Nerdswag for the rich and obsessed
As I imagine it, a luxurious home would be made of two large bronze and wood doors, the floors a pattern of different types of marble, and a vaulted ceiling held up by massive columns — at the center, the Iron Throne. It’s the Lamborghini Veneno Roadster of chairs. There are other chairs more expensive, yes, but those would come with a history of famous owners, possess maglev (that’s magnetic levitation) capabilities, or more than 100 pounds of solid gold. The Iron Throne, the seat of King Robert Baratheon and now, Joffrey? It’s just a chair…made with the swords of his fallen enemies of its creator, Aegon I Targaryen. Ha! Not even the world’s most expensive carmakers can claim that they’ve used weapons lost in battle for their vehicles. Of course, the real Iron Throne is somewhere in a studio in Northern Ireland, still being used for filming by HBO — clearly, not for sale. But for $30,000, you can buy the only official replica, which is massive at seven feet tall and almost six feet wide, made with hand-finished, hand-painted fiberglass and fireproof resin.
Some people like to lie on 1,500- thread count Egyptian cotton, some like to shift uncomfortably on a blade-y glass seat while juggling the fate of his kingdom — to each his own. While “nerdy†and “luxurious†don’t generally mix, there is a whole world of inexplicably covetable things to buy out there for fans with expensive taste. Not many come close to the price of the world’s most expensive car, mentioned above (the topless one reportedly sells for $5.3 million), but keep in mind, most nerdswag are basically toys with no other function but to please their proud owners by merely sitting there.
Speaking of sitting, here’s another high-profile chair to splurge on: the Enterprise Command Chair, a full-size replica of Captain Kirk’s command chair, complete with buttons to press and switches to flick, costs anywhere from $2,000 to $5,499. Though it really does look like a prop and would probably stick out in even the most Trekkified man-caves, it has reportedly sold out everywhere that Star Trek fans have resorted to creating DIY versions, and of course, posting the process on YouTube. Live long and prosper, to you, too.
So you have chairs, now you need a house. But since you are a living, breathing fangirl (or boy), not just any address would do. It would have to be somewhere special, like Hobbiton. Now you can buy smials (Hobbit-holes) on Etsy, similar to that of the Baggins’ in The Hobbit, for $3,000. The makers of these charming little playhouses, Wooden-wonders.com, build hobbit holes for various purposes — sauna, storage garden shed, camping hut or even a bus stop, at 12 by nine feet. Photos show that they can be pretty comfy inside and not a “dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat,†as the opening lines of The Hobbit goes. It’s a Hobbit-hole, and that means comfort.
You know what’ll look good in your little hole in the ground? A Death Star. Made of Lego. A Star Wars Death Star Lego set costs $1,050. Meanwhile those of you who’ll be proposing to a hardcore Harry Potter fangirl/fanboy, a replica of the Sorcerer’s Stone should win their hearts. If you’re into something a little more hardcore than wizardry, perhaps an authentic Spartan shield from the set of 300 — beaten and weathered and probably contaminated with precious Spartan sweat — worth $10,000 would do? And if for some reason, you just love fruit so much and don’t think this is weird at all, Kozik Toys has a bronze bust of a banana — yes, a half-peeled steampunk banana, for $2,000.
Being a nerd is expensive — maybe that’s why not too many hardcore nerds strut into Comic-Con wearing Comme des Garçons sneakers or Lanvin jackets. Priorities, my friends! If you can sit around on the Iron Throne all day, what’s the point of buying clothes, or expensive sheets, or food? The Seven Kingdoms will provide.
