On ‘slanguage’: How’s that again?

Ask for chips in a London pub and they’ll give you french fries. Order a pop in Manhattan and you’d probably get punched in the face. But order one in, say Chicago or Canada, and they’ll give you a Coke. In Texas, any carbonated drink is called Coke, regardless of its color or brand (just as Pinoys call their toothpaste Colgate, regardless of brand). In England, buildings have lifts, not elevators. When in England, you look for the loo. Elsewhere in Europe, it’s called WC (as in water closet). On the other hand, the Americans have their john or toilet while Canadians, their washroom. As for Filipinos, well, we go to the restroom (which is often hardly a place to rest) or else we try to find comfort (if we can) in the CR (as in comfort room).

To paraphrase Shakespeare, what’s in a word? A lot, according to Mike Ellis, language consultant for TV networks and some other corporations, who’s compiled a repository of what he calls "slanguage" or words that have enriched a people’s daily vocabulary.

"Every day, new words are born that reflect who we are and where we live," Ellis unleashes a mouthful on the back cover of his slanguage book (available at Goodwill Bookstore). Or you can log on to www.slanguage.com.

But beware of the slanguage that comes out of your mouth because it can be a dead giveaway of how old you are. If you were very much around in the Sixties, you’d be familiar with these Pinoy slangy expressions: Esputing tayo ha! Wow, pare, heavy! Dyahe! Walandyo ha! Walastik!

Only in the Philippines will you find such amusing names as:

• Bread Pitt (a bakery)

• Maruya Carey (a fast-food place selling turon and maruya in Greebelt, Makati)

• Caintacky Fried Chicken (an eatery in Cainta, Rizal)

• Mang Donald’s (a burger joint at the Naga City plaza)

• Candies Be Love? (Can anything be sweeter than this?)

• Doris Day and Night (a 24-hour eatery)

• Babalik Karinderia

• Holland Hopia (owned by Mr. Ho) and next-door neighbor Poland Hopia (owned by Mr. Po) in Chinatown

• Miki Mao (a noodle house)

• Tapsi Turbi (a tapa house)

• Cleopata’s (a manukan and bakahan)

• Goto Heaven

• Cooking ng Ina Mo (a carinderia) and right across it, Cooking ng Ina Mo Rin

• The Fried of Marikina (a fried chicken house)

• Wrap and Roll (a lumpia outlet in Quad, Makati)

• Pansit ng taga-Malaboni (a panciteria on Boni Ave., Mandaluyong)

• Side-saki (a side street eatery beside Mandarin Oriental in Makati)

• Let’s Goat-Together (a kambingan-cum-beer garden)

• Meating Place (a meat shop)

• Meatropolis (another meat shop)

• Happy Birthday Toyo (a soy sauce brand in the 1970s)

• Isda best, Pusit to the limit, and Hipon coming back (entrees on the menu of a seafood restaurant)

• Cinna Von (a laundromat)

• Pier Carding (a tailoring shop in Pier, Manila)

• Elizabeth Tailoring

• The Way We Wear (a boutique)

• Curl Up and Dye (a beauty salon)

• Felix the Cut (a barber shop)

• Goldilooks (also a barber shop)

• Saudia Hairlines (a beauty parlor)

• Sylvestre’s Salon

• Bote Nga Sa ’Yo (used bottle shop)

• Christopher Plumbing (your friendly neighborhood plumber)

• Goldirocks (a gravel and sand shop)

• Fernando Pe’s Box Office Hits (a video rental shop in Palawan)

• Leon King Video Rental (in Las Piñas)

• Memory Drug (a clone of Mercury Drug)

• Petal Attraction (a flower shop near UP Diliman)

• Susan’s Roses (a flower shop, but of course!)

• Maid to Order (maids placement agency)

• Sign on the window of a restaurant in Baguio – Wanted: Boy Waitress

When we retire or get fired, we dream of putting up a vegetarian restaurant named Tokwa Tokwa (with apologies to the Ramoses’ Tokyo Tokyo). A PR lady friend wants to go into selling taho, which is a soy-good business these days. She already has a name for her taho outlet: Lake Taho.

If you’re a commuter (a jeepsetter?) you must have come across these signs on some jeepneys and buses (which can drive you crazy):

• "Before pay, tell where get the on before get the off."

• "Full string to stop driver."

• "God knows Hudas not pay."

• "Don’t get closed to me, get closed to God."

When you’re in Honolulu, Hawaii, you may get an RSVP dinner invitation that says: "You come eat my house." Talk about having a full dinner.

In Memphis, Tennesee, when you order iced tea, you’d be asked, very sweetly now, "Sweet or unsweet?"

Don’t get shocked when an Englishman asks you, "Got any rubbers?" He simply wants to know if you have a pencil eraser.

People who live in Maine are called "Mainiacs."

In London, don’t jump off your seat when somebody asks, "May I pinch your seat?" That person simply wants to borrow your chair.

And when somebody taps you on the shoulder and says, "Birds are flying," that somebody means "Your bra straps are showing."

In Baltimore, Maryland, when friends bump into each other, you’d hear the casual greeting "Hi, hon!" Also here, the word Oreos doesn’t mean your favorite cookie but the baseball team, which is one tough cookie.

Most of us are familiar with SoHo, but have you heard of NoHo (North Hollywood)? What about Hollyweird?

In Ohio, don’t be alarmed when they say there are a lot of double crossers there. These people are not dishonest people – they’re people who cross the Ohio river twice a day to and from work.

Also in Cincinnati, Ohio, when people say "Please?" they mean "What did you say?"

Ellis also took note of these malapropisms:

• Don’t burn that incest (incense).

• According to his last will and testicle (testament).

• She’s experiencing mental pause (menopause).

• The student was suspended for suppository remarks (derogatory remarks).

• He delivered the urology (eulogy).

Oh, excuse us while we powder our nose!