Foreigner's Pinay fiancée is 'confused'

Dear Nanay,

My fiancée and I were in love for almost two years. Before that she had a boyfriend whom she broke up with well before I met her. We both were so close to each other and had a nice intimacy. We prepared everything for the marriage when suddenly, due to the delay in documents processing, I had to go back to my country. She is a Filipina and I am a foreigner. Unfortunately due to the recession and economic crisis I could not get my transfer back to the Philippines for almost two years.

When I told her that everything was ready and we could have the wedding, she suddenly said she couldn’t marry me anymore. After a couple of months, when she came to know that I would be permanently transferred to the Philippines, she started texting me like before. Then I came back and she was so eager to meet me. We both met and she said we would work it out.

After a couple of weeks she stopped texting me and did not even respond to my phone call. I then tried to meet her but she refused and finally we both met and she said she would not go back to me forever since her love for me had faded and she felt she should go back to her ex-boyfriend. 

Her parents spoke with us and then we talked to each other again, and that time she said she broke up with that guy and now she was open to me as well, but she needed some space and she couldn’t assure me if she would get back to me.

Finally she apologized to me and I accepted her apology and told her I would wait for her to tell me what was her problem. Now that she is free of that guilt, she can think freely. Her parents said they would counsel her again and would make her understand my love. Her parents don’t want her to get married to her ex-boyfriend for various reasons: financially, his character, etc. Now she is texting me normally again but I don’t know how to proceed with her and win her back.

Thank you for your advice.

Confused

Dear Confused,

At the very least, I think you will have to accept that it is not you but your girlfriend who is “confused.” 

It does not sound like she knows what to do or who to be with. Perhaps the best thing for you to do is give her one last chance and just set a deadline for her to decide. And if she still does not know at that time, then just take that answer as a “no” and it is time for you to move on with your life and look for someone else. Maybe she is not the one for you.

With regard to her parents, I am happy for you that you seem to have her parents’ vote of confidence. However, I doubt they will have very much influence on her in matters of the heart. She will likely follow her own heart. And in case she does follow them, I do not think you want to end up with her because her parents told her to be with you. You want her to be the one to choose you.

Sincerely,

Nanay

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One Handicapped Person Inspires Another

Dear Nanay,

Thank you so much for publishing my letter. I wasn’t expecting it. I really just wanted my message to reach “L.”

I am very grateful that you found my letter inspiring enough to publish. I am actually reluctant to share my story except with those who are close to me, because until now I am still embarrassed about my handicap. I was, however, compelled to write when I read L’s cry for help. If my story can inspire others, then my misfortune will have served a purpose.

C

And this is a letter from the daughter of L to C:

Dear C,

Good day to you. This is L’s daughter. My mother told me about your letter and as I was reading it, I must say that I could completely relate to everything that you went through, for I also experienced those things. One thing I realized is that I am not really alone. There are people out there who have the same situation as me. I want you to know that you are more fortunate than I am, because that incident happened to you when you were already established, had a job and savings. As for me, my hearing impairment occurred when I was just six years old. The medicine the doctor prescribed me to take had side effects on my ears. It went to the extent that I lost my hearing in my left ear. I grew up experiencing a lot of humiliation, depression and frustration.

But that did not stop me from reaching my dreams and believing that God could heal me. Despite my hearing problem, I was able to play instruments and participate in every dance program in school. I also joined some writing contests, since writing is one of my hobbies. I was able to finish a four-year course and will be graduating this April.

Since I am the eldest, I have always dreamt of taking care of my parents and helping them send my two sisters to school. All I ever wanted is to find a job so that I could help my family and other people who need help financially.

I gave my very best to finish college because I want a good future and want to prove my worth. I have a dream and that’s what I am holding on to. I don’t want that everything we have worked hard for will just go to waste. I have already applied to three companies. I passed the exam but failed the interviews. But I am not losing hope and I will still give my best in finding a job.

I want to thank you for sharing your story with me. To be honest with you, your story gave me hope, inspiration and increased my self-confidence. I will be praying for us and I hope that you will not get tired of believing that God can heal us.

The daughter of ‘L’

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If you have a question, e-mail us at asknanay@nationalbookstore.com.ph or just drop your letter at drop boxes in all National Book Store branches nationwide.