In love with a penniless, lazy boyfriend

Dear Nanay,

My boyfriend lives in Batangas and I am here in Manila. We will celebrate our second-year anniversary on August 20. My concern is we don’t see each other as often as possible. He does not have a job; he depends on his sisters. His excuse is that he wants to come and visit me but he does not have money. I have tried all possible means to encourage him to work, to do something so he can have money to visit me. I even told him that maybe he does not love me that much because as the saying goes “Kung gusto may paraan, kung ayaw may dahilan” (If you really want something, there’s a way; if you don’t there’s an excuse”). Right now Nanay, I am confused. Does this guy really love me or just wants somebody he can talk to? He is separated, left by his wife, because his wife felt he was not doing anything worthwhile. He is lazy. Nanay, please enlighten me. — Elleb

Dear Elleb,

First of all, I think we will just need to assume that your boyfriend loves you. He has not really done anything to show otherwise. I think the fact that he doesn’t visit you more often has more to do with him not having any money rather than him not really wanting to see you. Paano ka nga naman niya mabibisita kung wala siyang pamasahe? (How is he going to come see you if he has no money?)

The more difficult part of your dilemma is the fact that I think you need to really ask yourself if this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. You already know what kind of person he is. So ask yourself, “Ito ba ang gusto mo makasama habang buhay?” (Is this the person you want to spend the rest of your life with?) If your answer is still “yes” then maybe you need to start finding a way to earn for both of you. Maybe you need to start sending him money so that he can visit you more often. But if your answer is “no” then I think you should consider that it may be time to end your relationship and for you to look for someone else.

Sincerely,

Nanay

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The Importance Of Preschool

Dear Nanay,

I read your July 24 column about pre-schools and wanted to make a contribution as I am a pre-school teacher and always see how parents and children behave.

Indeed, there are many parents today who seem to be obsessed with pre-schools and think that sending their young children to the most expensive pre-schools will guarantee them entrance into the country’s best grade schools, which will in turn guarantee their entrance into high school and college, and therefore success in life. Does this mean the entire success of our children depends on what pre-school they went to? Such pressure for children who are only three or four years old!

You are so correct when you say that emotional quotient is just as important as intelligence quotient. There are many studies that have been conducted that prove that children learn best when they are playing instead of studying. Think about it if you were a three-year-old. Do you really want to be doing math homework? Or would you rather play with cars and trucks and learn how to count with those toys? And in playing with other children, our kids can learn social skills and how to get along with others. What use is it that you are so smart and know all the answers if you cannot get along with anyone? Social skills are just as important as academic skills.

But I also do not want to diminish the importance of a good pre-school. A good school is a place where our children can develop both IQ and EQ as they can interact with other children their age side by side with learning lessons from their teachers.

I also wholeheartedly agree with you that what we teach our children at home is at least as important and probably more important than what they teach at school. As I have often heard and read, the mother is the child’s first and most important teacher. So mothers who read this, remember that you are the single most influential person in your child’s life. If it does not turn out the way you have always dreamed then you probably have nobody to blame but yourself. Invest in your child’s education not just in school but also in what you do with them at home.   — Teacher Mary

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