Jaguar launches its baddest car ever

It may have taken 50 years, but it was definitely worth the wait.

Jaguar has finally released its first two-seater sports car since the iconic E-Type, which has been hailed as one of the most beautiful cars ever made. There was the temptation to keep the name plate, but today’s Jaguar is all about looking forward, not back, so please rise as we welcome the new F-Type R coupe and push the start-stop button to hear Britain’s new national anthem.

Honestly, I’ve never heard anything quite like it in my life. The sound is so damn good, they could sell on iTunes. Heck, they can sell it to F1 teams and teach them a thing or two about exhaust notes. It is nothing like a Ferrari, Porsche, Pagani or AMG. This is throatier; a baritone with anger management issues. And it stays with you long after lock it up for the night.

Word has it that Jaguar actually had to install an exhaust silencer button because it makes more noise than what any track in England will legally allow you to make. Seriously. Which is why they launched it in Barcelona.

The new Motorland track sits about 122kms south of nowhere. Actually, this is where nowhere goes when it doesn’t want to be found. It is the latest Herman Tilke track, which he co-designed with the legendary test driver, Pedro De La Rosa, and it’s the perfect place to let the cat out of the bag, if you’ll pardon the pun.

5.3 kms of perfectly cambered racetrack, featuring an incredible 1.7km straight that climaxes to a first gear hairpin, it has epic written all over it. In fact, it is so epic that Jaguar needed to use the optional chicane to shorten it, otherwise we would be hitting speeds that would legally require a boarding pass. Still, with 700metes or so cut out of the straight, I still top out at 262 before I run out of road and stomp on those incredible new carbon ceramic brakes that give the exact same feel every single lap. 

From there, I begin my first flying lap. I call up second, then third. I notice a once neatly tucked in boot lid rise up as I storm past 116km/h that is meant to generate up to 120kgs of downforce. I can distinctly see the Jaguar logo in my mirror as well as the name, albeit back to front. Which is quite fitting actually, because this car is everything you knew about Jaguar, but in reverse.

I mean, let’s face it. Awesome as some of their products have been. Jaguars have always been something your dad buys. The new F-Type is the first Jag that’s set to turn that all around. Just the fact that they flew over 580 journalists for this launch goes to show how serious they are. To put that into perspective, volume sellers like the C-class and the 3-series would top out at 600. And since the launch of the F-Type convertible, sales are up 42 percent with new records being set for Jaguar in 17 markets.

And the fact that 75 percent of F-Type convertible buyers are new to the brand means they could be on to something. This, we’re told, is a new breed of cat. And they’re not pussy-footing around.

It all starts with an imposing look that looks like it will literally pounce if you looked at it the wrong way. The designers were careful to not lose the gracefulness that Jaguars have always had, but only this time, they managed to give it some teeth. It carries that same silhouette of the E-Type, especially in the rear, but it speaks its own design language.

The interior is provocative, yet welcoming all at the same time. From the meaty three-spoke wheel to the stubby gear lever, it involves you as soon as you settle in. There’s a handy ‘Race’ button conveniently next to the gear lever that is as taunting as a wet paint sign. You can’t help but touch it. And once you do, all hell and its landlord breaks loose.

550 horsepower channels itself through to the 20-inch wheels through the most brilliant ZF 8-speed auto ever made. It only uses the torque converter on first gear, then disables it from there, giving you lightning shifts that would have been impressive in a 2008 F1 car. In fact, it is so good it could do to DSG what MP3 did to CD. Just saying.

Naught to a hundred happens in just 4.2 seconds. But it’s what happens after that where the real story begins. With an all-aluminum spaceframe, the F-Type dances through corners like something out of Weissach. There, I said it. Two words that have not appeared in the same sentence unless there was a punchline in the end: Jaguar has entered 911 territory.

And not only that, it is but a whisker away from the LFA’s Nurburgring time. 7:39 around the ‘Ring places it in 458 territory. And it makes no apologies for it, either.

The only thing it loses along the way is manners. With an 80 percent stiffer frame, you give up the suppleness that Jags have always been known for. In fact, coming from an XK-R test not too long ago, I find it quite bad. Really bad. Oh yes, it’s good to be bad.

For a complete set of pictures and to hear the incredible sound of the engine at full bore the author completes a couple of laps around the Motorland track, visit www.jamesdeakin.ph