'Meron akong kwento tungkol sa... MERON!'

WELLINGTON, NEW ZEALAND — I received one of the nicest gifts for my birthday this year. It was not something wrapped. It was just “rapped.”

It happened around three weeks ago in that special segment of Eat, Bulaga! where everyone in the show is involved — Juan For All, All For Juan Sugod Bahay Sa Barangay. After receiving the several gifts of appliances, food supplies and cash by the chosen family that day, the extremely happy mother became so emotional that she exclaimed,

“Naku po, maraming, maraming salamat po sa Eat, Bulaga! Kay Tito, Vic and Joey! Maraming, maraming salamat po! Thank you po, Lord!”

To which I deadpanned to Tito and Vic, “Teka pare, meron ba tayong co-host na Lord?”

I don’t remember anymore noticing any of my Dabarkads reacting to my sudden, one-of-a-kind “unkind” statement, although I heard some uncontrolled laughter from the audience. Yes, some guests in the studio found it funny. And yabang aside, I’m sure some would even find it cute. But I knew, too, that others would take it as stupid and nasty. Well, honestly, I would just rate it nutty and naughty. That’s me kasi.

And it’s possible also that nobody noticed that immediately after my kapilyuhan, I looked up and whispered, “Bossing, joke lang!”

And if my memory serves me right, I think Vic even said, “Ano, natakot ka rin ano?”

As our avid followers know us by now (actually lahat kaming mga Bulaga boys especially Jose, Wally, Vic and this writer), even in serious, very touching and tear-filled situations like this one, we always handle them lightly. We hate to rub things in — ‘yun bang taking advantage of a sad event; “maximizing by dramatizing more” so we would look good on TV and get more credits pa s’yempre. Ang tawag namin d’yan: Masturbating the misery! Ngek!

In truth, mas gusto pa siguro namin makakita ng umiiyak na biglang tatawa at kung pwede lang, lolobo pa ang ilong nito! Pambihira patis, happy ending na nga eh! ‘Wag nang pahapdiin pa!

Of course, there are TV hosts who are guilty of fake compassion — of misfortune masturbation. They are the ones who would say things like, “Sige ho misis, narito lang po ako at ang programang ito para sa mga mahihirap.” Ngek!

Este pare, mabuti pa kaya, alisin mo na lang ‘yang mga sexy dancers na naka- shorts at palitan mo ng nurses at social workers. Ngekngek!

(The Next Day)

Ordinarily, Tito arrives ahead of me in Eat, Bulaga!. But today, I came in earlier than my Escalera brother. And as soon as Tito walked in, he immediately sat beside me and with almost a whisper but with a very clear voice, he said, “Kahapon tinatanong mo kung may co-host tayong ang pangalan ay Lord. Nakalimutan mo na ba? Meron. Kaya nga tumagal tayo ng 32 years eh!”

I did not say anything — but it seemed I moved back my head and body a little, as if trying to balance my vision; fine tuning everything that was happening that very moment. And simultaneously, I was yelling in my mind, “You’re the man!” Then suddenly, it was morphing into, “You’re an angel!” Wow!

Tito, whoever you may be in that fast and glorious moment, thank you so much for that birthday gift and message. I love you pare. That was heavenly beautiful.

Mabilis. Masaya. Hindi ko na alam. Basta ako lang ang nakaramdam... kung ano man. And no, there were no goose bumps. Maybe, you won’t have them... if you are embraced by feathers.

I so much believe.

Thank you again Saint Joseph. And thank you, too, My Sweet Lord — Our Sweet “Eat” Lord.

Okay Francis M., wrap it up!

“Di ba’t tinanong mo sa telebisyon kahapon

Kung may co-host tayo na tipong “Lord” ang pangalan,

Ano ka ba Joey, iyo na bang nalimutan

Kaya nga tayo nagtagal nang 30 years, MERON!”

MERON, MERON, MERON!

*    *    *

“Happy Halloween” ‘di na kayo babatiin

Dahil hindi naman maitagalog natin,

‘Wag na’t baka palpak pa pag halu-haluin,

Ano ba ‘yan? Maligayang gabi ng lagim?

Bagkus ay atin na lamang alalahanin

Mga namayapang kaibigan natin,

Kaya nga si Kiko pinag-rap pa man din

At araw na ito ay pam-boo-boo-laga rin!

HAPPY BOO-LAGA!