The art of receiving

It’s Christmas once again and the burning question in everyone’s mind is what gifts to give.

Sadly, most of the gift-giving that happens in Christmas in the corporate world is motivated by two reasons: we want to do a little PR to the person we’re giving to (because we hope to be able to do business with him/her); or we want to return a favor.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to give gifts for PR purposes or giving to someone who gave you a gift. Giving gifts for those reasons is certainly better than being a Scrooge or being totally indifferent about Christmas. It’s certainly better than not making an effort to share at all.

What actually bothers me is not so much the giving, but the lack of receiving. A priest recently expounded on this and offered a fresh perspective on the whole concept of giving and receiving.

The priest said, "There’s an old saying that goes, ‘Giving is better than receiving.’ I don’t agree with that. I think receiving, especially this Christmastime, is better than giving. In giving, we have full control. When we give, we get to decide. We determine who gets a gift, what gift we’re going to give, and when we give the gift. In receiving, we absolutely have no control. We don’t get to choose the people who gives us gifts. We don’t get to pick the time when we are given a gift. And, we don’t get to choose the gift itself. In receiving, we get whatever is given to us by people we did not choose – and we get the gift not in our own time – but in the time of the giver. And basically, we have to decide – do I accept or not?"

His point was it’s not so much the gifts we give that’s important, but it’s how we receive the Lord – His words and blessings – and how we accept these gifts and make use of them in our lives.

The message was really timely because I was just about to go on a last-minute Christmas shopping spree for people I hardly know – people whom I feel I should give a gift to. Meantime, however, I have been receiving gifts from people and yet, I’ve not even taken the time to acknowledge receiving them. I thought that the appropriate way of acknowledging that I received the gifts was to give a gift in return. But by doing that, I wasn’t "receiving" – I was merely returning a favor. In other words, I was just trading gifts.

A lot of us Pinoys, especially the less fortunate ones, like doleouts. Poor people depend a lot on the charity of others – and they receive wholeheartedly. But I’ve also noticed that a lot of us have a hard time receiving. We seem to have a hard time receiving compliments. I guess we feel that by receiving the compliment, we are acknowledging the positive perception of others and this might be viewed as being mayabang. But we shouldn’t be thinking that way. When someone compliments you, acknowledge it. Receive it with open arms. Be grateful. It will make the compliment-giver happier. By receiving the compliment, you give something in return – your appreciation which, sadly, a lot of us have forgotten to do.

When someone gives you something, don’t say, "Uy nag-abala ka pa!" Receive the gift graciously by saying, "Wow, thank you so much, I appreciate it." When I give a gift, and someone receives it wholeheartedly, I feel really good. On the other hand, nothing is worse than giving something and the recipient doesn’t receive it. And so when we get something – even something we don’t particularly want or need – we are thankful. And we should express it. We should say, "Thank you. I really appreciate it." Let’s cut the "wow-you-didn’t-have-to" crap.

In the corporate world, when your boss says, "Good job!", don’t just say, "Wala yon, sir." While that may be impressive (and your humility may be commendable), it is also important to acknowledge that you were just given a compliment and you must receive it. Remember, there’s a difference between being humble and being pa-humble. The compliment is there – grab it!

Because while it is true that it is in giving that we receive, we will never know how to give the right way if we don’t know how to receive. When we receive, we humble ourselves and we acknowledge that we cannot live without other people. And when you know that, you will realize that you are needed by other people as well.

So this Christmas, give generously, but also learn to receive graciously. By receiving well, you could be giving the best gift to people.

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Thanks for your letters! You may e-mail at rodnepo@yahoo.com.