D.O.M. (Dirty Old Man)

What comes to mind when you hear the words "dirty old men" or D.O.M. for short? What images do you see when these three letters of the infamous acronym confront you?

These letters need not just mean one thing. They can be manipulated in countless ways to denote particular situations involving older men in specific moments of your life. D.O.M. may stand for admonishments by a woman to an older male object of her ire or they may also simply be a graphic description of the subject himself. D.O.M. could mean anything you wish, really. While it may be a classic, derogatory phrase, it can also mean something as holy as a monk’s title in medieval France. D.O.M. can connote a plethora of other meanings when its three letters are played into various puns. These letters then proceed to evoke a multitude of sentiments, starting from the amusing to the absurd to the downright offensive. But are they really the scarlet letters we should use to brand a specific type of men?

D.O.M. Dirty Old Men. Drooling Over Misses. Don’t Ogle Me. Dream On, Mister. Deceiving One’s Missus. Duping Only the Mindless. Distressing Over the Mistress. Diabolical Ogre with Money. Defective, Overused Merchandise. Deluded Old Meano. Dreadful Over-aged Monster. Deadbeat Old Madman. Dude On Malfunction Mode.

The pervading stereotype of the Dirty Old Man has been reinforced over time by its own subjects: the aging men whose penchant for much younger women and their addiction to the wooing process drive them predictably into behaving badly. Dirty old men are, of course, old. Duh! They are usually upwards of 40 and mostly married to high-maintenance, highly visible society matrons who are a good sport. They turn a blind eye to their husbands’ dalliances to keep the peace and for as long they look good while doing it, they’re fine. Dirty Old Men need financial empowerment. Money, tons of it, is their lifeline to this lifestyle. It is the only viable bait to reel in their prey. Aesthetics: good looks and poetics.Why they are the way they are is immaterial here. Body type and attractiveness have no bearing whatsoever on whether they may be considered a D.O.M. or not. Whether they are George Clooney clones or Keith Richards look-alikes, they fall under the D.O.M. species if they objectify women and treat them badly. Dirty Old Men come in a vast array of packages: old, older, oldest, and rich, richer, richest. A Dirty Old Man with no money is like a gun with no ammo. Money and ammunition are the very essence of their being. A Dirty Old Man without money is just an old man and a gun with no ammo is a dead man’s weapon.

The label D.O.M. is a persona more than anything else and 90 percent of educated, level-headed women possess internal, high-frequency radars to spot one. The symptoms of being in the presence of a D.O.M are: hair on the nape and arms rising up in revolt; involuntary shudders racking the body in triple time; overwhelming hurl reflex from an agitated stomach. Dirty Old Men continue to have no inkling that most women are on to them and to all the variations of their modus operandi.

Dirty Old Men normally dress 30 years younger than their age, showcasing a preference for gaudy bling: the regulation bracelet, gold chain and clutch bag. They come with optional accessories: the bodyguard or bodyguards; the exotic car or cars; the thoroughbred or Arabian Stallion or stables-full of both; the beach house; maybe even a helicopter. The staple accoutrements are their fellow D.O.M. buddies, whom they never leave home without. D.O.M. are predators, like wolves, they travel in packs; they stake out the sheep and eat them alive.

It is difficult to miss them in popular night spots or "killing fields" as women refer to them, which is their venue of choice for window shopping. They think that they are strutting into bars, when they’re just actually waddling in with their paunches leading the way, preceding the rest of their bodies, oozing with attitude and hoping to score before the night is over.

There always is a smug smile on their faces, a sort of grimace which makes them look like they think they know something we don’t. Their bodies perpetually bob to the music in an attempt to exhibit hipness or coolness. Their fight to look sexy explains the cutely puckered mouth, which inside, deceivingly houses three rows of jagged incisors.

They have what is known as "elevator eyes," which travel up and down a woman’s body from her chest to her feet and back again; or "wiper eyes," which travel side to side from boob to boob much like a tennis match spectator. But for all that ophthalmic activity, they never ever look you in the eye.

They are an interesting specimen on the dance floor. They bend their arms at the elbows, raise their fists to shoulder height and do the "hip shimmy" with wild abandon. This "hip shimmy" looks like a series of pelvic bone thrusts all around the perimeter of their personal space. They may actually appear stuck, motionless in one position from afar, but upon closer inspection there is a whole lot of discernable hither-thither hip shaking going on.

I did a quick and random field survey on women’s thoughts and opinions about the quintessential D.O.M. and here are some of their responses. My question was: "What comes to mind when I say Dirty Old Men?"

Stephanie, 21: Oh! Them! They’re old…

Chari, 18: I heard they prey on young, vulnerable and impressionable girls who are awed by their luxurious lifestyles. But as long as they don’t bother me, I guess they’re okay.

Leslie, 25: They put a premium on girls with boyfriends because they are not needy and clingy. They are not demanding of their time so they can do whatever else it is that they do, like, chase other girls?

Pam, 45: I know for a fact that their motto is "You are as young as the woman you feel!" Yuck!

Cielo, 22: They never say "I love you," the most they’ll come up with is "I feel for you" so you can’t ever hold them to their word when they suddenly up and leave and move on to the next conquest. When you convince them to leave their wives their standard canned reply is "Don’t worry, I’ll work it out."

Tara, 28: ###***%%%@@@xxx&&&!!!

Amparo, 72: Ay, they’re harmless! They’re old and useless. Ha ha ha! And you know that I know that you know what I mean, right? Young girls are their link to youth…we should just let them be. As long as they’re not our husbands.

Dina, 17: No comment, my dad is one of them.

There is a world of difference between Dirty Old Men and just older men. D.O.M. may be scheming womanizers who don’t treat ladies right. Older men are just simply that: older. Both are not to be confused with perverts who belong to a totally different league, these are men who stand around with their hands in their pockets playing pocket billiards. Go figure!

Dirty Old Men are those whose floundering testosterone levels are in the final throes of potency. They should be non-threatening if one is well-versed in the games they play. They can actually even be a wellspring of good fun and amusement. Manila’s social landscape would be so boring if we didn’t have them running around to entertain us with their well-worn antics on our nights out. Next time you spot them, grab a drink, sit back and let them regale you for some hearty laughs.