It pays to be friendly
August 19, 2005 | 12:00am
Dear China, Mai-Mai And Tingting,
I am a computer encoder. I do my work quietly and avoid joining office chatter. Although I sit with my officemates during lunch time, people still consider me a loner because they say I don’t talk much and just eat quietly with them. I also don’t hang around after eating but instead go to my desk to work. I am sure my work is reliable because my superiors tell me so. But I am wondering why they chose to promote another officemate. We have the same skills and I am even senior by a month. The only difference is he’s more friendly and has PR. Could this be the reason? Could there be inter-office politics?
Lowly Worker
Yes, his being friendlier can be one factor. It is not healthy for you to assume of inter-office politics. It will affect your work and your relationship with your peers. If you are convinced that you should have been promoted instead of the other one, I suggest you talk to the boss and find out why they chose as they did. Just be careful not to be offensive. Tell them you want to know why you were not promoted so that you can adjust and be considered for a promotion the next time.
China
When you say inter-office politics do you mean favoritism? If it is, then maybe you should observe further. Only you can answer that. However, while it’s not far-fetched that the other one was promoted because of his PR, I caution you not to assume that it is because of favoritism. Being sociable means he knows how to connect with people. It works to his advantage because he is able to express what he can do for the company and drop hints on what he wants. If you don’t talk to people, they might think that you’re happy where you are and don’t desire a promotion. I suggest you open up a little bit. A silent worker is an asset to a company but is sometimes overlooked.
Mai-Mai
Believe it or not, your officemate’s ability to communicate is considered a skill. It is sometimes easier to work with someone who can express himself. Aside from being able to determine how he thinks, the company could expect them to make viable inputs. If you are a loner, even if you are reliable, you are still considered passive. This is not a good trait of an employee who wants to go places. Companies like aggressive people…the go-getters. Try interacting with others. You will learn from them and they hopefully will learn from you too.
Tingting
Dear China, Mai-Mai And Tingting,
I’m 18 years old and I have a 33-year-old boyfriend who just graduated from medical school but has not taken the board. We have no serious problems in our seven-month relationship and I do love him. The thing that worries me is that at his age, he still has no job and doesn’t say anything about marriage. I have plans of my own. I’m in my second year of nursing school and I plan to leave the country after I finish my nursing course. If he’s not ready for marriage then, I don’t know if I can leave him. What should I do? Should I wait for him or go on with my life?
Manila Girl
I don’t think you should pressure him about marriage nor do I think you should pressure yourself about the future. Give him space to study for his board exam while you too should concentrate on your studies. I know you’re worried that you might be loving your boyfriend too much when he doesn’t seem to have future plans with you anyway. It’s a risk you have to take. You can talk to him about this, but again, that would be putting too much pressure on your relationship.
China
Go on with your life. It’s good that you have plans of your own. Don’t be dependent on his plans because it might not be compatible with yours. Besides, it’s too early to discuss marriage. Even if he says he wants to marry you now, it’s not wise for you to do so because you’re still in school and he has no job. Take your time and enjoy your single-blessedness.
Mai-Mai
You’re only on your second year and a lot can happen before you even finish your course. It is possible that he’s just waiting to pass the medical board and be established before he asks you to marry him. It is also possible that you’ll fall out of love in the next couple of years. Don’t be in a hurry. Study hard and relish your moments together. If you finish your course and are still together by that time, then maybe you should decide then. Don’t worry about tomorrow because today’s problems are enough.
Tingting
Send questions to sistersact_ys@yahoo.com.
I am a computer encoder. I do my work quietly and avoid joining office chatter. Although I sit with my officemates during lunch time, people still consider me a loner because they say I don’t talk much and just eat quietly with them. I also don’t hang around after eating but instead go to my desk to work. I am sure my work is reliable because my superiors tell me so. But I am wondering why they chose to promote another officemate. We have the same skills and I am even senior by a month. The only difference is he’s more friendly and has PR. Could this be the reason? Could there be inter-office politics?
Lowly Worker
Yes, his being friendlier can be one factor. It is not healthy for you to assume of inter-office politics. It will affect your work and your relationship with your peers. If you are convinced that you should have been promoted instead of the other one, I suggest you talk to the boss and find out why they chose as they did. Just be careful not to be offensive. Tell them you want to know why you were not promoted so that you can adjust and be considered for a promotion the next time.
China
When you say inter-office politics do you mean favoritism? If it is, then maybe you should observe further. Only you can answer that. However, while it’s not far-fetched that the other one was promoted because of his PR, I caution you not to assume that it is because of favoritism. Being sociable means he knows how to connect with people. It works to his advantage because he is able to express what he can do for the company and drop hints on what he wants. If you don’t talk to people, they might think that you’re happy where you are and don’t desire a promotion. I suggest you open up a little bit. A silent worker is an asset to a company but is sometimes overlooked.
Mai-Mai
Believe it or not, your officemate’s ability to communicate is considered a skill. It is sometimes easier to work with someone who can express himself. Aside from being able to determine how he thinks, the company could expect them to make viable inputs. If you are a loner, even if you are reliable, you are still considered passive. This is not a good trait of an employee who wants to go places. Companies like aggressive people…the go-getters. Try interacting with others. You will learn from them and they hopefully will learn from you too.
Tingting
I’m 18 years old and I have a 33-year-old boyfriend who just graduated from medical school but has not taken the board. We have no serious problems in our seven-month relationship and I do love him. The thing that worries me is that at his age, he still has no job and doesn’t say anything about marriage. I have plans of my own. I’m in my second year of nursing school and I plan to leave the country after I finish my nursing course. If he’s not ready for marriage then, I don’t know if I can leave him. What should I do? Should I wait for him or go on with my life?
Manila Girl
I don’t think you should pressure him about marriage nor do I think you should pressure yourself about the future. Give him space to study for his board exam while you too should concentrate on your studies. I know you’re worried that you might be loving your boyfriend too much when he doesn’t seem to have future plans with you anyway. It’s a risk you have to take. You can talk to him about this, but again, that would be putting too much pressure on your relationship.
China
Go on with your life. It’s good that you have plans of your own. Don’t be dependent on his plans because it might not be compatible with yours. Besides, it’s too early to discuss marriage. Even if he says he wants to marry you now, it’s not wise for you to do so because you’re still in school and he has no job. Take your time and enjoy your single-blessedness.
Mai-Mai
You’re only on your second year and a lot can happen before you even finish your course. It is possible that he’s just waiting to pass the medical board and be established before he asks you to marry him. It is also possible that you’ll fall out of love in the next couple of years. Don’t be in a hurry. Study hard and relish your moments together. If you finish your course and are still together by that time, then maybe you should decide then. Don’t worry about tomorrow because today’s problems are enough.
Tingting
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