Am I a flirt?
February 27, 2004 | 12:00am
Some people think that I’m a flirt. How can I change I this misconception? I get along better with guys than girls. But my closest friends are girls. Should I care what they think? I wonder why people think that I’m a flirt. A hubby of an officemate jokingly calls me flirt, even if he is the one who cracks jokes on the phone and says things to make our conversation longer. If I date two guys during the same period does this make me a flirt?
Sugarpuff
First of all, there is nothing wrong with being a little flirtatious. Light, harmless flirting is just another way of being friendly. The important part is knowing who can understand it as that and who might take it the wrong way. You say that you get along better with guys than girls; do you think there may be a possibility that this is the case because the guys like you in a more than friendly way? You should be aware of this possibility, and if that is in fact the case with some of these guys, then you also need to be wary of just how friendly/flirty you are with them. A lot of guys are natural flirts, especially around people they are comfortable with, so don’t be surprised if a guy gets more flirty with you if you seem able to handle it, or even flirt back a little. This may be the case with your officemate’s husband. He’s probably a natural flirt, and because it seems like you can take it, he probably flirts with you more than normal.
Your closest friends are girls, and this is natural as you may have a couple of really close guy friends, but when it comes down to the crunch, there are things you need to get off your chest that you would feel embarrassed telling a guy about. Also, it’s kind of hard talking to a guy about, well… guys. However, it is a lot easier to make new friends or acquaintances with the opposite sex. Possibly because you both automatically let certain defenses down and don’t feel as suspicious of why this person wants to befriend you. If another girl came up and started talking to you out of the blue, you may wonder why she was being so friendly all of a sudden, and be on your guard for a while until you got to know her better. However, if a guy came up to you at a bar or at work and started chatting and flirting a bit, you’d probably accept it more easily as the natural course of things. It’s only natural to find it easier to make conversation with someone of the opposite sex, especially when a bit of flirtation is involved.
Now just because you flirt a bit doesn’t mean that there has to be any malice involved. Like I said before, a lot of it is just being friendly, and also an easy way of joking around and putting someone at ease by being comfortable enough to chat like this with them.
But what about the dating thing? I may be incurring the wrath of a lot of guys out there, but I honestly believe that there is nothing wrong with a girl going out on a date with more than one guy within a close period of time (of course dating them at the exactly the same time could be tricky… she’d have to swap tables at the restaurant every 10 minutes and that would only end up confusing the hell out of the poor waiter). Of course if you and the guy have an understanding that you’re only dating each other exclusively, then obviously you’ll have to stick by that rule (no cheating ha!), but then so will he.
I think it’s unrealistic that there are so many guys out there who think it’s fair for them to date three girls at the same time and still expect all three girls to limit themselves to dating just him. If a guy wants that kind of commitment from a girl, then he’s got to be ready to live by the same rule. That being said however, if you plan to date more than one guy at a time, I think you need to mention that to the guys. Maybe not the nitty gritty details but let them know that you enjoy spending time with them but you still consider yourself single and unattached until you both decide you might want something more serious with each other. Also, you never know what might happen on a date, you may just end up as buddies and then what if you missed out on your dream guy because you didn’t want to date two guys within the same week? However, if you are looking for a relationship, it’s correct protocol to break off dating other guys (they might make pretty good friends actually) when you find a guy you’re really interested in and vice versa. That’s when the exclusivity comes in.
So yes, you are being a bit flirtatious if you’re dating more than one guy at the same time, but as long as you’re completely honest about it, then it’s not necessarily a bad thing. The important thing is to try not to hurt anyone’s feelings along the way, and in this respect you should make sure that the guys you’re dating don’t get too emotionally involved until the two of you decide to be on exclusively. As for the making friends kind of flirting, don’t worry, it’s pretty normal as long as you don’t go overboard. Oh, and just make sure you don’t get too friendly/flirty with someone else’s boyfriend or husband! If a guy is taken, just be friendly unless his partner is already a really good friend of yours. It is never a good idea to interfere with someone else’s happiness.
Marc
Send your questions to question_marc@hotmail.com.
Sugarpuff
First of all, there is nothing wrong with being a little flirtatious. Light, harmless flirting is just another way of being friendly. The important part is knowing who can understand it as that and who might take it the wrong way. You say that you get along better with guys than girls; do you think there may be a possibility that this is the case because the guys like you in a more than friendly way? You should be aware of this possibility, and if that is in fact the case with some of these guys, then you also need to be wary of just how friendly/flirty you are with them. A lot of guys are natural flirts, especially around people they are comfortable with, so don’t be surprised if a guy gets more flirty with you if you seem able to handle it, or even flirt back a little. This may be the case with your officemate’s husband. He’s probably a natural flirt, and because it seems like you can take it, he probably flirts with you more than normal.
Your closest friends are girls, and this is natural as you may have a couple of really close guy friends, but when it comes down to the crunch, there are things you need to get off your chest that you would feel embarrassed telling a guy about. Also, it’s kind of hard talking to a guy about, well… guys. However, it is a lot easier to make new friends or acquaintances with the opposite sex. Possibly because you both automatically let certain defenses down and don’t feel as suspicious of why this person wants to befriend you. If another girl came up and started talking to you out of the blue, you may wonder why she was being so friendly all of a sudden, and be on your guard for a while until you got to know her better. However, if a guy came up to you at a bar or at work and started chatting and flirting a bit, you’d probably accept it more easily as the natural course of things. It’s only natural to find it easier to make conversation with someone of the opposite sex, especially when a bit of flirtation is involved.
Now just because you flirt a bit doesn’t mean that there has to be any malice involved. Like I said before, a lot of it is just being friendly, and also an easy way of joking around and putting someone at ease by being comfortable enough to chat like this with them.
But what about the dating thing? I may be incurring the wrath of a lot of guys out there, but I honestly believe that there is nothing wrong with a girl going out on a date with more than one guy within a close period of time (of course dating them at the exactly the same time could be tricky… she’d have to swap tables at the restaurant every 10 minutes and that would only end up confusing the hell out of the poor waiter). Of course if you and the guy have an understanding that you’re only dating each other exclusively, then obviously you’ll have to stick by that rule (no cheating ha!), but then so will he.
I think it’s unrealistic that there are so many guys out there who think it’s fair for them to date three girls at the same time and still expect all three girls to limit themselves to dating just him. If a guy wants that kind of commitment from a girl, then he’s got to be ready to live by the same rule. That being said however, if you plan to date more than one guy at a time, I think you need to mention that to the guys. Maybe not the nitty gritty details but let them know that you enjoy spending time with them but you still consider yourself single and unattached until you both decide you might want something more serious with each other. Also, you never know what might happen on a date, you may just end up as buddies and then what if you missed out on your dream guy because you didn’t want to date two guys within the same week? However, if you are looking for a relationship, it’s correct protocol to break off dating other guys (they might make pretty good friends actually) when you find a guy you’re really interested in and vice versa. That’s when the exclusivity comes in.
So yes, you are being a bit flirtatious if you’re dating more than one guy at the same time, but as long as you’re completely honest about it, then it’s not necessarily a bad thing. The important thing is to try not to hurt anyone’s feelings along the way, and in this respect you should make sure that the guys you’re dating don’t get too emotionally involved until the two of you decide to be on exclusively. As for the making friends kind of flirting, don’t worry, it’s pretty normal as long as you don’t go overboard. Oh, and just make sure you don’t get too friendly/flirty with someone else’s boyfriend or husband! If a guy is taken, just be friendly unless his partner is already a really good friend of yours. It is never a good idea to interfere with someone else’s happiness.
Marc
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