Doing a Princess Di
June 6, 2003 | 12:00am
Hi! I’m just one of those who read your articles on YS. I’ve always been chubby since I was small. The only time I get thin is when I get sick. My officemates see me as a fat person but the scales say that I’m just fine. My old clothes still fit me; I even went down a size or two. However, I developed a problem on my eating habits. I eat three meals a day but after 30 minutes or so, I vomit all what I have eaten. I’m still trying to shed the extra fat I have around my belly. Any suggestions?
I do hope you’ll reply so that I could have some ideas on what to do. Thanks! – Pudgy
You, my friend, have a problem, and it’s quite a serious one. It sounds like you are suffering from an eating disorder called bulimia. Bulimics eat what they want, but in order to lose weight at the same time, they deliberately throw up their food. It may sound like an efficient way to lose weight, but it is extremely unhealthy and can lead to hospitalization and, in extreme cases, death.
I know you want to lose weight, but come on now, is it really worth risking your health or even your life? There are efficient ways of reducing those extra pounds, but this is not one of them. By vomiting your food, you are getting rid of all the nutrients found in that food as well as bringing up all the volatile stomach acids into your throat and mouth. It also puts a lot of stress on your system and completely messes up your body’s metabolism and how it processes your food.
To give you an idea of how dangerous vomiting on a regular basis can be, imagine for a moment your stomach acids being brought up (I apologize to anyone out there having breakfast at the moment). These acids are used by your body to break down foodstuff and all sorts of foreign material that we shovel into our mouths. This is a hefty job and so the acid has to be pretty potent stuff. Your stomach wall has a lining that keeps these acids from eating away at your insides, as do the different valves that lead to and from the stomach.
Now when you vomit your food, not only does the food come up, but also a lot of the acid. Vomiting once in a while when you’re sick isn’t going to do any long-term damage, but do it often enough and that acid starts to eat away at the unprotected areas of your internal organs where it’s not meant to be. Proof of this is the fact that dentists are sometimes the first people to know if one of their patients is bulimic. Not because of their weight loss, but because on examination of their teeth, they can see how the corrosive stomach acids have eaten away at the inner sides of the teeth from being constantly sprayed during vomiting. Now if it can do that to your teeth, imagine what it’s doing to the rest of you!
There is no quick fix for weight loss. It takes determination and a little hard work. You talk about wanting to change your shape and yet you haven’t mentioned any desire to go on a diet and exercise. Ignore the scales for the time being as they can be a very deceptive indicator. I’m 5’11 and weigh about 160 lbs. However, I know other people with the same height and weight, but whose body looks vastly different, maybe even a bit choppy. That’s because height and weight give no indication of whether that weight is made up of muscle or fat. From the way you’ve described yourself, it sounds like you’re comprised of more fat than muscle (incidentally, vomiting doesn’t build muscle, so your body will still be soft).
Instead of doing a Linda Blair impersonation after every meal (ever watch The Exorcist?), try eating smaller, more frequent meals throughout the day. Also cut down on your carbohydrate intake, especially rice. Don’t eat heavy meals in the evening, and very importantly, get some exercise! You’ll find that these simple steps will help you shed the fat and tone the body so that your ideal weight is made up of muscle instead of fat. Keep at it and you’ll find it can change your life (and impress the heck out of those girls at the office).
Hi Marc,
I just want an honest opinion from a straight person like you. I am bisexual. Ever since I started dating other guys, it has been a learning experience. Last month, I broke up with my boyfriend and so as not to succumb to depression, I started dating guys again. For the past month, I have met guys who tell me that they are "straight." I couldn’t help laughing since my close friends told me it’s impossible. I even asked them why they are interested in a bi like me. They would insist that they’re straight and they just find me nice and goodlooking. One even told me he loves me just as he loves his girlfriend. Is it really possible for a straight guy to fall for someone like me? Stereotyping tells us that this is only possible if money is involved. But this is not the case for me. I hope you could enlighten me on this. Good luck and more power! – Confused Jeri
It sounds like these guys are the ones who are confused. Incidentally, you referred to "straight" guys falling for bi or gay guys only because of money. I want to clarify the issue by saying that if the relationship is based on money, then it is highly unlikely that they have "fallen" in love at all. Except maybe with the money itself. If someone is with you just because of the money, then it is less of a relationship and more of a payment for services rendered, don’t forget that.
On the question of whether a straight guy can fall for a bisexual, the answer in my opinion is no. If a guy likes another guy romantically, then he is at the very least bisexual, if not gay. It’s very possible for a straight guy to be good friends and buddies with another guy, even a gay or bi one, but that friendship and love is more of a brotherhood thing than a romantic one.
From what you have told me, there are two issues you need to deal with here. Firstly, are you sure that the feelings these guys express are romantic ones? Maybe they just want to be friends and have become so comfortable with you as a friend that they don’t mind expressing how close they feel to you (in a purely platonic sense that is).
You and some of your past boyfriends are bi, so perhaps your relationships with them started from something similar. Friendship which developed into something more. The difference here is that the guys are straight (assuming for a moment that they really are), and so you should read no malice into their closeness to you.
Incidentally, you call yourself bi, and yet you refer to your ex-boyfriends with no mention of any females in your life. Are you sure you’re really bi? Or maybe you’re actually a full-fledged gay who hasn’t completely come to terms with it? Just because you may have been involved with a couple of girls in the past doesn’t make you bi in the present. Are you still attracted to girls at all? I have some gay friends who even have children from past heterosexual relationships, but who have now come to realize their overriding preference for men, thus proclaiming themselves as gay. Girls are no longer an option to them.
This brings us to the second issue: realization of homosexuality. I mentioned earlier that it sounds as though these guys may be confused. If a guy tells you he loves you the same way he loves his girlfriend, then you should probably break the news to him that he’s not straight (either that or he has an extremely boring and platonic relationship with his girlfriend...poor girl).
This is still a pretty conservative society, although it is gradually opening up. However, family values and opinions are still strong enough to scare most men with gay tendencies into hiding, sometimes even from themselves. They can even convince themselves they are straight, although their words and sometimes their actions betray their true feelings. Sounds to me like you’ve met a couple who need to come out of the closet.
I’m not saying that every guy who is friendly to you is a hidden gay. Most, like myself, are just not at all homophobic and so comfortable with our sexuality that we see nothing wrong with having close gay friends in the same way that we have straight male or female friends (or even lesbians for that matter). Don’t mistake friendliness for attraction.
So in answer to your question, no, it is generally not possible for a straight guy to fall in love with a bi (or possibly gay) guy like you. However, it is possible for a confused gay or bi guy who hasn’t come out of the closet yet to fall for you. Now you just have to accurately figure out which of these two situations you are in.
Send your questions to question_marc@ hotmail.com.
I do hope you’ll reply so that I could have some ideas on what to do. Thanks! – Pudgy
You, my friend, have a problem, and it’s quite a serious one. It sounds like you are suffering from an eating disorder called bulimia. Bulimics eat what they want, but in order to lose weight at the same time, they deliberately throw up their food. It may sound like an efficient way to lose weight, but it is extremely unhealthy and can lead to hospitalization and, in extreme cases, death.
I know you want to lose weight, but come on now, is it really worth risking your health or even your life? There are efficient ways of reducing those extra pounds, but this is not one of them. By vomiting your food, you are getting rid of all the nutrients found in that food as well as bringing up all the volatile stomach acids into your throat and mouth. It also puts a lot of stress on your system and completely messes up your body’s metabolism and how it processes your food.
To give you an idea of how dangerous vomiting on a regular basis can be, imagine for a moment your stomach acids being brought up (I apologize to anyone out there having breakfast at the moment). These acids are used by your body to break down foodstuff and all sorts of foreign material that we shovel into our mouths. This is a hefty job and so the acid has to be pretty potent stuff. Your stomach wall has a lining that keeps these acids from eating away at your insides, as do the different valves that lead to and from the stomach.
Now when you vomit your food, not only does the food come up, but also a lot of the acid. Vomiting once in a while when you’re sick isn’t going to do any long-term damage, but do it often enough and that acid starts to eat away at the unprotected areas of your internal organs where it’s not meant to be. Proof of this is the fact that dentists are sometimes the first people to know if one of their patients is bulimic. Not because of their weight loss, but because on examination of their teeth, they can see how the corrosive stomach acids have eaten away at the inner sides of the teeth from being constantly sprayed during vomiting. Now if it can do that to your teeth, imagine what it’s doing to the rest of you!
There is no quick fix for weight loss. It takes determination and a little hard work. You talk about wanting to change your shape and yet you haven’t mentioned any desire to go on a diet and exercise. Ignore the scales for the time being as they can be a very deceptive indicator. I’m 5’11 and weigh about 160 lbs. However, I know other people with the same height and weight, but whose body looks vastly different, maybe even a bit choppy. That’s because height and weight give no indication of whether that weight is made up of muscle or fat. From the way you’ve described yourself, it sounds like you’re comprised of more fat than muscle (incidentally, vomiting doesn’t build muscle, so your body will still be soft).
Instead of doing a Linda Blair impersonation after every meal (ever watch The Exorcist?), try eating smaller, more frequent meals throughout the day. Also cut down on your carbohydrate intake, especially rice. Don’t eat heavy meals in the evening, and very importantly, get some exercise! You’ll find that these simple steps will help you shed the fat and tone the body so that your ideal weight is made up of muscle instead of fat. Keep at it and you’ll find it can change your life (and impress the heck out of those girls at the office).
I just want an honest opinion from a straight person like you. I am bisexual. Ever since I started dating other guys, it has been a learning experience. Last month, I broke up with my boyfriend and so as not to succumb to depression, I started dating guys again. For the past month, I have met guys who tell me that they are "straight." I couldn’t help laughing since my close friends told me it’s impossible. I even asked them why they are interested in a bi like me. They would insist that they’re straight and they just find me nice and goodlooking. One even told me he loves me just as he loves his girlfriend. Is it really possible for a straight guy to fall for someone like me? Stereotyping tells us that this is only possible if money is involved. But this is not the case for me. I hope you could enlighten me on this. Good luck and more power! – Confused Jeri
It sounds like these guys are the ones who are confused. Incidentally, you referred to "straight" guys falling for bi or gay guys only because of money. I want to clarify the issue by saying that if the relationship is based on money, then it is highly unlikely that they have "fallen" in love at all. Except maybe with the money itself. If someone is with you just because of the money, then it is less of a relationship and more of a payment for services rendered, don’t forget that.
On the question of whether a straight guy can fall for a bisexual, the answer in my opinion is no. If a guy likes another guy romantically, then he is at the very least bisexual, if not gay. It’s very possible for a straight guy to be good friends and buddies with another guy, even a gay or bi one, but that friendship and love is more of a brotherhood thing than a romantic one.
From what you have told me, there are two issues you need to deal with here. Firstly, are you sure that the feelings these guys express are romantic ones? Maybe they just want to be friends and have become so comfortable with you as a friend that they don’t mind expressing how close they feel to you (in a purely platonic sense that is).
You and some of your past boyfriends are bi, so perhaps your relationships with them started from something similar. Friendship which developed into something more. The difference here is that the guys are straight (assuming for a moment that they really are), and so you should read no malice into their closeness to you.
Incidentally, you call yourself bi, and yet you refer to your ex-boyfriends with no mention of any females in your life. Are you sure you’re really bi? Or maybe you’re actually a full-fledged gay who hasn’t completely come to terms with it? Just because you may have been involved with a couple of girls in the past doesn’t make you bi in the present. Are you still attracted to girls at all? I have some gay friends who even have children from past heterosexual relationships, but who have now come to realize their overriding preference for men, thus proclaiming themselves as gay. Girls are no longer an option to them.
This brings us to the second issue: realization of homosexuality. I mentioned earlier that it sounds as though these guys may be confused. If a guy tells you he loves you the same way he loves his girlfriend, then you should probably break the news to him that he’s not straight (either that or he has an extremely boring and platonic relationship with his girlfriend...poor girl).
This is still a pretty conservative society, although it is gradually opening up. However, family values and opinions are still strong enough to scare most men with gay tendencies into hiding, sometimes even from themselves. They can even convince themselves they are straight, although their words and sometimes their actions betray their true feelings. Sounds to me like you’ve met a couple who need to come out of the closet.
I’m not saying that every guy who is friendly to you is a hidden gay. Most, like myself, are just not at all homophobic and so comfortable with our sexuality that we see nothing wrong with having close gay friends in the same way that we have straight male or female friends (or even lesbians for that matter). Don’t mistake friendliness for attraction.
So in answer to your question, no, it is generally not possible for a straight guy to fall in love with a bi (or possibly gay) guy like you. However, it is possible for a confused gay or bi guy who hasn’t come out of the closet yet to fall for you. Now you just have to accurately figure out which of these two situations you are in.
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