best friend

Dear Nanay,

I have been reading your column and am happy to know that there is someone like you who can give very inspiring advice. I know that you are the only one who can help me with my problem regarding my male best friend. I’m 31 and he’s 35. We are both single, I have always called him “kuya” and we’ve been friends for almost 12 years. He doesn’t have a girlfriend right now and I don’t have a boyfriend.

We are very good friends. I secretly admired him before, but I went home to our province so I could continue my studies. That’s when our communication stopped.

I had boyfriends but he was always in my mind, which is why I decided to move back to Manila in 2003 to find him but failed because he wasn’t at the boardinghouse he was living in before. I tried my luck through networking and was lucky enough to find him through his cousin, so now we’re communicating again.

Nanay, I could write poems about my love for him, I’m so inspired when I talk to him. In January this year I joked about possibly having a child by him, because I haven’t met a guy who could possibly be my husband, and he agreed with me. Then he said if he were to ask me to marry him, would I say yes? I said yes.

With time my regard for him becomes even deeper. One time I told him that I loved someone from the very beginning and he insisted on knowing about the guy but I didn’t tell him who it was at first. Last night I told him that he was the guy so I would know where I stood in his heart; he just laughed and said that his view of me as a friend wouldn’t change. I tried to avoid him but I can’t help it.

Nanay, is what I did wrong? Should I avoid him? I’m ashamed of what I did. He wants to see me and take me out when he arrives this May from Japan. Should I show up? I’m afraid to look foolish in front of him.

Inday

Dear Inday,

I think you did the right thing. If you are really in love with him, then there comes a time when you just have to tell him. You cannot live in silence the rest of your life. Of course we do not really know how he will react but as I said, at some point, kailangan magkaalaman na (you have to know how the other feels).

Your problem now is he does not seem to want to take your relationship to the next level. So what do you do?

I think that will depend on where you want to take your relationship. Are you willing to just be friends? Or will you always be in love with him? So maybe what you can do is to give it one last chance. Spend some time with him when he comes back from Japan and see how it goes. If he is still not interested in you and you cannot see a future together, then perhaps it is time for you to call it quits. Remember that you cannot be in love with him forever. Kawawa ka naman. (You poor thing.) Just be prepared that if there is no future for the two of you, you have to be ready to say goodbye forever.

Sincerely,

Nanay

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