Holiday tips from the Aussie Santa

Well, we’ve passed Christmas, and are into the New Year. Instead of answering some of your questions on relationships, fitness or work, I’ve decided that it might be a nice change to give some general holiday season advice. I’m sure everyone knows how to enjoy the holidays, but a few tips from the Aussie Santa (he’s just like the other Santa, but wears surf shorts and a tan) won’t hurt.

So, did you get some good stuff for Christmas? Did you give some great stuff away? I’m sure there are some of you who may not be 100 percent happy with what you did or did not receive this year. The reasons can range from something being the wrong color or style, to being upset that so-and-so didn’t give you anything after you’d gotten her that nice generic soap-and-lotion set. Whenever you feel just a little bit disappointed, can you please do me a little Christmas favor? Go up to a close friend, bend over, and tell them to kick some sense and Christmas spirit into you. Seriously. You’ve heard that Christmas is a season of giving. Remember that. Only the most spoiled brats go by the saying "Christmas is the season of receiving."

There are many reasons you may have received less than you expected, whether it be a case of limited finances, people being busy, not sure if they’d see you or whatever. Similarly, don’t feel so bad if you forgot to get distant Tita Peachy something, or your officemate’s inaanak for that matter. I, for one, give gifts to those I see regularly or who are quite close to me. However, I expect zero in return. This has the added bonus that I’m pleasantly surprised if I do receive something.

The greatest gift I expect to give, and most especially receive, is sincerity. Those that I really care about just need to let me know that I’m a part of their life in order to make me happy. I’ve been living away from my family for quite a few years now, and so the yearly gift exchange has not really been practised when we don’t see each other (although my parents usually save me something for when I next see them — sometimes years later).

We do, however, try and make sure we call at Christmas just to wish one another the best, say we’re OK and that we love each other. Same thing goes for birthdays. With my friends, all I want is for them to be genuinely happy to see me, as their smiles and company throughout the year are worth more than any of us could afford.

Now I’m sure that everyone has been dutiful as far as their respective religions go, and have celebrated the season in accordance with whatever their faith dictates (or have you just been going through the motions to keep your parents happy again?). However, with New Year just around the corner, I hope I can suggest a couple of resolutions you may want to consider.

I often get questions sent in pertaining to relationships, so this first suggestion goes out to all the couples out there, whether married or just dating. Appreciate each other as much as possible. Understand that you will always have differences, and don’t try to change each other too much. These differences are what make you individuals and isn’t that what attracted you to each other in the first place? Also, don’t lose sight of friends and family when you’re in a relationship. Often (especially in the first few "bunny season" months), people get so caught up with their partners that they forget the other people around them. Keep and still see old friends, as this will help you stay grounded and keep your old individual personality without becoming what I often call "half of a pair."

Another big thing that a lot of us need to learn is how to trust. It’s OK to be a bit seloso (and I mean just a tiny bit), but you shouldn’t be driving yourself nuts every time your partner talks to someone of the opposite sex (or the same sex… you can’t be too sure these days). They’re with you for a reason, and it’s OK for them to be friendly with other people, so long as you are still the one they love. Similarly, this means that you should not do anything to betray the trust that they should likewise put in you i.e., don’t cheat. If you really can’t control the urge, then you shouldn’t be in the relationship to start with and should end it before you do something stupid. Respect the love and memories you’ve had with your partner enough to at least do that, and if you falter, just switch it around and imagine how you’d feel if they cheated on you.

Now for you singles out there (myself included), you may be either be looking for the love of your life, or may be just enjoying the commitment-free dating game. Either way, there are a few things that you should keep in mind. In this wonderful game we call dating, there are certain unwritten yet important rules that should be remembered.

Firstly, no false pretenses. This will probably apply to the boys more than the girls, but the general rule is don’t pretend to love and commit to someone if you just want to have fun without any attachments. People will always get attracted to each other, but some are looking for something serious and others aren’t. If you’re a serious guy and find a serious girl, that’s great! But if you’re a girl who wants something serious and you hook up with a guy who just wants some fun, then you’re both just setting yourself up for serious heartache (for the former) and headaches (for the latter). Make sure that you both understand exactly what the other is able to offer while you’re both still dating. If you’re looking for different things, no problem! You can probably hang out as friends.

Speaking of friendship, and this applies to both singles and couples, just because you may not have worked out as a couple doesn’t mean you can’t be friends. This also holds true for, umm… more casual arrangements. Don’t feel uncomfortable around each other, even if you see them with someone else. Remember, if what you had is over, then you should remain a supportive friend and be glad for their newfound happiness.

Now on a more general note, I hope everyone can make the effort to try and make the people around you happy this coming year. This often means little more than smiling and being pleasant and patient with others. Greet your workmates in the morning and see how infectious a smile can be (as contagious as a disease, but so much more pleasant to experience).

Also try to understand other people. Not only people of different religions (which is important with what is going on in the world these days), but race, age, sex and economic background. It may seem a bit of an unrealistic, Utopian dream for everyone to get along with everyone else, but if we just keep it in mind as much as possible, it may make our collective lives a little bit easier and a lot more pleasant.

Lastly, enjoy life to the fullest. Not all enjoyable activities need to be expensive (especially for those "bunny season" couples), sometimes, it just means spending time with friends, going somewhere different and doing something new. I like to believe that you can do what you want, as long as no one gets hurt (physically or emotionally).

So, I hope you all had a great Christmas, and enjoy a fantastic New Year! I’ve got to go and show my visiting parents (Christmas together for a change!) around this wonderful country now. If anyone is in Boracay this week, I’ll be the one introducing my parents to my new passion for kiteboarding with the Hangin guys at the back beach. I consider myself lucky that I have a job that I love and wonderful people around me. I wish the same for you in all the years to come. See you all next year for Question Marc 2003!

* * *

Send questions to: question_marc@hotmail.com