The race to end all races

Here’s my favorite story about eating: My dad and his friends once went to a restaurant to enjoy its famous buffet. Since all of them had large appetites and equally large figures, they went to the restaurant, prepared to do some serious eating. And eat they did, going back for more – and more and more. They ate so much that the manager came up to them and asked them to stop eating. He was so desperate; he even offered them money to leave. True story.

Here’s another story about eating: On my way to Makati to do a food review, my editor called me up and asked me to attend a food race sponsored by Visa. Coming from a family of illustrious eaters, I couldn’t say no, and as I stopped in front of Temple – the home base for the event – my mind raced with thoughts of all the lovely food I was going to eat.

Unfortunately, the kind of food race I had in mind – sitting down and eating as much food as possible – was not to be. It was an Amazing Race-type of thing, I was told as I groaned inwardly – which meant running around, solving clues, and then eating.

I can’t possibly do this, I thought to myself. First of all, I avoid exertion like the plague; and second, I was dressed in a long skirt and flats, while everyone else was in jeans and sneakers. A sense of foreboding hit me. This was one food race where my excellent eating skills would not be a plus.

As I stood in line with my fellow red team members, I scoped out the competition. "We can so beat these people," I said to myself, as I saw all the skinny celebs leading their teams. "These people don’t have the stomach or the will to eat tons of food," I remarked smugly to Jacs Sampayan. Sadly, my prediction turned out to be so very wrong.

As host Tricia Chiongbian announced the grand prize to the participants – two tickets to Hong Kong with breakfast and accommodations for each team member – I felt the energy of the entire group jump up a notch. Now, instead of treating this event like the silly game that it was, people were suddenly gearing up to win, stretching their flanks as they waited for the starting call.

As soon as the host yelled "go!" people were off grabbing their clues in color-coordinated envelopes as they rushed out of Temple.

"Something about cake," said one of my teammates, while scanning the clue. "That must be Bizu," I yelled excitedly. My teammates immediately ran to the other side of Greenbelt. As we entered, we were pointed to a table with a rich chocolate cake and then informed that we "must finish entire cake" before getting our next clue.

I hadn’t realized it was possible, but chocolate cake, no matter how lovely, is not enjoyable when you’re stuffing it in your mouth at a criminal rate while people around you are urgently saying, "faster, faster!" It should be eaten at a leisurely pace, while you lovingly sample each bite of frosting and sponge cake. Instead, we were cramming it in our mouths at an unhealthy pace, while other teams were quickly entering the restaurant.

When every last chocolate morsel was scraped from the cake plate, we were offered our next clue. Before I could catch my breath, we were off to Red Box, home of videoke, where we were told to sing London Bridge.

"No food?" I asked, grateful for the respite. The orange team had arrived at roughly the same time, so as we hurriedly sang London Bridge – in a delightfully off-key manner – they quickly went through the motions of singing as well.

The next clue mentioned an Italian restaurant known for its famous lemonades. My mind scrambled through a mental list of Greenbelt jaunts, and then ping! "Grappa’s!" I shouted while rushing to the escalator. "That’s Italian for drinks, right?" My trusting teammates ran to Grappa’s, and as we rushed into the semi-empty interior, we realized I was wrong.

"Ummm…" I said, as my teammates turned to look at me in a semi-accusing way. "Maybe it’s Italianni’s?"

Like flashes of lightning, they were out, running to the next destination, while I clumsily scrambled behind them – winded and huffing from exhaustion – then, boom. I fell on my ass right in front of the lunchtime diners at Bubba Gump. The slippery floor along with my impractical flats aided my fall, and as I went "oof!" with surprise – and not a little pain – a matrona seated nearby let out an "Ay! Diyos ko!"

I quickly got up, while my kind teammate Myla ran back and helped me up, asking concernedly, "Are you OK?"

"Oh, fine," I said, embarrassed. "Is there anything on my skirt?"

We continued running – it seemed like a never-ending race at this point, and I was about ready to give up – and as we passed by the parking area to get to the second level of Greenbelt 2, one of the guards went, "Is this for the free trip to Hong Kong?" in Tagalog. "At this point, I couldn’t care less about Hong Kong," I replied crankily, while I limped behind my energetic teammates.

When we got to Italianni’s, other teams were busily downing huge glasses of lemonade.

"Oh no," I thought. "I have a small bladder. This will make me pee, for sure."

"It’s Nanbantei. Our next stop is Nanbantei!" Quickly, we were off to return to Greenbelt 3. When we were seated, the waiters placed a Japanese noodle dish in front of us, with only one pair of chopsticks. Apparently, we had to eat with our hands. This is the last straw, I wanted to scream. I am not dipping my dirty hands into a noodle dish!

"Could we just have this to go?" I asked the waiter, hoping he’d laugh and "accidentally" drop a small portion of the heaping noodles onto the floor in sympathy.

The final destination was Oyster Bar, where we had to eat Oysters Rockefeller – which on a normal occasion would be a great dish – but at the moment, was the last thing I wanted to look at, much less eat. As we ran back to home base, disgustingly full team leader Brad Turvey kindly waited for me, as I lagged behind – again!

"It’s the final stop, Bea," he said. "It’s almost over."

"Red team takes fourth place!" announced the host just as we entered.

"Oh my God," I muttered in horror as I sank into a chair. "Are we dead last?"

"Oh, no," replied one of the Visa people kindly, perhaps taking pity on my pathetic state. "There are four other teams that haven’t finished yet."

When I got to talk to Visa country manager Jim Dixon, he seemed sympathetic to my plight, saying, "I wish we could have given the other teams consolation prizes because they put so much effort into this game."

When I asked about this whole event – the reasoning behind this zany food-race scheme –Dixon laughed and said simply, "Visa gourmet perks."

The program works like this: If you eat at any of the listed establishments in Visa’s promo and pay for your meal using your Visa, you can get discounts or free dishes. Kai, for example, offers free dessert for a minimum purchase of P500. The participating establishments are from Greenbelt, Glorietta, and Eastwood, Libis.

Filipinos are known for their obsession with food. Whether it comes to fiestas, holidays, homecomings or even just their midday meal, food is a major part of every Pinoy’s life.

"Filipinos love to eat," echoed Jim Dixon, which is why Visa came up with the Mystery Diner promo. Dine at any of the participating establishments and then pay for your meal with your Visa card. If one of the mystery diners – "It could be me or a host of other people from Visa," clarified Dixon – see you using your Visa, they’ll automatically foot the bill for your meal. Only bills P5,000 and below are covered though, the customer has to foot the rest of the bill. Not only that, but the Visa promo provides a P3,000 tip for your waiter.

"It’s a win-win situation," said Dixon confidently. "We’ve received overwhelming response from the consumers and merchants. And who knows? If this turns out really well, we might have a gourmet perks, part two."

I pity the people at the next Visa food race. They don’t know what they’re in for.

And here’s a final story: After the event, I was stuffed, exhausted, and bruised.

"I’m so full, I can’t eat anymore," I groaned, as I settled into a chair outside Temple, across Inquirer writer Beia Formoso.

"Are you sure?" said Amor Maclang, evil PR mastermind of this whole event. "You can look at the menu and order anything you want."

I paused. "Well, maybe I’ll order something," I said thoughtfully. I must’ve burned a ton of calories from all that running anyway.

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With over 50 participating establishments, the gourmet perks promo runs until March 15, 2005. The promo is open to all Visa credit and electron cardholders, principal and supplementary.