15 minutes of shame
One of the classic science questions I remember growing up was “What differentiates humans from animals?” At the time, the answers seemed obvious enough. For example, humans are intelligent, capable of love, speech, and creativity, etc. Now, I’m sure that there are many people out there who are a whole lot smarter than I am and who can explain these things in a clear scientific manner. Let me, however, try to analyze this from a layman’s standpoint. Are not animals like dolphins and chimpanzees intelligent, too? One recent study in the US in fact found that chimps performed about as well as college students at mental addition! Love? Well, I think that anyone who has a loyal dog for a pet would seriously contest the assertion that humans have a monopoly of that emotion. One of the inadvertent discoveries of the US Navy during the Cold War as they listened for Russian submarines in the Pacific Ocean was that whales could apparently speak and communicate to one another across the vast oceans! Some experts also say that in terms of sheer design and engineering brilliance, even the most complex skyscraper today pales in comparison to a simple ant hill or termite mound. So, if these so-called advanced characteristics of humans can also be exhibited by animals, is there really any one thing that makes us unique? As I pondered this question, I remembered the Creation story in Genesis and the very first thing that man was said to have experienced after being expelled from paradise: shame.
As soon as Adam and Eve bit the forbidden fruit, they immediately became aware of their nakedness and hid behind the trees because they were ashamed. I don’t know about you, but I can’t think of any other worldly creature that cares about jeans or underwear. Of course, many people nowadays don’t have a problem flashing themselves to others. Still, while their doing so creates controversy and uproar, seeing animals wearing clothes results only in laughter and amusement. Embarrassment about nudity, however, is only one facet of the shame we humans are prone to. Scholars point out that the First Couple’s sudden bout of vanity was but a symbol of the strong mix of emotions that they discovered after disobeying God — feelings of unworthiness, guilt, and disgrace. And as with their universal lack of interest in clothing apparel, I have also yet to see any beast delve into such kinds of self-introspection. I therefore posit that if there is one thing that makes humans unique, it is our capacity to feel shame. Thus is “Walang hiya ka! Animal ka!” (“You have no shame! You animal!”) the ultimate insult we heap on another person.
Given my belated scientific findings, I find the increasing lack of shame in society today quite troubling. Are we really going to the dogs? I am not just talking about the excessive lewdness and vulgarity in mass media or the prevalent “reality TV” mentality that encourages baring our most private thoughts and secrets to the entire world for the thrill of being famous (or infamous) for 15 minutes. What is even more depressing is the brazenness with which our very own leaders steal and lie to our faces without missing a beat. It makes one wonder whatever happened to shame? Be that as it may, I have no illusions of having the power to change the state of Philippine broadcasting, let alone the state of the Philippine nation. As a parent, however, I am concerned about how to nurture a healthy sense of shame in my children.
While shame may indeed seem to be in a state of decline, it is still a powerful tool in shaping behavior. In fact, some psychologists refer to it as the mother of all emotions, or the “master emotion.” During my generation, it was not uncommon for parents and teachers to shame us into getting better grades or to behave in a certain manner. Admittedly, some may have taken things too far and at times used it to humiliate and make others feel bad about how they looked or felt. I remember one time when one of my teachers in grade school got mad at our class. He asked us, in front of one of my classmates, if we all wanted to end up a loser like him. I don’t remember seeing how he reacted but it must have crushed him. This kind of negative shame undoubtedly has harmful effects that can haunt a person even during adulthood.
But while there are certain types of shame that can be destructive, there is also constructive shame. I think that one positive aspect of shame is when it keeps us honest; when it reveals to us our weaknesses, urges us to overcome them, and makes us feel a sense of guilt when we fail to do so. In this manner, shame can help us try to keep to the straight and narrow. Or as one author put it, “Positive shame is like a clanging bell. It alerts us of opportunities to act with honor.” We may not always rise up to the occasion and we may never do enough to get back to Eden. Nevertheless, there is no shame in trying. Unlike fame, however, we ought to at least make sure that our efforts last for more than 15 minutes. Colin Powell once said, “A sense of shame is not a bad moral compass.” This is the kind of shame that I hope to instill in my children. This is also the kind of shame that I think makes us most human.
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