Companion for the Filipino global migrant

THIS WEEK’S WINNER

Maria Concepcion Pidelo-Ona is a home-schooling, home-cooking, hand-sewing Chinese-Filipino mom based in Nagoya, Japan. She is a semi-retired development journalism teacher from UP Los Baños and is now doing freelance magazine and short story writing. She hopes to make a big successful leap from journalism to housekeeping and to creative writing. She is an occasional columnist for The Jeepney Press, a Filipino migrant publication in Japan. 

MANILA, Philippines - Ten years! “Actually, it’s 11.” As if adding one more year would make a huge difference. I often correct a friend or a newly-found relative on Facebook.

And, as usual, as expected, the next thing I hear soon is: “So you must be richy-rich by now, di ka na maabot! (So, you must filthy rich by now, we can’t reach you).”

I hope that’s true, otherwise I won’t be joining writing contests like this one where, at the very last minute, I got attracted by the prize money hoping it would help finance the short-term writing courses I am planning to take and, perhaps, buy some books I need as I slowly work my way shifting from a 10-year career of housekeeping to creative writing.

This is my 11th year of living in a foreign country, a country known for its ultra-cleanliness, ultra-safeness, a world leader in science and technology, where work and study means 7 a.m. to eternity, where our women are the main exports in addition to mangoes and bananas.

When I first came to Japan in 1999 with my husband, who was paid by the Japanese government to do his graduate studies in chemical engineering, I was happy to see a country that goes by the rules. I used to teach development journalism in UP Los Banos and left behind a flourishing career to be with him. 

I was the obsessive-compulsive type and I was so glad to find in my host country people who shared my hatred for germs, people who did a lot of planning and organization and people who loved to say infinite “thank you”s and “excuse me”s. I thought it was the perfect place to start our married life as a couple and have a family.

But, over the years, as I got older, got pregnant, raised a child without family support and I got more familiar with the ways and customs of Japan and slowly got tired of the routine of a show-of-face when I was not even in the mood for it on the job or whenever one was required to be in social circles, and the constant need to be perfect in big and small ways, surviving another year, another month, another day, even another minute suddenly became a huge challenge.

Ask any migrant — whether a domestic, student, an entertainer, or OFW — each one has his own way of coping with the stresses of living abroad. Food, music, get-togethers, going to church, movies, prayers, exercise…the list is endless. Name it, I’ve tried it. But, of all these, the one that has kept my sanity intact and my secret to staying calm, happy, peaceful and helping me keep my family together through the worst of times is found in a little book I bought five years ago.

The book is Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff and It’s All Small Stuff. Authored by Richard Carlson, PhD, it is a collection of a hundred suggestions to make life easier and happier. It was published in 1997 and made publishing history as USA Today’s best-selling book for two consecutive years. A quick search on Amazon.com further describes the book spending 101 weeks on the New York Times’ Best Seller Lists and it has been published in 135 countries and translated into Latvian, Polish, Icelandic, Serbian and 26 other languages.

As always, I am in search of the best and this is the best self-help book I have found available on the market today.

I bought the book in one of the English bookstores in downtown Nagoya and it has since occupied a special place in a box where I keep my favorite books on yoga, family relationships, serenity and ayurveda. Open my copy of Dr. Carlson’s book and there are pencil marks on the margins of several pages, some pages folded in half, several parts of the books showing blue and pink highlighter marks and even on the back of the pages where there are a few blank pages, I wrote some of the things I am thankful for in my life complete with dates. At times, I leave the book inside my bathroom and no matter how busy I am, I spend a few minutes reading through once again my favorite pages when I need to manage a very bad day and a friend or a family member is not around to give me advice.

It has been my tried and tested companion, my best friend when the going gets too tough, a friendlier Bible (one that doesn’t make you cringe and think about a priest giving a sermon on a Sunday), and so much better than a woman friend because when you read through the book, Dr. Carlson does not talk down to his reader.

He has this friendly voice that is inspiring and, at the same time, encouraging. He radiates a personality of one whom you can trust with your problems even if you personally do not know him. 

Dr. Carlson’s book has turned me into a better person, less neurotic, more appreciative of the little things in life, more of an active listener, and being less mindful, more understanding and more tolerant of people especially those who can really irritate me.

Of all the helpful suggestions Dr. Carlson shares in his book, my two favorites are these: “Life isn’t an emergency” and “One thing at a time.”

I think these two struck me most because in Japan what is usually the most common cause of stress is running after time and, being a mother with a lot of responsibilities, I tend to multitask which leaves me with so little time to enjoy the present moment.

As usual, I did not keep this new discovery to myself but shared it with the mothers of an international playgroup who were foreigners like me in Nagoya. I also wrote about it in my column in a Filipino migrant publication in Japan. When a friend, whether Filipino, Japanese or another nationality, is in trouble and I hate to give verbal advice, I just lend my personal copy to him and when my book comes back, there is a smile of relief on my friend’s face and a look that says, “I’ve found inner peace at last!”

I have proven this many times, so today with this essay, I am sharing my favorite book so that many more will benefit from it. When a friend thanks me for his newfound joy in life, I tell them, “No, it wasn’t me, thank Dr. Carlson.”

 Unfortunately, Dr. Carlson passed away a few years back at a very young age of 45. Dr. Carlson was a stress-management consultant and did his doctoral studies in psychology. This bestselling book was the 12th he wrote and he never knew it would have this huge impact across an audiences of different cultures. I think he was called back too early because he had already fulfilled his mission in life to help us “who are not yet awakened” to not get too upset by the little things in life.

Just a few minutes ago, I was chatting with a friend on Facebook — a student leaving for his master’s studies in China in a month’s time. She asked me what was my secret for being able to stay so long in a foreign country such as Japan. I told her, “Just a small book. It’s called Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff and It’s All Small Stuff.”

I slowly typed on the chat box: “Buy the book soon and please, please don’t leave home without it.”