Ugly or pretty? (or The Great Fishing Expedition)

MANILA, Philippines - YouTube used to be so much fun when it first started. We gained access to music videos and live performances from our favorite musical artists and some we’ve never heard of before; movie trailers; ‘80s cartoons from our childhood; and short clips from movies. We were treated to homemade videos of people doing interesting things outside our sphere of reference like parkour, or gymnastics, or the art of cooking some exotic dish.

And then one day, it got very personal and revealing. Too personal and too revealing. They turned their webcams to their own faces and began talking to us, telling us what they thought about anything and everything. Some people are actually witty and have something to say but for every one of those, we have about a thousand inane ones.

The latest is a trend among tweens and teens. These young people post videos asking the denizens of YouTube whether they are ugly or pretty. Just type “Ugly or Pretty?” on the search bar and you’ll find about 7,000 related videos.

Articles have been written about how this trend is an example of teenagers need for acceptance and speak about teen’s incapacity to deal with the stresses of growing up. Watching the videos, it’s true, some of these kids are shy and a little broken but I have yet to read an article about the other side of the coin.

Probably the first and most famous of these videos, uploaded in 2010 by sgal901, shows a girl wearing a koala hat, looking straight at the camera, and barely stuttering or stammering. This is not the demeanor of a shy, insecure young girl. She’s actually pretty and spends half the video showing pictures of her and saying, “This is me” and “This is me thinking.”

Call me cynical but quite a lot of these girls (and boys) who post these videos are not at all unattractive. I get the feeling that quite a few of them know the answer. They just want it validated. Could this be an attempt to be seen by a TV executive who might cast them in their own reality television show? Today, people can land a great big recording contract based on YouTube videos. Why not them? A lot of people have become rich and famous being on a reality show, just being who they are and not really doing anything particularly exceptional. Could this be a new goal for some kids?

With sgal901’s video hitting four million views and over 100,000 comments, whether or not she feels validated, she definitely feels noticed. Maybe that’s the kicker.

Yes, being a teen is hard. The moment your body starts pumping those hormones, you start getting attracted to other people and you start feeling things you’ve never had before. But Mother Nature can be rather cruel because at this most vulnerable time, she decides to present you at your ugliest. You start growing hair in different parts of your body, your voice breaks and changes, and then don’t forget the acne. Peer pressure starts to sink in and the need to be accepted pushes forth. This is the time we want to be part of society. At this point, we don’t want to be treated like kids. We want to be taken seriously.

The Internet has changed the game for this new generation. In my day, we were relegated to finding acceptance in only the circles that we actually were already a part of, which was school and family. Now, kids can find a community in any part of the world with good Internet access. If they don’t find the connection and understanding they need from their immediate surroundings, they can get online.

The dangers of such an endeavor can be quite severe. You bet the haters leave their share of some scathing words in the comment section and putting yourself out there in such a way makes you vulnerable to sexual predators who may or may not be sneaky enough to get your trust.

The big question is, where is the parenting in all of this? Why do these kids feel that they can get the answer from the Internet? Why don’t they know that asking for comments from YouTube viewers is a futile attempt (or can backfire disastrously)? No stranger can ever make someone feel beautiful unless the person asking the question truly believes he or she is beautiful. We go through small steps to get to a level where we can receive more and more criticism from the world. As a child, we have our playmates; as we get through school, we contend with our school; and when we graduate, it’s the people we meet when we are out, the people at work, and so on and so forth. Baby steps. We should climb the staircase of life one step at a time. Skipping a step is a dangerous game.

To all the tweens and teens and whatnots out there who still feel like they can find the answer from the web, let me make this short and sweet for you: Self-pity and globally announcing your insecurities have never been, in any shape, form or culture, pretty. Everything they said in school about “It’s what is inside that counts” has always been true. You are only as pretty as you feel.

And please, let that be the end of it.