Shut up and dance: Rihanna and Chris Brown disturb The Fort

If the aftermath was any indication, then last Sunday’s Rihanna + Chris Brown concert at The Fort Open Field was a massive success.

Said aftermath included, but was not limited to, difficulty in contacting your friends/driver due to clogged networks, being unable to find a place to eat (we tried six places; all had long lines and none could provide food within 45 minutes because of the backlog) and being trapped in gridlock for up to 90 minutes as you observed your blood pressure climb faster than your vehicle was moving.

This is what happens when 70,000 people gather to a relatively small area to watch the current royalty of pop.

Surprisingly the show began as scheduled (around 8 p.m.), almost unheard of in the Philippines. Many people who blithely thought they had ample time suddenly found themselves in a mad dash for the respective entrances, not wishing to miss the first few numbers of Chris Brown, who began the festivities with Wall to Wall as he was lowered onstage in a harness.

Brown then proceeded to pummel the crowd with his hits, including Kiss Kiss, Forever, Run It!, With You and more, alternating between hyperkinetic dance routines with his backup dancers and then slowly gyrating when the song demanded it.

There were transitional “skits” between songs, usually opportunities to put Brown’s famously flexible body to good use as his back-ups changed costumes.

The cherry on top had to be the Michael Jackson medley. An avowed inspiration of Brown’s, he and his dancers even recreated the dancing zombie sequence from the Thriller video, and for that, sir, my hat’s off to you.

But Brown’s shirt was off to me at the end of his set, when he finally displayed his abs and answered the question on every woman’s mind: “When’s he going to display his abs?”

After Brown’s set and some fireworks, Rihanna took the stage and the immediate attention of every red-blooded male in the audience, thanks to a stunningly sexy outfit that may best be described as “dominatrix.”

Kicking things off with Disturbia (which apparently isn’t about the Shia LaBeouf movie) Rihanna held the audience in sway as she went through her catalogue of chart-toppers with the shy modesty of a professional wrestler.

As she was singing hits such as SOS, Pon de Replay, Take a Bow and Shut Up and Drive I realized I knew all these songs — maybe not their names, or that they were all by the same person, but still. Even if you watch nothing but noontime variety shows (and God help you if that’s the case) you would be familiar with these songs.

Indeed, some of the very people who’ve brutalized these songs on those shows were likely in attendance. Snobs may scoff but Rihanna isn’t the female artist with the most #1 hits this decade for no reason: she knows how to make a song catchy, and make you want to dance.

Case in point: Please Don’t Stop the Music, an instant, anthemic classic that had the audience unafraid to embarrass themselves in public by dancing with abandon.

Extra bonus points for her cover of M.I.A.’s Paper Planes and the sampling of the White Stripes’ Seven-Nation Army.

Chris Brown reappeared to join Rihanna on show-ender Umbrella, capping the memorable evening with some public displays of affection (did I mention they’re a couple?) that had girls, and a guy or two, shrieking.