Safety tips for gay men and bisexuals
May 24, 2004 | 12:00am
A month ago, Philippine TV zeroed in on the so called gay serial killer who has murdered at least six gay men in Metro Manila in the last six months. That is one murder per month, but since our police forces still don’t index hate crimes under their list, the killings were listed as just your usual killings with the usual suspects. My take is that there is not one gay serial killer but perhaps several of them – dangerous, homophobic thieves who prey on some gay men who pay for sex, then kill them. Why kill the gay men? Perhaps because of some hatred among these thieves, a hatred deeper than bone, caused by many things. Either the killers are bigots, socio-paths, drug addicts – or closeted homosexuals themselves, who have recognized their different orientation and refuse to accept it. And in their minds, the best way to repudiate it, of course, is to kill those who manifest it.
It’s in this light – along with growing reports of assault and robbery that target gay men – that our group, the Lesbian and Gay Legislative Advocacy Network (Lagablab), has issued safety tips for the community. Lagablab is a broad, non-profit network of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) organizations and individuals working to achieve a society free from all forms of discrimination, especially those based on gender and sexual orientation. I am reprinting the advisory, with minor editing for brevity.
Weekend cruise or gimmick nights. If you’re going out on a gimmick, it’s best to go out with friends and make sure you look out for each other. Of course in a bar you will drink, but don’t get drunk. Always protect your valuables. Don’t bring lots of cash, or leave your wallet or cell phone in sight.
Some reports Lagablab received show that the victims’ drinks were spiked with drugs. Thus disoriented, the victims lost control and were either robbed or assaulted. How to avoid spiked drinks? If someone you meet offers to buy you a drink, go to the bar with him. Don’t leave your drink unattended. If you’re drinking bottled water, leave the cap on. Don’t sip from other people’s drinks. If you suddenly feel tired or dizzy, tell your friends about it, or inform the bar’s security.
In case you meet someone new at the bar or club, ask questions – name, who he’s with, where does he stay or work, among others. Introduce him to your friends, make sure your friends get a good look at him, so when the need arises, he can be easily identified. When a potential bad boy knows his mug can be identified later, he will have second thoughts about striking.
If you’re going somewhere else, make sure your friends know. If you’re going to his place, get his address and give it to your friends. Don’t bring a stranger into your house, especially if you live alone. But if you decide to do so, tell a friend that you’re bringing a guest home. It doesn’t hurt to bluff: Let your guest know (or think) that someone else is staying with you – a flat mate or a housemaid.
If one of your friends is bombed out and wants to leave the bar, tell him to stay first. Ply him with fruit juice or bottled water until he has sobered up. But if he still insists on leaving, put him in a cab and list the cab’s name and plate number. Or if he’s feeling unwell, drive him home or ask a friend to do so.
Cyber-cruise: Chatting and eyeballs. If you’re meeting someone you met in a chat room, meet him in a public place, like a café or a restaurant. Text or call a friend and tell him where you’re going. If you go with him, get his address and tell your friend. Don’t bring him home if you live alone. But if you still do so, please check the precautions listed above. As an addendum, based on my very limited experience with eyeballing (one, who turned up to be a cute school mate), meet him for afternoon snacks. In that way, if you don’t get along swimmingly, you can just say goodbye after a few minutes of chitchat. That’s better than lunch or dinner that went to waste because he was a no-brainer who looks like a crushed ginger.
All-night cruise: Gay cruising areas. Recently, the police have also raided several public places frequented by gay men. The police swoop down in the guise of arresting call boys, who are allegedly behind the assault and murders. As a result, several gay men have also been arrested. Bear in mind the following:
Cruising is dangerous to one’s health. But if you decide to do so, remember that hanging out in a place, even if it’s a cruising area, is not illegal. In short, cruise at your own risk. However, when the police come (sometimes with the tabloid media in tow) and catch you having sex, you can be arrested for public scandal. Or they may book you for one or another form of unlawful behavior, i.e., breaking public property, such as street lamps, the doors of rest rooms, or some such. The police might also file charges against you, i.e., for vagrancy, loitering, littering, breaking the curfew (if you’re a minor and you live in a city with this ordinance). Therefore, always bring a valid ID, especially when they charge you with vagrancy or breaking the curfew.
Cruise control: Street safety. It’s possible that you’ll be harassed on the street, especially at night. To reduce risks, trust your instincts: If something doesn’t feel right, go away. Always stay alert and act confident. Walk with a group, and walk in well-lit areas. Bring a whistle or a personal alarm, which may be useful in case of an attack. My friend – a straight one, by the way, who does aikido – brings a pepper mace with him, just in case.
Avoid walking through groups of rowdy young men. If you meet them, casually cross the road and avoid eye contact. Many a life has been lost in these benighted islands because of eye contact – or singing the wrong Sinatra song. Keep your car key or house key ready, so it will be easier to go to a safe space when necessary. Know your city like the back of your hand, especially its trouble spots – and avoid them.
Verbal abuse. Verbal abuse and name-calling often prelude an attack. No matter how provocative these terms are, or how witty you are, your safety should be your main concern. Keep calm when being provoked. Most often, hecklers are encouraged when they see that you’re getting affected. If you’re alone and there are many hecklers, just ignore them. If you want them to have a taste of your wit, make sure you’re in a position to escape when assaulted. But if the heckler is drunk, there is no sense in getting angry or arguing back. If the provocation comes with threats of an assault, walk away as quickly as possible. That hurt ego will heal more quickly than a battered body. Report verbal abuse, especially when it comes with physical threats, to authorities, such as the barangay council or the police.
Physical assault. An assault can sometimes happen even when it’s not provoked, or despite attempts to thwart it. If you’re being attacked, get away and seek help. Stay calm and concentrate, but try to make as much noise to attract other people’s attention. Check if the attacker has a back-up group. If he has, find a way to escape as soon as possible. If you intend to attack back, hit in areas that can cause dizziness or pain, such as between the eyes, the throat and the crotch – then run. Remember as many details as possible – the face of the attacker, his physical features. Get immediate medical attention and have a medico-legal examination. Report the incident to the authorities – the barangay council or the police.
Violence against lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgender people affects everyone. Every attack against one of us is an attack on the LGBT community. The growing reports of assault and murder against gay men should be a cause of concern not only for the police forces but also for the community. Hopefully, the information gathered by Lagablab will encourage gay and bisexual men to be more conscious of their safety.
Unfortunately, Lagablab doesn’t have the resources or the capability to deal with all the cases of assault and murder. However, we are keen on monitoring the situation to assess any further action we can take. Documenting these cases are also important to press the authorities and the LGBT community itself to be more vigilant. If you are the victim of an assault or a witness to one, please don’t hesitate to contact us. Lagablab may be reached at 0921-5154896 or e-mail us at lagablab@yahoo.com. You have our assurance that all information and communication will be kept confidential.
Lagablab was formed in 1998. We have run seminars and workshops, and rallied during several state of the nation addresses. The most memorable for me was the one against Erap Estrada in the year 2000, when the police hurled rocks at us and stormed us while we ran away – farmers and fishermen, factory workers and housewives, lesbians and gay men – in the heavy rain. Well, I’m sure that whoever wins as president in this election will see us once again, raining on their grand, meaningless parade.
Comments can be sent to dremoto@ateneo.edu.
It’s in this light – along with growing reports of assault and robbery that target gay men – that our group, the Lesbian and Gay Legislative Advocacy Network (Lagablab), has issued safety tips for the community. Lagablab is a broad, non-profit network of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) organizations and individuals working to achieve a society free from all forms of discrimination, especially those based on gender and sexual orientation. I am reprinting the advisory, with minor editing for brevity.
Weekend cruise or gimmick nights. If you’re going out on a gimmick, it’s best to go out with friends and make sure you look out for each other. Of course in a bar you will drink, but don’t get drunk. Always protect your valuables. Don’t bring lots of cash, or leave your wallet or cell phone in sight.
Some reports Lagablab received show that the victims’ drinks were spiked with drugs. Thus disoriented, the victims lost control and were either robbed or assaulted. How to avoid spiked drinks? If someone you meet offers to buy you a drink, go to the bar with him. Don’t leave your drink unattended. If you’re drinking bottled water, leave the cap on. Don’t sip from other people’s drinks. If you suddenly feel tired or dizzy, tell your friends about it, or inform the bar’s security.
In case you meet someone new at the bar or club, ask questions – name, who he’s with, where does he stay or work, among others. Introduce him to your friends, make sure your friends get a good look at him, so when the need arises, he can be easily identified. When a potential bad boy knows his mug can be identified later, he will have second thoughts about striking.
If you’re going somewhere else, make sure your friends know. If you’re going to his place, get his address and give it to your friends. Don’t bring a stranger into your house, especially if you live alone. But if you decide to do so, tell a friend that you’re bringing a guest home. It doesn’t hurt to bluff: Let your guest know (or think) that someone else is staying with you – a flat mate or a housemaid.
If one of your friends is bombed out and wants to leave the bar, tell him to stay first. Ply him with fruit juice or bottled water until he has sobered up. But if he still insists on leaving, put him in a cab and list the cab’s name and plate number. Or if he’s feeling unwell, drive him home or ask a friend to do so.
Cyber-cruise: Chatting and eyeballs. If you’re meeting someone you met in a chat room, meet him in a public place, like a café or a restaurant. Text or call a friend and tell him where you’re going. If you go with him, get his address and tell your friend. Don’t bring him home if you live alone. But if you still do so, please check the precautions listed above. As an addendum, based on my very limited experience with eyeballing (one, who turned up to be a cute school mate), meet him for afternoon snacks. In that way, if you don’t get along swimmingly, you can just say goodbye after a few minutes of chitchat. That’s better than lunch or dinner that went to waste because he was a no-brainer who looks like a crushed ginger.
All-night cruise: Gay cruising areas. Recently, the police have also raided several public places frequented by gay men. The police swoop down in the guise of arresting call boys, who are allegedly behind the assault and murders. As a result, several gay men have also been arrested. Bear in mind the following:
Cruising is dangerous to one’s health. But if you decide to do so, remember that hanging out in a place, even if it’s a cruising area, is not illegal. In short, cruise at your own risk. However, when the police come (sometimes with the tabloid media in tow) and catch you having sex, you can be arrested for public scandal. Or they may book you for one or another form of unlawful behavior, i.e., breaking public property, such as street lamps, the doors of rest rooms, or some such. The police might also file charges against you, i.e., for vagrancy, loitering, littering, breaking the curfew (if you’re a minor and you live in a city with this ordinance). Therefore, always bring a valid ID, especially when they charge you with vagrancy or breaking the curfew.
Cruise control: Street safety. It’s possible that you’ll be harassed on the street, especially at night. To reduce risks, trust your instincts: If something doesn’t feel right, go away. Always stay alert and act confident. Walk with a group, and walk in well-lit areas. Bring a whistle or a personal alarm, which may be useful in case of an attack. My friend – a straight one, by the way, who does aikido – brings a pepper mace with him, just in case.
Avoid walking through groups of rowdy young men. If you meet them, casually cross the road and avoid eye contact. Many a life has been lost in these benighted islands because of eye contact – or singing the wrong Sinatra song. Keep your car key or house key ready, so it will be easier to go to a safe space when necessary. Know your city like the back of your hand, especially its trouble spots – and avoid them.
Verbal abuse. Verbal abuse and name-calling often prelude an attack. No matter how provocative these terms are, or how witty you are, your safety should be your main concern. Keep calm when being provoked. Most often, hecklers are encouraged when they see that you’re getting affected. If you’re alone and there are many hecklers, just ignore them. If you want them to have a taste of your wit, make sure you’re in a position to escape when assaulted. But if the heckler is drunk, there is no sense in getting angry or arguing back. If the provocation comes with threats of an assault, walk away as quickly as possible. That hurt ego will heal more quickly than a battered body. Report verbal abuse, especially when it comes with physical threats, to authorities, such as the barangay council or the police.
Physical assault. An assault can sometimes happen even when it’s not provoked, or despite attempts to thwart it. If you’re being attacked, get away and seek help. Stay calm and concentrate, but try to make as much noise to attract other people’s attention. Check if the attacker has a back-up group. If he has, find a way to escape as soon as possible. If you intend to attack back, hit in areas that can cause dizziness or pain, such as between the eyes, the throat and the crotch – then run. Remember as many details as possible – the face of the attacker, his physical features. Get immediate medical attention and have a medico-legal examination. Report the incident to the authorities – the barangay council or the police.
Violence against lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgender people affects everyone. Every attack against one of us is an attack on the LGBT community. The growing reports of assault and murder against gay men should be a cause of concern not only for the police forces but also for the community. Hopefully, the information gathered by Lagablab will encourage gay and bisexual men to be more conscious of their safety.
Unfortunately, Lagablab doesn’t have the resources or the capability to deal with all the cases of assault and murder. However, we are keen on monitoring the situation to assess any further action we can take. Documenting these cases are also important to press the authorities and the LGBT community itself to be more vigilant. If you are the victim of an assault or a witness to one, please don’t hesitate to contact us. Lagablab may be reached at 0921-5154896 or e-mail us at lagablab@yahoo.com. You have our assurance that all information and communication will be kept confidential.
Lagablab was formed in 1998. We have run seminars and workshops, and rallied during several state of the nation addresses. The most memorable for me was the one against Erap Estrada in the year 2000, when the police hurled rocks at us and stormed us while we ran away – farmers and fishermen, factory workers and housewives, lesbians and gay men – in the heavy rain. Well, I’m sure that whoever wins as president in this election will see us once again, raining on their grand, meaningless parade.
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