Drinking red wine is good for the heart, but...

I think my husband is alcoholic. He insists on drinking red wine every night for dinner, giving as an excuse his doctor’s advice that it is good for the heart. But between the two of us, we always finish a bottle of wine – actually, I only take a few sips and he finishes the rest of the bottle. I really don’t think finishing a bottle of wine seven nights a week is good for the health. He claims he exercises every day and therefore, he sweats it out. Is it true you can sweat out alcohol? Your advice could help save my husband from alcoholism.

Worried Wife

Drinking red wine is good for the heart but only if taken moderately, meaning two glasses of wine a day at most. Drinking one whole bottle of wine is far from moderation, and it is a wrong notion that he could sweat it out during exercise. Before he could sweat it out, it will have to undergo the digestive process, which is rather complicated, involving detoxification of toxic substances, including alcohol, in the liver. Cirrhosis of the liver results if the liver cannot handle the excessive alcohol. But taken moderately, red wine has health benefits. The latest finding is that red wine has high levels of saponin, which is found in the waxy skin of the grapes. White wine has it, too, but in low levels. Saponin promotes a healthy heart by binding to the cholesterol and preventing cholesterol absorption in the blood. Hence, this minimizes blockages in the arteries. Researchers hail the presence of reversatrol in red wine, a very powerful anti-oxidant that prevents heart diseases. With new findings on saponin, red wine is considered a significant dietary source but has to be taken in moderation. For your husband’s information, in a recent wine tasting, Red Zinfandel was found to have the highest saponin levels. Syrah came in second and tying for third place were Pinot Noir and Cabernet.

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Waiting For Love

I’m a 25-year-old virgin. The love of my life was unfaithful to me and I couldn’t get over that for many years. I forced myself to date but never fell in love again. I’ve had opportunities for sex, but it never felt right. I’ve waited so long and now I feel it’s never going to happen. Help!

Madonna

Calm yourself. There is no age after which you’re disqualified from ever having sex. In fact, by your mid-20s you’re probably smarter and more womanly than you’ve ever been, so when you do have sex, you’ll probably enjoy the experience more.

Of course, your first time won’t be great if you’re over-anxious and hop into bed with the first guy who happens to walk into your sight line. True story: A college friend of mine got so depressed she was going to graduate without losing her virginity that she chose to do it with a guy she wasn’t in love with but who was older and more experienced. Unfortunately, years later, when she hoped he would have remembered how important this event was to her, he pretended not to have any recollection that it even happened. All in all, it was a disappointing encounter.

The moral of the story: You can’t arbitrarily hurry this process. Keep your eyes open for a guy you really care about – one who turns you on, makes you laugh, and whom you’ve dated and gotten to know well. Affection and attraction help to make most women’s first experience more enjoyable. Sure, there are some who find it liberating to have their first time with an inconsequential partner who is simply a heartthrob. But more often than not, being with an unfamiliar and emotionally detached partner makes one feel more anxious about the experience – and somewhat sad, in retrospect, that the first time didn’t happen with someone special. As long as you’ve waited this long, you might as well wait a little longer to make sure your experience is as good as it can be.

Meanwhile, loosen up a little! Date a lot, go out dancing, wear attractive dresses.

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A Battered Wife’s Plea

I’ve been married for six years now with two kids. I am a battered wife. The first two years of my married life went smoothly until I got pregnant. I was conceiving my first child and was not feeling well when I answered him in a masungit manner. Before I realized my mistake, he was already beating me up. Then he pointed his gun at me. He did not even consider the fact that I was pregnant and that a pregnant woman is not often herself. After that, my love for him was never the same. I wanted to leave him but gave it a second chance against my better judgment. I thought that he would change after our second child but he is still the same, if not worse. He is jealous when I am with my girl friends. He hates to see me happy. When I go out of the house, he wants me to bring along my kids, which is very difficult to do especially when I go to crowded places. I’m afraid he’ll kill me if I ask him to let me go. He might think there’s a third party involved because modesty aside, I am quite attractive – but really, there’s no third party, I am just fed up of being with a cruel man. How can I leave this man whom I don’t love any more?

Battered Wife

My first instinct is to tell you to pack up and go. But with two children, your situation calls for careful deliberation. The first thing you must ask yourself is the financial aspect. Can you support yourself and your kids? I am, of course, presupposing that you will bring your children with you. The second consideration is your safety. Knowing that he could kill you if you left him, do you have a safe place to go to escape his wrath? Do you have relatives and friends who are at your side and will help you in this time of need? If you have an iota of love for him, I would tell you to bring him for counseling and try to save the marriage for the sake of the children. But because you have lost your love for him, the only solution to save your sanity is to leave this brute of a husband. You have to get out of his reach before you lose your self-esteem, your dignity and your life. You could ask for help from the Department of Social Welfare and Development. There’s a place for battered women called Haven for Women in front of the Ayala Alabang Town Center. I heard that this is a pet project of Gina de Venecia and has been running for 10 years or so. Call 807-1586 or 807-1588 to 92, it’s open 24 hours. Or call Women’s Crisis Center hotlines 926-7744, 922-5235, from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m., 7th floor, East Ave., Medical Center, Quezon City. You must also prepare yourself to live alone and support your children by developing some skills, like studying computer or secretarial work so you can find a job after you’ve left your husband.

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For your questions, write to Mayenne Carmona, Stargate 6th floor, Jaka Bldg., Ayala Ave., Makati City.