Romance and finance

I don’t treat August as ghost month. My husband, whom I call my favorite person in the world, was born in this month and we also sealed the most important contract of our life in this month. August is more like a love month to me.

Many famous and respected people like Warren Buffett and John Gokongwei Jr., have been quoted giving this nugget of wisdom, “The most important decision you make in your life is who you will marry.” Well, at least, for those who intend to get married. 

History of marriage

Marriage is a very old institution, about 4,350 years old. It evolved from loosely organized groups of several male leaders, multiple women shared by them, and children. The first recorded evidence of marriage ceremonies uniting one man and one woman dates back to about 2350 B.C. in Mesopotamia. Its primary purpose was to bind a woman to a man to make sure that her children were his. Essentially, the woman became the man’s property.

When the Roman Catholic church became a powerful institution, the blessings of a priest was made a necessary element for the marriage to be recognized. This improved the condition of women in marriage as it was now a monogamous relationship, even forbidding husbands to divorce their wives. 

As women gained more rights in our society, their say in the marriage has also increased. From “being owned” by the husband, to having laws that recognize marital rape.

What’s love got to do with it?

The late Tina Turner’s song with this title talks about love as a second-hand emotion. And we may as well pause a bit to think about the role of love in marriage. 

Marriage is an economic partnership. This is why couples were brought together for practical reasons in arranged marriages that still exist to this day. Later on, the husband and wife may “fall in love” developing mutual devotion to each other. 

The idea of romantic love as the motivating factor for marriage must have started in the Middle Ages and some scholars believe that the French were the proponents of it.  

Still, marriage remains an economic partnership. But this thought probably does not sit well with most couples who have bought into the French idea. What about you? Which do you think should come first in a marriage? Love or the economic soundness? 

We need both the romance and finance

Having been married for over three decades now (Aug. 12, 2023 marks our 34th anniversary), I think realizing that marriage is an economic partnership and that romance or what we call “falling in love” are both needed in a sound marriage. I can’t say which should come first. Ours started with friendship then love that has been nourished with sound economic partnership through shared money values. But I also know of sound marriages that started as arranged ones which took financial compatibility first, followed by love. What I know is that we should take care of these two aspects all throughout the marriage for it not just to survive, but to thrive.

The romance aspect in marriage is needed to keep the husband and wife devoted exclusively to each other and make the many challenges of raising a family more bearable. We need this “second hand emotion” to believe that we can overcome the impossible as long as we’re solid together as husband and wife. On the other hand, the finance aspect is so important to fulfill our family’s needs and wants. Many marital problems arise due to financial problems. Small irritations can be exaggerated by money problems and can lead to full-blown hiwalayan (separation). It is also difficult to feel romantic when you’re thinking of how to put food on the table or where to get the money to pay for your children’s tuition.

Both romance and finance should be present in healthy doses to have a sound marriage. And since #Forever is quite a challenge, they also need spirituality and other shared values to come into play. 

I wish to share with you two videos that tackle the romance and finance of marriage. I recorded these videos together with my favorite person in the world giving you two perspectives – the husband’s and the wife’s. Cheers to sound marriages!

Announcements:

1. Take the FQ test as a couple, whether you’re already married or just dating. Tag me if you want to share what your FQ scores are. 

2. Purchase any or all of the FQ books to enhance your FQ whether you’re married, hoping to get married, or opting to be single. 

Attributions: Marriage history - https://theweek.com/articles/528746/origins-marriage#:~:text=The%20first%20recorded%20evidence%20of,Hebrews%2C%20Greeks%2C%20and%20Romans.

This article is also published in FQMom.com.