Colloquy and other ‘impeachment gobbledygook’ - DIRECT LINE by Boy Abunda

By the time the impeachment trial is over, all I would need is to take and pass the bar exams and I would be a fledgling trial lawyer – conversant with the fascinating legal verbiage and in-sync with the cinematic nuances of a courtroom drama. But since the trial is still on-going, I’m still groping, learning the words that will forcibly transform me into a legal novice.

Let’s go to the plethora of words and what I thought they meant and what they mean to me now after reverently watching the impeachment trial almost everyday. I swear I didn’t smirk or made faces – the worst I did was break my old TV set but I am not telling as to who was on screen when I threw the remote at it as ferociously as an Olympic discus thrower would. I did it in my house, seething in anger, pale in desperation. Therefore I cannot be cited for contempt. I tell you, this has become an exhilarating, often frustrating experience – but also educational and exciting.

1. Impeachment – initially, I thought to impeach was to remove someone from office. I wish I was right. We would have less problems by now. But to impeach, I later learned, is simply to charge. It comes from the Latin word, impedere.

2. Recess – not too different from the recess of my elementary years at the Borongan Pilot Elementary School in Samar. Time to eat ice candy and banana/kamote cue.

3. Markings – graffiti; subersive writings on the walls of exclusive villages along EDSA. I learned that marking mean dragging the proceedings to snail pace.

4. Objection, Your Honor – "Ano ba, sasagot na lang, naharang pa!"

5. Objection sustained – "Bobo! Rephrase it." Can somebody tell some of the impeachment lawyers how to ask the questions properly?

6. Objection overruled – "Beeeh, buti nga!"

7. Manifestation – is surely nothing close to a holy apparition. If you’ve come across a manifesto, you’re close enough.

8. Exhibit – No, no, no! This has nothing to do with Trade exhibits or the Tiangge in Greenhills.

9. Direct Examination – happens when prosecution questions its own witness. The best direct examination so far was done by Senator-Judge Loren Legarda on Clarissa Ocampo. Ay, mali! Some of the Prosecutors should take long, extended vacation in some far, far away places. They should leave everything to deadly Joker.

10. Cross-examination – is exactly the cross examination we have seen in many movies. Except no one yet has screamed, "Oo, ako ang pumatay. Pero nagawa ko yon dahil niloko ako ng taong iyan!" Then she cries and points to the Mayor of the town – camera puns the whole courtroom and stops at the Mayor who is shocked and caught by surprise. Music crescendos, the Mayor’s eyes dilate to the size of the moon and scene fades out. Mayor is guilty.

Some of the most lucid, tricky, effective cross exams have been done by Senator-Judges. Ay, mali uli.

Aren’t Senator-Judges just supposed to ask clarificatory questions? Ay, Ewan. Basta, according to Senator Roco and Senator Pimentel, after they’ve taken their oath as Judges in the impeachment trial, they are mandated to render impartial judgment on the President of the Republic.

Ohhhh! Sige na nga.

11. Silence in the Courtroom – no, this is not a description of Senator Revilla. For the record, I adored him in Nardong Putik.

12. Hostile Witness – Anton "Prito," according to Prosecutor Serging Apostol. Yes, he is the same Anton Prieto, who owns myriad signatures.

13. Adverse Witness – Try to catch a replay of the trial when Senator Judge Defensor-Santiago defined this from a legal book she read. Truth is, I forgot exactly what this means; my suspicion maybe wrong.

14. Presiding Officer – He has been addressed not just once or twice as President. Many hope that he becomes President of the country. I second the motion your honor.

15. Witness – You’re wrong if you think that you have to be bank officer to be a witness.

16. Obstruction of Evidence – Defense Counsel Estelito Mendoza explained that he had no knowledge of ante-dated documents signed in his office by George Go and Dichavez. Peksman!

17. Deposition – Please ask your friend lawyer what this means. I’m already tired. Pass, I don’t know.

18. Predicate – When there is a subject, there is a predicate. Isn’t this basic in English classes?

19. Relevancy – I thought this was grammatically wrong. Sorry. I think prosecution in the simplest of terms has to connect the testimony of Ocampo to the Articles of Impeachment. ‘Yun lang!

Materiality, evidentiary – these words imply the need to connect the incriminating testimony of Clarissa Ocampo to this whole exercise of impeachment.

20. Burden of Proof/Evidence – Basta, each one in the tribunal has the burden to tell the Filipino people the truth and nothing but the truth – so help us God.

21. Conviction – n. miracle.

22. Acquittal – Are you joking?

23. Motion for Reconsideration – I’m sure this is not a dance step.

24. Subpoena Duces Tecum – Bring documents to court.

25. Subpoena Ad Testificandum – Go to court to testify.

Nos. 24 and 25 sounded like a Catholic Latin prayer. The first time I heard them, I blurted out in response, God be with you too.

I submit, your honors!