Hard rock to metta
September 5, 2004 | 12:00am
Every wakeful step, every mindful act is the direct path to awakening. Wherever you go, There you are. – Buddha
I lived to get high and got high to live. I lived by this motto – until I attended a 10-day course in Vipassana meditation, a technique of observing the reality within oneself. Vipassana came to my life at just the right time. I was living in the fast lane. Dazed and confused in a THC haze (methamphetamine), lost in an ethanol fog (and god knows what other chemical). Self-hatred oozed out of my drug and alcohol-carrying veins. I knew I was in a sorry state and I blamed the world and myself for it. Peace of mind seemed an unknown planet; I was traveling on a downward spiral journey to hell.
It was on November 5, 1999, that I voluntarily entered a drug rehabilitation program. The program lasted 13 months and took place in the foothills of the Sierra Madre. The day I "graduated" I remember being so sure that I could handle living in the real world.
After just a few months of sobriety, during which I went to a couple of AA/NA meetings, I relapsed. Not yet completely healed, I joined my friends in the occasional bottle which led to the occasional "toke" of this and that, losing more of myself especially after my best friend died on October 19, 2002.
One fateful day, a very dear friend of mine asked me if I’d be interested to join a 10-day meditation course that was to be held in Cavite. Later, when I got the confirmation letter I thought, "Oh God, what have I gotten myself into?" Little did I know that this event would play a pivotal role in my life.
A day before the departure, I decide to drop all my vices. I went colder than cold turkey even if three days before I went on a hard rocking ‘n rolling frantic binge.
October 15, 2003 came. It could only have been the day I had been waiting for but it was also a day I remember dreading a lot. It was a gloomy day, overcast skies. The group met up in Makati. I sensed uncertainty in the air but it could also just have been paranoia on my part. Right before stepping on that bus I couldn’t help but notice a part of my mind telling me that there was still a chance to back out. But I grabbed my seat, knowing somehow there could be no turning back.
When we arrived we were asked to make a vow to practice noble silence and follow the five precepts of Sila, a moral code of abstaining from physical and verbal actions that cause harm to others and oneself. The fifth precept stated explicitly to abstain from intoxicants such as tobacco, alcohol, any form of illegal drugs. This vow I realized, helped me detoxify both my body and my mind throughout the 10 days. Aside from this, we also had healthy and delicious vegetarian food. We ate only two full meals a day and were served fruits and tea late in the afternoon. To my surprise, I was able to enjoy vegetarian food and get by with two full meals a day. The entire practice proved helpful in curbing my cravings for food as well as alcohol and drugs. To date, I have kept a semi-vegetarian diet and a chemical-free lifestyle.
We worked on the Vipassana meditation technique more than 12 hours a day. Group sittings – three times a day, and the rest of the time we had to do meditation on our own either in our room or in the meditation hall. Sitting for long periods isn’t as easy as it seems. It requires patience, determination and hard work. This may be the biggest surprise to me, to see myself (a person who has been hyperactive all my life) sitting in stillness for an hour and sometimes two hours for a period of time. At the end of each day we all gathered in the meditation hall to listen to our teacher’s discourse. He discussed the wisdom behind the technique, the purpose it serves in life and the encouragement to persevere through the remaining days.
Since the day I left for the Vipassana retreat up to this moment, I have remained sober and with strong determination to remain sober for as long as I live. My gratitude overflows towards Gotama the Buddha for developing the practice of Vipassana and towards my teacher S.N. Goenka for bringing this practice within reach. The vicious cycle of craving for drugs and alcohol is broken, paving the way towards true liberation.
In my daily practice of meditation, I begin to see things as they are, and not as I want them to be. In the past, my life was full of expectations that led me to frustrations. Frustrations were easily medicated with drugs, but now, with meditation I am slowly learning to accept any situation and experience with equanimity. The journey towards ultimate liberation may be long but what’s important is that I have made the first steps in the right path. In this world, in this life, only impermanence is permanent. Knowing this, I am bound to be successful in living life the way that life is meant to be lived.
After every hour of sitting, I do a practice called Metta-bhavana. Here I send my love and goodwill to all sentient beings. This is how I wish to end my story: I wish to send you my love and good will. May all of you be happy, peaceful, and liberated.
The 6th Vipassana 10-day meditation retreat will be held on October 19 to 31 at the DSLU Systems, Charles Huang Conference Center, Batulao,Batangas. For further inquiries call Art Pambid ats 643-4164 or e-mail vipassanarp@yahoo.com or log on to www.dhamma.org Interested parties may download application forms from website and send them to modjini@yahoo.com or fax to 02-632-2361.
I lived to get high and got high to live. I lived by this motto – until I attended a 10-day course in Vipassana meditation, a technique of observing the reality within oneself. Vipassana came to my life at just the right time. I was living in the fast lane. Dazed and confused in a THC haze (methamphetamine), lost in an ethanol fog (and god knows what other chemical). Self-hatred oozed out of my drug and alcohol-carrying veins. I knew I was in a sorry state and I blamed the world and myself for it. Peace of mind seemed an unknown planet; I was traveling on a downward spiral journey to hell.
It was on November 5, 1999, that I voluntarily entered a drug rehabilitation program. The program lasted 13 months and took place in the foothills of the Sierra Madre. The day I "graduated" I remember being so sure that I could handle living in the real world.
After just a few months of sobriety, during which I went to a couple of AA/NA meetings, I relapsed. Not yet completely healed, I joined my friends in the occasional bottle which led to the occasional "toke" of this and that, losing more of myself especially after my best friend died on October 19, 2002.
One fateful day, a very dear friend of mine asked me if I’d be interested to join a 10-day meditation course that was to be held in Cavite. Later, when I got the confirmation letter I thought, "Oh God, what have I gotten myself into?" Little did I know that this event would play a pivotal role in my life.
A day before the departure, I decide to drop all my vices. I went colder than cold turkey even if three days before I went on a hard rocking ‘n rolling frantic binge.
October 15, 2003 came. It could only have been the day I had been waiting for but it was also a day I remember dreading a lot. It was a gloomy day, overcast skies. The group met up in Makati. I sensed uncertainty in the air but it could also just have been paranoia on my part. Right before stepping on that bus I couldn’t help but notice a part of my mind telling me that there was still a chance to back out. But I grabbed my seat, knowing somehow there could be no turning back.
When we arrived we were asked to make a vow to practice noble silence and follow the five precepts of Sila, a moral code of abstaining from physical and verbal actions that cause harm to others and oneself. The fifth precept stated explicitly to abstain from intoxicants such as tobacco, alcohol, any form of illegal drugs. This vow I realized, helped me detoxify both my body and my mind throughout the 10 days. Aside from this, we also had healthy and delicious vegetarian food. We ate only two full meals a day and were served fruits and tea late in the afternoon. To my surprise, I was able to enjoy vegetarian food and get by with two full meals a day. The entire practice proved helpful in curbing my cravings for food as well as alcohol and drugs. To date, I have kept a semi-vegetarian diet and a chemical-free lifestyle.
We worked on the Vipassana meditation technique more than 12 hours a day. Group sittings – three times a day, and the rest of the time we had to do meditation on our own either in our room or in the meditation hall. Sitting for long periods isn’t as easy as it seems. It requires patience, determination and hard work. This may be the biggest surprise to me, to see myself (a person who has been hyperactive all my life) sitting in stillness for an hour and sometimes two hours for a period of time. At the end of each day we all gathered in the meditation hall to listen to our teacher’s discourse. He discussed the wisdom behind the technique, the purpose it serves in life and the encouragement to persevere through the remaining days.
Since the day I left for the Vipassana retreat up to this moment, I have remained sober and with strong determination to remain sober for as long as I live. My gratitude overflows towards Gotama the Buddha for developing the practice of Vipassana and towards my teacher S.N. Goenka for bringing this practice within reach. The vicious cycle of craving for drugs and alcohol is broken, paving the way towards true liberation.
In my daily practice of meditation, I begin to see things as they are, and not as I want them to be. In the past, my life was full of expectations that led me to frustrations. Frustrations were easily medicated with drugs, but now, with meditation I am slowly learning to accept any situation and experience with equanimity. The journey towards ultimate liberation may be long but what’s important is that I have made the first steps in the right path. In this world, in this life, only impermanence is permanent. Knowing this, I am bound to be successful in living life the way that life is meant to be lived.
After every hour of sitting, I do a practice called Metta-bhavana. Here I send my love and goodwill to all sentient beings. This is how I wish to end my story: I wish to send you my love and good will. May all of you be happy, peaceful, and liberated.
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