Best of the Week: Manila's beaches, Migz's crises and Miriam's speeches

Entrepreneur of the Week: Paris Hilton

MANILA, Philippines -  Paris Hilton is visiting Manila next week in the attempt to penetrate the local party-going industry as she opens the Paris Hilton Beach Club, a high-end venue for parties that promises to up the ante of clubbing in the Philippines. She will also be visiting the Pacquiao family in General Santos City where Mommy Dionisia is expected to host a grandiose welcome party for Paris. “Magapaluto ako ng bunggang beef pares!” Mommy D was overheard exclaiming.

Api of the Week: Christopher Lao vs. The World

Have mercy on Christopher Lao! The poor kid (and UP Law student) gained notoriety earlier this week for “braving” the Quezon City floods and living to tell, or, more appropriately, whine about it. Since then he’s received a severe cyberspace lashing for his “I should have been informed” rampage, even getting his very own Facebook hate page and becoming a Twitter trending topic. The issue has blown up to a point that some people, his college professors included, are now asking everyone to please put a stop to all the bullying. And in Christopher Lao’s defense, we were all thinking it, but he said it. On the other hand, we all hate a whiner. — Amanda Lago

Overdue Event of the Week: ‘Ate’ Guy’s homecoming

Nora Aunor, whose brother she still maintains is not a pig, miraculously appeared on Philippine shores this week after spending years in the United States. It was earlier reported that Ate Guy was arrested for drug possession in Las Vegas and that she frequented the casino strip in the city to satisfy her addiction to drinking and gambling. Now back in the scene, she is set to do a movie and a soap opera, under emerging network TV5. The Superstar was warmly welcomed by fans during her arrival and was immediately taken to the PAGCOR branch near NAIA for, um, welcome drinks.

Not-a-Cheater of the Week: Ex-Senator Migz Zubiri

Everybody’s pretty convinced by now that the 2004 and the 2007 elections were not as clean as Lumen’s labada, with everybody just waiting for someone to come forward and admit the sin. This week, Senator Migz Zubiri takes the spotlight to cast the first stone…. towards coming clean over the cheating allegations thrown his way. “I believe that my honor is something that should never be subject to taint,” he said in his privilege speech. Zubiri was elected to a six-year term in 2007, but recent controversies about the widespread cheating the Arroyo administration allegedly orchestrated for him in Maguindanao forced him to cut his term short.

“My Gulay! I’m Jutay” Admission Award: Enrique Iglesias

Let’s talk penises for a second, but keep your prurient desires at bay, please. The world’s longest penis is more than 13 inches long and belongs to Jonah Cardeli Falcon, while the world’s shortest belongs to Enrique Iglesias, according to... him. In a recent gig that he did in Australia this week, Iglesias not only admitted to his audience that he has the world’s smallest penis, but that he also doesn’t last longer than eight minutes during sex. We still can’t decode Enrique’s motives for revealing his embarrassing sex life in public, but we’re sure this doesn’t do him any good. In any case, Enrique can’t be our hero, baby.

Anticipated Debate of the Week: The RH debates at the Senate

Sen. Miriam Santiago already started the anticipated debates in the Senate regarding the controversial Reproductive Health Bill. In a speech to the nation, she urged every Catholic to act on their “inviolable conscience,” rather than blindly obey the orders of the Church and chided the Catholic Church for opposing the bill, which aims to promote the use of contraceptives for sexual intercourse in order to avoid STDs and unwanted pregnancies. The interpellations are expected to last for weeks, especially because the bill is a pressing national concern. It is still unconfirmed if there will be a second round to the equally-anticipated Mommy Dionisia vs. Miriam Santiago bout.