How my wife and I survived our honeymoon

There were several life lessons I gained during our dream European honeymoon. And I still have the police reports to prove it.

The first is that genuine designer bags are never hidden inside trench coats and sold along Parisian side streets. The second is that it is inappropriate to ogle naked Rubenesque women in Rome, even if they are just marble statues. The third is that making cambio in Spain may not be the same as making cambio back home.

But the most important life lesson is that you should always, always travel with your Rimowa luggage. It will make your wife, your life and your lower back happy.

My wife had been dreaming of this honeymoon since she was eight years old. Which is quite coincidental because the amount of money we would spend on this honeymoon would be the equivalent to what I had been saving since I was eight years old. Given all of the long-term dreaming and financial resources that was going into this honeymoon, we made our individual preparations to ensure that this would be a productive honeymoon (and hopefully a reproductive one as well. Or else lagot ako sa mommy ko).

My definition of a productive honeymoon as to make sure that every minute of our European rendezvous was worth every centavo in my savings passbook. Thus, I conducted an extensive review of several travel guides to check out places of interest, developed complex mathematical to map out the most efficient way to criss-cross Western Europe via Eurail and l checked out online guides to find out the most affordable places to stay (but private enough that my wife and I could enjoy the church-approved benefits of my honeymoon). With that, I drew up this checklist to quantify my enjoyment of the trip:

Size does matter: The Rimowa Salsa line has a product range that includes 15 different sizes in silver, prosecco and matt finished black. Ideal for carrying your travel documents up to your kitchen sink.

1. Visit 8 cities over 6 countries;

2. Visit 674 places of interest;

3. Bring wife on the honeymoon;

4. Make baby with wife over honeymoon.

However, we had yet to make the most crucial decision with regard to the honeymoon: What brand of maleta we should take along for the trip?

My philosophy for this trip was to travel swiftly, travel stealthily and travel lightly. I only planned to bring the bare essentials such as a pair of jeans, a few dress shirts, two pairs of socks, three pairs of double-sided underwear, a disinfectant spray and very, very strong perfume (I hear that this is all the rage in France). So all I thought I needed was his and hers travel backpacks and a beltbag (and maybe a clutch bag). 

As I handed my wife her backpack, she shared her European travel philosophy with me: travel comfortably, travel fashionably or travel alone.  

So we dashed to Adora Department Store in Greenbelt 5 in search of a maleta that would comfortably and fashionably fit in my wife’s entire wardrobe and make up room. (Although my wife said that I could still use the backpack and clutch bag). And just as anal-retentive as I was in drawing up our travel plans, my wife was of the same disposition when it came to qualifying our luggage.

1. It had to be light;

2. It had to be functional; 

Lean on me: You can always rely on the classic Rimowa Topas series. Made of aluminum, the Topas series has been produced since the 1950s and has been constantly upgraded ever since. This is one of the lightest and most stable cases in the world.

3. It had to be stylish;

4. It had to be customized to her needs (and she needed a lot).

After a thorough inspection, a series of quality control tests, and double-checking if the maleta would match her vacation wardrobe, my wife and I came home with five pieces of Rimowa luggage. (But don’t worry, my wife assured me, I could still use my backpack and clutch for my own belongings.)

And, as every obedient husband knows, my wife was undeniably right when she chose Rimowa. Just how right was my wife? Let me count the ways. 

Light is right. Rimowa uses polycarbonate in its case construction – the same material used in airplane panels and vehicle construction. The polycarbonate greatly reduced the weight of the case while allowing the luggage to main. True enough, the Rimowa luggage was easier to lift and lug around than other brands of luggage that have led me to many a visit with my chiropractor. If our Rimowa was any lighter, it might have just floated away. It’s a good thing that it was weighed down by my wife’s entire wardrobe and makeup room.

Funk-tionable! On top of making their luggage much lighter, Rimowa’s polycarbonate material renders them extremely resilient and shock-proof so that even dents regain their original form by themselves! (I suspect Rimowa luggage could be made of material recovered from alien space crafts.) This is a maleta that could probably survive a nuclear attack, an alien infestation and maybe even a shopping spree at an Italian tiangge. 

The air up there: The Salsa Air weights up to 26 percent less than than the Salsa line, despite an unchanged body. Aside from its fashionable colors of ultra violet, inka gold, aquamarine and navy blue feature a gleaming metallic look, the Salsa Air is first recessed combination lock with ABUS TSA cylinder. Rimowa is available at Adora in Greenbelt 5, Ayala Center.

On top of Rimowa’s shock-proof power, its other super-powered accessory was the multiwheel system — the swiveling wheels at the bottom of the luggage that allowed the luggage to be rotated in any direction. Now this, my friends, is the secret weapon of the Rimowa bag. Just imagine this: during a European vacation where you are traveling to eight cities within a month-long period, 90 percent of the time will consist of you dragging your luggage up several flights of stairs of a one-star hostel (no elevator), then carting your luggage down the same flight of stairs after you check out of the hostel the following day, running down the length of a train station’s walkway while tossing your luggage into the train a few seconds before the train door closes, and then tossing your luggage out of the train door during the three second time frame lest you miss your stop. And play this back 1,500 or so times. If it wasn’t for those multiwheels easing the bumpy ride on those stairs or sliding across those walkways, the only thing that I might have accomplished in Europe was to make a baby with my wife. 

Fashion statement. But what is function without fashyooooonnn!? Rimowa understood my wife and her fashion sense, thus it developed the Salsa line that comes in silver, prosecco and matte-finished black, the Salsa Deluxe line in black, orient red, seal grey and brown, the Salsa Air line in ultra violet, inka gold, aquamarine and a navy blue feature with a gleaming metallic look, and finally the Limbo line with gleaming contour designs in black or night blue black, night blue and seal gray. Goodness, those pieces of luggage were more fashionable than anything that I had in my wardrobe!

So it didn’t matter if I looked like I was haggard or harassed or like I was trying to make a baby while hauling our luggage around the European capitals. At least our luggage would always look fashionable. 

Ac-custom-ed. Admittedly, there is no luggage yet with a built-in makeup room. But since Rimowa is available in so many different sizes, there is probably a Rimowa that can fit a makeup room, a changing room, an ironing board and the kitchen sink.

But on top of the multiple sizes, there are custom features that make the Rimowa smarter than your average maleta. The Salsa deluxe line has a flexible divider system that ensures that your clothes that are crinkling-prone arrive at your destination free of folds (Honey, I don’t think we need to take the ironing board with us anymore); the Bolero line has pockets made of polyesters cloth where you can store travel documents or magazines (or, in my case, comic books). And finally, the Topas Titanium is equipped with an intelligent divider system whose ability to segregate your clothes is almost at par with your yaya. 

As our honeymoon drew to a close, our beloved Aluminum Rimowa maletas did bear some of the scars that came with a grueling travel schedule, especially after being yanked up and pushed down several hundred staircases, thrown haphazardly into train cabins and squeezed into overhead compartments. But that didn’t really matter. You know why? Because scarred bags have character. And character goes a long way. (Well, at least that’s the excuse I gave my wife or else she would have given me character all over my behind.)

When we finally returned to the comforts of home and yaya, I took stock of the checklist that I drafted before we left.

1 Visit 8 cities over 6 countries. Check.

2 Visit 671 places of interest. Incomplete.

3 Bring wife on the honeymoon. Check

4 Make baby with wife over honeymoon. Check.

What!? I missed three places of interest!? Now I cannot quantitatively claim that I truly enjoyed my honeymoon. Well, expect for the baby-making part. Oh well, we can always visit those three places again when the wife and I celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary with our 11 children. At least I know our Rimowa luggage will still be around by then.