What I know so far
The aftermath of Valentine’s Day may have elicited a couple of situations. Yes, it’s a Hallmark holiday — right up there with Happy Grandparents Day, Tax Day and Ferris Wheel Day (yes, they do exist and were created by the greeting card company). Yet, on Feb. 14, there is an onslaught of overpriced dinners and rose bouquets that are sold quadruple the original price. There are anti-Valentine parties that bear the same “I wanna be cool†factor as not joining Facebook. There are disappointed women who glare at their clueless lovers or husbands for forgetting the special day. Some just wonder if they have to go to work that day just in case it’s some national holiday. We’re very inventive when it comes to our national holidays, after all.
If love is complicated enough, Valentine’s Day makes it worse.
I personally love Valentine’s. I’m one of those women who will glare if my boyfriend does forget about it. I’m a romantic. I buy into all that chocolate, flowers and teddy bear crap. I love it and I thank Hallmark for creating it. Imagine: it’s the one day you can be unapologetically cheesy.
Valentine’s reminds us of the beautiful effects of romance. Even if it may cost you a pretty penny, it’s nice to be celebrated by someone you love. It’s even more special if your beloved is not really into it. Nothing says I love you more than being forced to participate in this.
Romance is an industry all its own. Although romance can be cheap like simply opening a door for a lady or writing “I love you†on a Post-it, it still entices people to go the extra mile. I blame the movies for ballooning romance into an enterprise. Think of all the times you bought a new dress for a first date. Think of the times you bought some lingerie to perk up a bland domestic situation. Think of those “I’m so sorry†gifts (men have been known to say I’m sorry with Chanel. I’m so surprised by how many men have an encyclopedic knowledge of handbags and shoes) and those honeymoon phase “I laaaab you sooo much†no-occasion trinkets. It all adds up.
Ah, if only you men knew how standing up from your chair as your date enters the room already earns you so many points; it makes Chanel become a very distant thought. The pursuit of love has also now become a sport. All these books! Do men really love bitches? Do you need to play by “The Rules� Mars and Venus? And let’s not forget the swan song book, He’s Just Not That Into You. Love has never been more intellectualized.
I’m not a “Rules†girl. I have had actual panic attacks reading all these books because it seems like a game that combines the rules of chess, Twister, Pictionary and Taboo. So much subterfuge!
Even if I don’t do that seductive dance, there are still some skills to be honed. There are some truths to be embraced. There are some poker faces to be made. So far, this is what I know to bring home the metal:
Learn to craft the perfect first e-mail. SMS can sometimes disappear in the digital abyss, Facebook messages are just so lame, Twitter is psychotic, voice calls just a little too much pressure — the e-mail is simple and it will never disappear. Death, taxes and e-mails: the three certain things in life. Keep it simple. Don’t babble. Keep it short, two compact paragraphs at the most. Start with something that ties you in together, perhaps an event where you saw each other or a breed of dog that you both particularly like. Anything that is easy and simple. Do not talk about your personal life, and especially not your exes. Always end with a leading question to keep things going. Also make sure that you have a pretty decent e-mail address. Things can go south very fast if your e-mail address is iwanttogetmarried@hotmail.com. Actually a hotmail address is enough to turn me off.
It’s important to know that the honeymoon period does not always happen during the beginning of a relationship. Awkwardness is always the critical cousin of ardor. Sure, some of us have had those supernova romances. I’ve had a couple and it all went to hell shortly after. The more quality romances that I have been party to were those that burned slow. Some even took years, obviously they didn’t last but those love affairs became part of me. The long-drawn Edwardian romances are more about tentative kisses, cold beds and a lot of talking. It’s wonderful and I am a big fan of the in-between honeymoon period. It just seems just so much more substantial because you both earned it. So if it’s not Ayala fireworks in the beginning, if you like the person and you share the same values, then you must tell yourself that the best is yet to come.
Games will draw a man in, but it won’t be what will keep him in the relationship. I hate games. In school I never cheated because it was just so stressful. All those codes and backward catchphrases printed on your palms, it was just too much trouble. Studying was so much easier. In dating, I do the opposite of what every dating book tells me. If I want to see someone five days in a row, I will. Obviously there’s earnest, and then there’s stalker. Stalker is if you have more word bubbles on your side of the SMS window than he does. Stop it and chill out if this happens. There’s playing hard to get and there’s also a thing called having your own life. I strongly advise you to have one. See him when your life allows it; never flake out on plans with friends and family just for a guy. You can have the flattest abs, look like Olivia Palermo and have the sense of humor of Tina Fey, but if all you do is stare at your phone until your retina rebels, you are a lost cause. There’s another reason why men are called dogs: they can smell fear and desperation. This is not Game of Thrones. Relax. If you’re one of those wily drunks who think calling a guy you fancy at 4 a.m. is a good idea, get this app call Drunk Dial No!. Also it helps not to memorize their numbers.
Guys really need their space. It’s not an excuse. So when your guy suddenly withdraws, let me tell you, don’t freak out and get a boob job. This is where that convenient “having a life bit†comes into play. This usually happens after the guy professes his love and crap. This is how they process things. They will come back. Frankly, I always needed to remind myself this whenever my boyfriend would do this. It’s so tempting to help him out of it or, worse, talk about it. This is when you look away and do a really long Sex and the City marathon.
Don’t be afraid to say “I love you.†From time immemorial people have had badges sewn on their sleeves for good deeds. So why should your heart not be on your sleeve? Just as long as you’re not creepy about it, letting someone know that they are loved is a wonderful thing. There’s no shame in blinking first.
