Pater Patter

In the traditional scheme of things, words emanating from the Filipino "Pater familias" are worth their weight in gold. Like some voice from heaven, accompanied by standard issue thunder and lightning, they resonate as the best piece of advice one is likely to ever get. Think about it, who else knows you like your father does (mothers exempted)? Who else can bring the wealth of experience he’s accumulated over the years and is cognizant of your strengths and weaknesses.? It’s not always some generalized piece of advice or aphorism, but it can be one that’s tailor-made for you, his very own son or daughter.

Pithy, concise, light, heavy, sarcastic, long-winded, verbose; in whatever form it comes, there is no getting around father having the last say. And well that may be, as nine times out of 10, they’ll hit the nail right on the head.

Cary Lopez, eldest son of Oscar Lopez, fondly remembers, "As I was growing up, my father gave me a lot of advice about the importance of family. The one that stood out was, ‘Friends will come and go, but family will always be there for you.’ Much later, when I was 27, it was still about family, but to the tune of, ‘Hurry up and get married. Start a family and have kids, so I can see grandchildren with my name!’"

Anton Gonzalez, son of Tony Gonzalez, recalls how there were two things that really stuck. "First, he would tell us that we should always follow our dreams, personal and professional, as long as they are reasonable and achievable. And that we should do our best to make them come true, even when practically impossible. I took this to heart as I began my life as an entrepreneur. Second, that no matter what the circumstances, remain a perfect gentleman at all times, especially to elders and to women."

Stephanie Zubiri has this to say about father Joe Zubiri: "With my Dad it wasn’t so much a case of sitting us down and talking to us. He’s always trusted our judgment and steers us only when he feels we’re going down the wrong path. For me, the real lessons he’s taught are by example; how important it is to reach out to people, that it’s part and parcel of giving back a little bit of ourselves to society as thanks for what it has given us."

This action-oriented form of advice or lesson is echoed by Joey Concepcion when talking about his father, industrialist and civic leader Joe Concepcion, "While we may, at times, differ in business philosophies, my father’s dedication to family, God and country is something to admire and follow. By living it and not just talking about it, he has set a standard for all of us in the family. In that regard, we all wish to follow in his footsteps."

For Paco Magsaysay, fatherly advice (courtesy of Senator Ramon Magsaysay Jr.) was entwined with the family name they so proudly carry, "He would constantly stress to keep the Magsaysay name clean; that it’s a legacy my grandfather left us, and no amount of money can buy integrity and that clean name."

If you want to talk about a father’s intuition, his own version of a sixth sense for knowing what his son should devote his life to, Gigi Montinola has this anecdote about his father Aurelio Montinola Jr. "After graduation, my father’s advice was to work outside the family business first. I started with Citibank, discovered I really liked banking and wound up never entering the family business, moving on to BPI and BPI Family Savings. All throughout, he understood, and I’ll always be grateful to him for allowing me to do what I wanted to do and not what I was supposed to."

"Bite the bullet!" Gina Lopez, daughter of the late Eugenio Lopez Jr., can’t remember the exact situation; but it entailed making a decision, where deciding one way would have serious repercussions. "And he said, ‘Darling, bite the bullet, just go for it. Take whatever happens.’ This fearlessness and surrender have been something I always try to live by."

On a lighter note, this was TJ Manotoc’s contribution, "With my dad (Tommy Manotoc), the advice I remember best came when he was instructing us in golf. He’d say, ‘Stomach in, chest out, butt out and knees slightly bent.’ And I’d complain that I’d look silly, like a dork. To that he’d reply, ‘At least you’ll have a better swing and can turn more!’ Well, I’m still pretty lousy at the game and look like a dork, but hey! I can turn!"

Another light moment is shared by Kevin Belmonte. His father, QC Mayor Sonny Belmonte, once remarked in cryptic fashion, "It’s a good thing your vices are plants, cacti and other succulents, and not something else. Keep it that way."

If it’s folksy wisdom you want, Isidro "Sid" Consunji has these choice words for Victor, "My Dad likes to say that if there are two things in life I should always look out for, they are a good pair of shoes and a good pillow. His rationale is that you spend practically all your life with those two items; the shoes half of your life when you’re awake, and the pillow the other half when asleep."

People talk about the special bond that exists between father and "Daddy’s little girl"; how the father is that much more relaxed with his daughter, and a more human side is revealed.

In Lisa Gokongwei’s case, you decide whether father John Gokongwei Jr. is giving advice, making veiled threats, or coercing her to stay under his wing, "This is what he told me, ‘You’re almost 35, you’re not a young chick anymore. You’d better get married soon and have kids... but you know, your mother and I don’t mind if you live with us and keep us company forever.’"

Congressman Teddy Boy Locsin is known for his acerbic wit and telling sarcasm. To hear daughter Margarita tell it, family is not spared. "With us, he’s funny, he’s sarcastic, at times irritating, but always true. It’s just like his columns, painful but funny, and we’re not exempted! He doesn’t give fatherly advice in the traditional sense, it’s more like he makes fun of you until you get the hint. He has the amazing ability of picking on me and making me laugh at the same time. Like listen to this, I’m dieting and this is what he tells me, ‘Lose five more pounds than you’re supposed to, because that will make you a thin person, and not a fat person trying to be thin.’ As weird as it sounds, it’s actually making sense to me as I’m losing weight."

Last but not least, listen to Evelyn Lim-Forbes talk about father PL Lim. "Best lesson? Advice? Ha! I don’t think it’s printable, but it’s very good. It has to do with getting a good night’s sleep every night for a good long time." And she smiles the devious, knowing smile. "On a more conventional note, it was about how you have to leave the work in the office and make sure you have a life."