Joel’s heart
January 21, 2007 | 12:00am
Today, I would like to invite all of you to a short journey inside a very special place; a journey inside a portion of Joel’s heart. For scientists, the heart is merely an organ that performs a function. For me, the heart is the key to a person’s soul.
Joel had a heart filled with a treasure trove of virtues. It was a heart of gold. Joel’s heart was kind, gentle, compassionate, generous and selfless. It was a big heart with so much room for love. He was not perfect – but he was always noble and good. He never deliberately harmed anyone nor did he bear anyone ill will. I admire this, but do not know how he remained so pure for so long through so many tough experiences. How hard it is to be like him. How hard it must have been to be him.
Joel’s heart reveled in beauty, harmony and peace. He hated loneliness and he loved people. He had a big soft spot in his heart especially for those who were suffering, marginalized, alienated and misunderstood. People in turn naturally gravitated towards and became endeared to Joel… especially women. At the end of any party – be it a business convention or a social gathering, Joel would become friends with at least half the people inside the room. That people loved Joel is evidenced by the overwhelming attendance at his wake during the past few days. People so easily loved Joel because he did not judge them. Mother Teresa said, "If you judge others, you will have no time to love them." Joel did not judge. He simply loved.
Joel’s immense capacity to love in his quiet and yet intense way extended to animals. He had a dog, a rabbit, and even a parrot. Joel had a very special relationship with his pet parrot. He spent many, many hours every day after school bonding with and doting on him. He used a syringe to give and feed the parrot his favorite juice. When the parrot died, Joel held a meaningful funeral for him. We watched our 12-year-old brother quietly but intensely prepare for the burial; and we were so moved that we decided to join his funeral procession. All of us including the household help marched with him, until he laid his parrot to rest in a coffin that he had painstakingly made himself. For many weeks thereafter, Joel was melancholic. Yet he tried not to show us as he always suffered alone and in silence.
His compassion was so strong and almost uncontrollable. He took pity on even the most hideous of creatures. When we were little kids, we set a trap for a huge rat that had been living in a room which we both shared. We were so awed and amazed when one day we found the rat caged and stuck inside our trap. It actually worked. I had to leave for a while and explicitly told him not to let the rat go. When I got back after just a few seconds, Joel could not help it – out of pity, he let that ugly, hideous and huge rat go.
Joel had a very considerate heart. He had been my roommate for about 20 years, from the time he was born until the time I got married. As my roommate he tried so hard to make sure that I was always comfortable and stable. He shared all of his things with me and tried very hard not to inconvenience or be a burden to me. He was so sensitive and he always instinctively knew when I was feeling sad or troubled. He would do everything in his quiet and unimposing way to make me feel better and stronger. As his older brother, I was always trying to tell him what to do, and even if he did not agree with me, he would never argue. We never fought. Maybe I hurt his feelings, but he tried hard not to let me know. His heart was such that he would suffer in silence and swallow his feelings.
Joel’s heart desired to be of service and live for others. He strove for excellence not out of pride or ego, but in order to improve the well-being and absorb the difficulties of the people he loved. He devoted his talents to this purpose.
There were many times in our lives together that I felt so proud of him. He was a great athlete, an extremely diligent student, a very wise and a very deep philosopher/artist and poet and brilliant and very creative professional. For me, his star shone brightest in his mid-20s when he was working for both my Lolo Benny and Lola Glecy in Morocco. He played a big and important role in building a new and successful retail business in an unfamiliar market from scratch. When I visited him and watched his management and leadership in action, I hoped that one day I would be as good a business executive as him. He was lucky to be trained directly and guided so closely by no less than our Lolo Benny and Lola Glecy who at that time devoted themselves fully to building our business in Morocco. One time when I was tending to Lola while she was sick, she told me how greatly she respected the abilities of Joel. The most prominent business magazine in Morocco featured him as a fast-rising and brilliant retail executive, whom all young aspiring businessmen should emulate. He was well known, and every where I went with him around Morocco, people treated him like a prince.
Joel had a very generous heart. Whatever he had, he would give away to whomever would ask for it. If he only had P100 left in his pocket, and someone needed that P100, he would give it away. Stories abound as to how he would surprise his friends with very thoughtful and often extravagant gifts just because. He embodied the purity that comes from giving simply for the joy of it. He would give without hesitation.
Joel had a vulnerable heart. I decided very early in our childhood that I needed to protect him. I told him many times when we were roommates that whether he liked it or not, I was his protector. At the time, I felt he was so vulnerable, so forgiving and so anxious to please that people would take advantage of him. I wanted him with me at all times because I did not want anyone to bully him.
Joel’s heart was so good that others thought it was weakness. It was not weakness. It was overwhelming goodness. He was selfless. He focused on and cared about the feelings and interests of others, much more than his own. He did not seem to get offended even when others would hurt or betray him.
How do you protect a heart like Joel’s? How do you keep it from being broken? I thought I could, but we could not be roommates forever. When I got married, Joel tried even harder not to burden me with his troubles. He stepped back to give me room to focus on my family.
Over the years, Joel’s heart suffered deeply. The source of his suffering was his need to please, live up to expectations, and to express his love in great deeds that would benefit his loved ones. He always felt like he was not doing enough. He kept giving all of himself and no one could convince him that he did not need to do any more. His beautiful heart, in which resided his best virtues, was also the root cause of his personal struggles and internal turmoil. He wanted peace – and he always chose what I felt and told him was an unnecessarily much harder path.
Before he died, he had made plans to find his peace. The root of this peace was a powerful need to reciprocate what he called the "never-ending love and support" he received from his family. He wanted to achieve this on his own strength with as little support as possible from our family. It was a worthy plan but it would have entailed a supreme effort and a prolonged struggle for Joel. He felt this but he wanted to do it this way anyway. He was not afraid. However, God decided to relieve him of any further suffering. It was as if God said, "Joel, you have done enough to enter my kingdom. I know that you are exhausted. Rest now. Your struggles are over."
In death, Joel’s heart is now pure, free and happy. I am happy for this. However, Joel was my brother for 38 years. It’s so hard to imagine life without him. Every little thing I do, see, feel reminds me of him – reminds me of how truly special he was.
Joel had a poet’s heart so I will end with a poem by E.E. Cummings, which goes like this:
"I carry your heart with me. I carry it in my heart.
I am never without it. Anywhere I go, you go.
Here is the deepest secret nobody knows.
Here is the root of the root,
And the bud of the bud,
And the sky of the sky, of a tree called life, which grows higher than soul can hope, or mind can hide,
And this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart: I carry your heart – I carry it in my heart."
May all of us who loved Joel carry his heart in our hearts.
Joel had a heart filled with a treasure trove of virtues. It was a heart of gold. Joel’s heart was kind, gentle, compassionate, generous and selfless. It was a big heart with so much room for love. He was not perfect – but he was always noble and good. He never deliberately harmed anyone nor did he bear anyone ill will. I admire this, but do not know how he remained so pure for so long through so many tough experiences. How hard it is to be like him. How hard it must have been to be him.
Joel’s heart reveled in beauty, harmony and peace. He hated loneliness and he loved people. He had a big soft spot in his heart especially for those who were suffering, marginalized, alienated and misunderstood. People in turn naturally gravitated towards and became endeared to Joel… especially women. At the end of any party – be it a business convention or a social gathering, Joel would become friends with at least half the people inside the room. That people loved Joel is evidenced by the overwhelming attendance at his wake during the past few days. People so easily loved Joel because he did not judge them. Mother Teresa said, "If you judge others, you will have no time to love them." Joel did not judge. He simply loved.
Joel’s immense capacity to love in his quiet and yet intense way extended to animals. He had a dog, a rabbit, and even a parrot. Joel had a very special relationship with his pet parrot. He spent many, many hours every day after school bonding with and doting on him. He used a syringe to give and feed the parrot his favorite juice. When the parrot died, Joel held a meaningful funeral for him. We watched our 12-year-old brother quietly but intensely prepare for the burial; and we were so moved that we decided to join his funeral procession. All of us including the household help marched with him, until he laid his parrot to rest in a coffin that he had painstakingly made himself. For many weeks thereafter, Joel was melancholic. Yet he tried not to show us as he always suffered alone and in silence.
His compassion was so strong and almost uncontrollable. He took pity on even the most hideous of creatures. When we were little kids, we set a trap for a huge rat that had been living in a room which we both shared. We were so awed and amazed when one day we found the rat caged and stuck inside our trap. It actually worked. I had to leave for a while and explicitly told him not to let the rat go. When I got back after just a few seconds, Joel could not help it – out of pity, he let that ugly, hideous and huge rat go.
Joel had a very considerate heart. He had been my roommate for about 20 years, from the time he was born until the time I got married. As my roommate he tried so hard to make sure that I was always comfortable and stable. He shared all of his things with me and tried very hard not to inconvenience or be a burden to me. He was so sensitive and he always instinctively knew when I was feeling sad or troubled. He would do everything in his quiet and unimposing way to make me feel better and stronger. As his older brother, I was always trying to tell him what to do, and even if he did not agree with me, he would never argue. We never fought. Maybe I hurt his feelings, but he tried hard not to let me know. His heart was such that he would suffer in silence and swallow his feelings.
Joel’s heart desired to be of service and live for others. He strove for excellence not out of pride or ego, but in order to improve the well-being and absorb the difficulties of the people he loved. He devoted his talents to this purpose.
There were many times in our lives together that I felt so proud of him. He was a great athlete, an extremely diligent student, a very wise and a very deep philosopher/artist and poet and brilliant and very creative professional. For me, his star shone brightest in his mid-20s when he was working for both my Lolo Benny and Lola Glecy in Morocco. He played a big and important role in building a new and successful retail business in an unfamiliar market from scratch. When I visited him and watched his management and leadership in action, I hoped that one day I would be as good a business executive as him. He was lucky to be trained directly and guided so closely by no less than our Lolo Benny and Lola Glecy who at that time devoted themselves fully to building our business in Morocco. One time when I was tending to Lola while she was sick, she told me how greatly she respected the abilities of Joel. The most prominent business magazine in Morocco featured him as a fast-rising and brilliant retail executive, whom all young aspiring businessmen should emulate. He was well known, and every where I went with him around Morocco, people treated him like a prince.
Joel had a very generous heart. Whatever he had, he would give away to whomever would ask for it. If he only had P100 left in his pocket, and someone needed that P100, he would give it away. Stories abound as to how he would surprise his friends with very thoughtful and often extravagant gifts just because. He embodied the purity that comes from giving simply for the joy of it. He would give without hesitation.
Joel had a vulnerable heart. I decided very early in our childhood that I needed to protect him. I told him many times when we were roommates that whether he liked it or not, I was his protector. At the time, I felt he was so vulnerable, so forgiving and so anxious to please that people would take advantage of him. I wanted him with me at all times because I did not want anyone to bully him.
Joel’s heart was so good that others thought it was weakness. It was not weakness. It was overwhelming goodness. He was selfless. He focused on and cared about the feelings and interests of others, much more than his own. He did not seem to get offended even when others would hurt or betray him.
How do you protect a heart like Joel’s? How do you keep it from being broken? I thought I could, but we could not be roommates forever. When I got married, Joel tried even harder not to burden me with his troubles. He stepped back to give me room to focus on my family.
Over the years, Joel’s heart suffered deeply. The source of his suffering was his need to please, live up to expectations, and to express his love in great deeds that would benefit his loved ones. He always felt like he was not doing enough. He kept giving all of himself and no one could convince him that he did not need to do any more. His beautiful heart, in which resided his best virtues, was also the root cause of his personal struggles and internal turmoil. He wanted peace – and he always chose what I felt and told him was an unnecessarily much harder path.
Before he died, he had made plans to find his peace. The root of this peace was a powerful need to reciprocate what he called the "never-ending love and support" he received from his family. He wanted to achieve this on his own strength with as little support as possible from our family. It was a worthy plan but it would have entailed a supreme effort and a prolonged struggle for Joel. He felt this but he wanted to do it this way anyway. He was not afraid. However, God decided to relieve him of any further suffering. It was as if God said, "Joel, you have done enough to enter my kingdom. I know that you are exhausted. Rest now. Your struggles are over."
In death, Joel’s heart is now pure, free and happy. I am happy for this. However, Joel was my brother for 38 years. It’s so hard to imagine life without him. Every little thing I do, see, feel reminds me of him – reminds me of how truly special he was.
Joel had a poet’s heart so I will end with a poem by E.E. Cummings, which goes like this:
"I carry your heart with me. I carry it in my heart.
I am never without it. Anywhere I go, you go.
Here is the deepest secret nobody knows.
Here is the root of the root,
And the bud of the bud,
And the sky of the sky, of a tree called life, which grows higher than soul can hope, or mind can hide,
And this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart: I carry your heart – I carry it in my heart."
May all of us who loved Joel carry his heart in our hearts.
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