Help, my cousin is in love with an older woman!

Dear Mai Mai, China And Tingting,

My cousin and I grew up in the same compound so we’re more like siblings than cousins. He’s two years older than me — he’s 20 and I just had my debut. We were really close until about Christmas last year when there was talk that he had a girlfriend who was a lot older than him. I was surprised because he hid this from me and when I confronted him about this, he said he did so because he knew I wasn’t going to approve. He’s had girlfriends before who I never had a problem with and he’s right, I don’t like this relationship because the woman is 11 years his senior and people are talking badly about him. I talked to him about this but he doesn’t care. I don’t think his parents know. Should I tell them? What should I do?

Major Problem

He’s an adult. Leave him alone. You may be angry that he didn’t tell you when you thought you were very close, but you must understand that some things should remain private. If you care for your cousin, I suggest you allow him to have the privacy he needs. As I said, he’s an adult. Respect his decision and let him have the life he wants. Besides, you don’t really know why he likes being with the woman. He has his own reasons so you must back off and let him figure it out.

China

Your cousin obviously knows you well enough to hide this important information from you. He wants to preserve his relationship with the woman and at the same time doesn’t want you to worry about him. My first suggestion is for you not to judge their relationship based on what you hear from others. Step back and be an observer; you at least owe that to your cousin. Next, please consider that even before you told him about it, I am certain your cousin had already heard about all the nasty talk. Right now, he and his girlfriend are into the “you-and-me-against-the world” mode. You should give them the freedom to choose if they can weather all the gossip against them. True love is hard to find. Let your cousin determine if this woman is his true love and be happy for him if it is.

Mai Mai

First of all, you must accept that things change. While you were very close when you were younger, you cannot expect the same closeness when you are older. You must also accept that his choice of girlfriend is his and his alone. It’s none of your business, especially if he doesn’t ask your opinion. That’s how adults should act. But I understand your worry. You obviously care for your cousin and don’t want him to get hurt. Don’t let that worry destroy your relationship. Give him his personal space. Telling his parents, when he’s obviously hiding it from them, would be a big mistake. Let him do that in his own time. In the meantime, I think you should be more accepting, more supportive and less judgmental. If they’re not hurting other people, they should be left alone to nurture their relationship.

Tingting