Love is a many splendored ring

Dear Nanay,

Last week’s letter writer Bean would have no problem at all if he were to look at that engagement ring as a blank check. Until he writes the name of the payee, signs and releases it, the check is not yet negotiable and remains his and earmarked to a definite payee he truly is obligated to. Similarly, the engagement ring is still his, ready to be finally given away to its intended recipient, the one he sincerely loves who reciprocates his feelings. Since Mr. Bean admits that his previous relationship has ended and he never proposed, obviously his former someone was never the intended recipient of the engagement ring just like the blank check without a definite payee.  With this attitude, Mr. Bean should not have any feeling of remorse when he goes on bended knee to offer the well-kept engagement ring to his newly found deserving love.  Jacqueline                                           

Dear Nanay,

I want to comment on the letter sender Mr. Bean.

I was in the same situation as he was and I had already bought a ring for the girl I thought I was going to marry.  Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you look at it), we broke up before I could propose to her.  I really thought she was going to be the one so I spent about six months’ salary on the ring.

Then, after all of that, I met another girl who I eventually became engaged to.  When I decided to propose to her I thought about the ring for a very long time.  For days and weeks I kept thinking about whether or not I should give this ring or if I should just sell it and buy a new one.  I kept struggling with this problem.

Finally, I decided to just use the ring I already had.  And let me tell you why.  I had spent six months of salary to buy that ring so obviously it would be very difficult for me to be able to afford a ring of equal value.  I also felt that, just being practical, the prudent thing to do financially would just be to use the ring.  But the most difficult part of the decision I had to make was that I felt I had to be able to tell my fiancée about the ring’s history.  I decided that if she could accept it then I would just go with that ring.  If not, then I would buy another ring.

I was very nervous when I eventually told her about the ring.  She took it very well and she said, “You know what, I don’t care about your past and why you originally bought that ring.  You never gave it to anyone else so as far as I am concerned it has always been yours to give to the one you love.”  Needless to say, I gave her the ring and we got married.

My only point is that I think you should be able to tell your fiancée about the ring’s history because you should not start off your marriage with, while not exactly a lie, hiding the truth.  If there is something you cannot tell her, then that should already be a signal that there is something wrong.  Really, honesty is still the best policy. — MIKE T.

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