The feedback you need

I have given thousands of speeches in my lifetime. And one of the worst feelings any speaker has is finishing up a message and having no idea how it went. Suppose you are a speaker or decision-maker in your organization and have been giving speeches at your town hall, company events, or conferences. In that case, you know that we all have our own subjective opinions, and we thought our message was awesome when it wasn’t. And no one would tell us, would they? And then there were times when we felt that our speech was awful, yet it was actually great. Add to this tension that the audience would certainly be talking about our speech; they may also be ignoring it, or we hope they may be enthralled by it, and the address would stir them to do what we want them to. The question now is this. Are we evaluating our message and accurately assessing how the speech went? The truth is that even if we do not, everyone else does.

Leaders are communicators, and even while many loathe speaking in public, their duty and responsibility require them to do so. So, what should we do? Here are some ideas you will find useful, as they are lessons and experiences accumulated over the years of speaking and training all over the place.

1. Stop being defensive

A great speech or an excellent presentation starts with you. It deals with how open you are to face the truth. There is a constant desire to have someone tell us: “Sir Francis, you had the entire function room in the palm of your hands, and you crushed it!” But then, that cannot be true all the time. When speakers ask the question: “So how did I do?” Or the more subtle, “How did it go?” Speakers who want to improve are not fishing for compliments; if they do, they will get half-truths and lies. Nobody wants to burst the bubble that would make you feel bad about yourself, especially if you happen to be occupying a high position in your company’s food chain.

You need to stop being defensive and seek honest and genuine feedback. Make sure to thank the honest messenger and do not shoot the person. If it hurts, grieve privately and make a firm determination to improve and do better the next time. The truth may sting and hurt a little bit, but the truth is your friend. There is a term for this called “cultivating a growth mindset.”

2. Do not go for the what, but go for the why

During cocktails or breaks, there will be casual conversations happening. You may get all kinds of feedback, especially from the people closest to you or your inner circle.

Many of them will tell you it was a good message if they liked it. They will be extremely polite and give you a subtle sign that they expected better, and the conversation stops from that point on. But the problem lies in this. They tell you the what, but you will have to dig and look for the why. You need to go one step further and ask the person the simple question:

“Why is that?”

“Why do you think it was good?”

“Why do you think it could be better?”

“Tell me more because I would like to improve.”

Trust me. This is the part where you will learn the most. You may hear things like:

“Your ideas are all over the place and do not have a logical flow.”

“You speak too fast and appear nervous.”

“Your voice was too soft or too loud. Too high or too low.”

“You were fidgeting all the time, and it distracts.”

“You were glued to your slides, and you barely face the audience,” etc.

This is helpful feedback. And should you be giving another speech or another presentation, all these can help you do a mid-course correction. Hold your peace and do not be upset when you are given feedback you do not like. You may scare people from being truthful and honest if you do.

One day, in the middle of an argument, a man said to his wife, “I need your feedback. I want you to tell me the truth. I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time!”

The wife responded calmly, “Allow me to explain... the good Lord made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me, and He allowed me to be so stupid, I would be attracted to you!”

Now that’s the kind of feedback you do not like.

(Francis Kong’s podcast “Inspiring Excellence” is now available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, or other podcast streaming platforms.)