She prayed for work and now that she has it, she doesn't want it

Dear Nanay,

I often read your column and I enjoy reading your advice. I am a single mom, matagal ako nag-pray para magkaroon ng work (I prayed for a long time to get work) and now I’m already working as an immigration consultant. But the problem is I am not enjoying my job. Shall we say that it is not my interest? I applied because I needed a job but I didn’t think that that was not my interest. What I really want is to work in the government. I’ve been at work for one month already but every morning I still have to decide whether I will go to work or not.

Your readers will probably think that I am too picky about the kind of work I want, or maybe they will say that it’s good I even have work. But really, my interest is not there. I’m not enjoying what I am doing. Should I stay or should I resign? My work requires me to do everything without supervision because the head office is in Manila while I am in Pangasinan. I was trained for only three days before my boss went back to Manila. This is just a branch. I don’t even know how to launch the company, or how to get clients. I’m pressured because they expect so much from me. I also often make mistakes. One more thing: our office lacks equipment. If I need to do something on computer, I need to go to an Internet shop to do e-mail and encode. Nanay, please advise me. Should I stay in the company or should I resign?

Ms. Confused

Dear Ms. Confused,

The first question you have to ask yourself is “Do you need the job?” Kailangan mo ba yung pera? (Do you need the money?) You said yourself that you are a single mom and that you applied for this job “kasi kailangan (because it was necessary).” That sounds like you need the job.

If you do not need it, then by all means you can resign and look for something better. But if you need this job, I think it really limits your options. And you are right, even I will tell you that you should feel fortunate that you have a job in today’s economy and that you should not be so choosy. Ipinagdasal mo na magkaroon ka ng trabaho. Ngayon na binigyan ka ng trabaho, hindi mo naman gusto. (You prayed that you would get work. Now that you have it, you don’t want it.) Think about things very carefully.

If you really want to leave, my advice is for you to look for another job while you are still working. Do not resign yet. Stay put in the meantime. Mahirap maghanap ng trabaho ngayon. (It’s hard to find a job these days.) And who ever said that you would be able to find another job that is better than this one you have now?

You should also think about saving some money while you are working. Mag-ipon ka muna (Save first) before you consider resigning. After you have some savings, then maybe you can look for something better.

My last piece of advice is for you to give your current job another chance. You have only been there for one month and you are ready to give up. Give it some time. Sayang yung (Don’t waste the) opportunity you have been given, and it sounds like your bosses have given you big responsibilities. But that is also because they probably believe in your abilities. Don’t worry about making mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. What is important is that you learn from them and you don’t repeat them. And if you need anything, then tell your superiors. Tell your bosses what you need to help you make the business successful. If you think you need a computer in the office, tell them you need one. Tell them it is cheaper in the long run and that it will make you more productive because it will save you from having to go to the Internet shop every day.

As I said, your bosses have put a lot of faith in you. They believe in you. So maybe you should also start believing in yourself.

Sincerely,

Nanay

* * *

The Psychology Behind Favoritism

Dear Nanay,

I have met you just once, at the signing of a book program for Mindanao schools between your National Book Store and the US Agency for International Development last April. But you left a great impression on me. Regarding “Anonymous” (published May 18) who wrote you to complain about her mother-in-law who favors one grandson over another, what I know is that when a child is a mother’s favorite, that child’s child tends to also be her favorite. There is a word in psychology for this, but it escapes me right now. Anonymous should also accept the reality that even the most lovable grandmother is also a human being who cannot help but play favorites. Nanay is right to advise that Anonymous keep her observations and hurt feelings to herself; her son doesn’t understand yet the complexity of group dynamics and human relationships. Someday, when her son becomes an adult, he should be able to look back on any memory of “maltreatment” as a time when adults lacked practical application of child psychology. That’s how my younger sister explained my own mother’s behavior (she favored that sister over me). I understand it now.

Jenny Fabroa

* * *

If you have a question, e-mail us at asknanay@nationalbookstore.com.ph or just drop your letter at drop boxes in all National Book Store branches nationwide.