Cheap and chic

These days, straps seem to be the hottest trend in town. Look at the buckled Celine boots that disappear like prostitutes during an NBI raid. Thick or thin, belts appear to dominate the accessories scene. And darling, in the bedroom (according to an Internet sex survey) being strapped is still an all-time classic fave among bed bunnies (a whopping 75 percent)! However, being financially strapped is never greeted with open arms. Like the flu, there’s nothing much you can do but live with it till things get better.

In the flamboyant Eighties, Moschino came up with the catchy tag line "Cheap and Chic." Of course, they were referring to trashy glam then. So now in the financially depraved zeroes "Cheap and Chic" can be taken in an entirely different context. So don’t worry if your bank account is a little anemic these days, you can still be your fab self while dashing less cash.

Now only high-class harlots can afford to be labeled vixens. As for the rest of us who don’t feel comfortable about shagging in some pad for some wad, "relegate" is the word to live by. So if you’re depressed by going from imported to pirated, there are still many ways to be glam in this time of fiscal despondency.

Tiangge is one of my favorite words. It has a campy chic ring to it, I think! Even if I’m bedridden with cholera, I’ll still jump off my mattress to make a pilgrimage to my holy land. These fashion meccas are really a girl’s best friend. It’s what my friend Joel would call "Disposable Chic." You can score that Comme des Garcons look for the price of cans and cartons if you are diligent enough. Of course, you’re gonna have to forget about customer service, much more having a personal shopper at these joints.

The saleslady’s sole duty (at least in my point of view) is to make sure that you don’t steal anything. The dressing rooms are built for midgets and you do run the risk of exposing your naked self to the public since most of them are just covered by a thin, gauzy fabric functioning in vain as a curtain. Nevertheless, all brave acts are rewarded and you can come home a happy woman with a full wardrobe for the price of a Prada coin purse. Talk about bang for your buck! Ridiculously though, all drugstore stuff available at these plazas of Cheap Chic are priced preposterously high. Victoria Secret body lotion for P600! That’s three tube tops! Give me a break!

Yeah, so maybe the Elizabeth Arden’s Red Door or the Oriental’s boat massage is out of the question when it comes to pampering time. There are many home-spun remedies that are sure to bliss you out just as if you were at Bliss. An oatmeal and honey mask keeps your skin hydrated and dee-lish! Slap on some mayo (or even an egg) on your fried locks and you can be sure that your hair is getting the breakfast of champions. Here’s an incentive to be extra nice to a classmate or co-worker! Be super solicitous and when its payback time ask for a back massage. Ingenuity and a bit of research is needed to keep up with appearances when you hit rock bottom. However, there are limits to cheapness. For example, don’t melt a candle and use it to

give yourself a bikini wax. You’ll end up spending a quarter of the national budget healing your scalded loins. Also a multi-purpose detergent does not extend to haircare! Through empirical knowledge, you’ll know when your thriftiness has transgressed into the realm of the pathetic.

Vacationing shouldn’t burn a hole the size of Russia in your pocket. Live vicariously through the adventures documented in the Discovery Channel. Airfares are dirt-cheap now. However, you do run the risk of being adobo-ed, after all, you’re no longer flying the friendly skies. If all else fails there is always Internet porn to keep you amused.

Manila nights are still in full swing! Not surprisingly though, since everyone wants to numb themselves from this epoch of financial ruin. So even if a cosmo is actually the priced at the same amount of the daily cost of living, Pinoys are still never say die! Here’s a funny story: My friend Wendy was at Wasabi one night and she noticed these two girls living it up at the expense of some randy foreigner. Anyway, they giggled gaily as they chugged one shot of tequila after another. So the night progressed full tilt and it was decided among the group to have a nightcap at the Manila Pen lobby. Suddenly, Wendy noticed a tandem of giggly girls walking and she recognized them as the tequila mavens at Wasabi. Without really meaning it she overheard their conversation. One girl was saying "Lasing na lasing ako pero ayoko isuka ito." (I’m so drunk but I don’t want to puke.) Then the other girl added "Oo, mahal yan! Lunukin mo na lang" (Yes, that’s expensive, just swallow it! Well, that actually got me laughing my ass off!

So you see you can still be as poor as rat but it’s golden to maintain your sense of humor in times of adversity. Fashion is not about flash. Class doesn’t come with a price tag, really. It comes from inner grace and ingenuity. So even if clothes can be defined as disposable chic, being chic is never disposable.