Boys don’t cry

UP College of Architecture, Class 2003

You don’t put the phone down. The only girl that you’ve ever fallen in love with broke up with you. You throw stuff away, punch the wall, and dive into your bed. Slowly tears run down your cheeks. Faster than a speeding train, you wipe away any sign of weeping. You simply wouldn’t want your roommate or brother to see you in such pathetic form. You hold your breath. You close your eyes. You pull back every drop of tears. You hold back your emotions. You say to yourself that boys aren’t supposed to cry.

Ever since you were a kid, your father continually reminded you that boys do not cry, and that a tear corresponds to losing masculinity. From getting a bruise to losing in a brawl with the neighborhood kids, boys have been programmed not to drop a tear and keep their emotions to themselves. And until this boy matures, he bears this machismo attitude that society has conditioned on to him. He would continually remember the masculine credo that his male elders have imparted on him.

"Boys don’t cry" as one song continually reminds us guys not to shed our tears. I’ve been dumped a couple of times and broke up with girls I envisioned to spend my life with. And I don’t remember letting out tears in all these instances. Well, not in front of them at least. I would wait until I was alone in my room where no one could see or even hear me let out my emotions. In my solitude I would express the misery of losing someone special. I would not dare to share my grief with my barkada. I am restrained by the thought of being branded as a softie or a cry baby by my peers. And as I linger in my solitude and contemplate on my own angst, I feel relief.

In Philippine society, males are regarded as the stronger and firmer of the human species. Being the haligi ng tahanan, this entailed the strict observance of the socially imposed masculine behavior such as a defined posture, crossing of legs, and even the expression of emotions. We are then acclimatized to this social pre-conditioning that we tend to neglect the human side of our kind. We project a sense of toughness that we try to curb emotions. Whenever one of the male species is faced with difficulty or emotional ordeal, the barkada would resort to a case of beer and some tasty pulutan. Soon the sorrows will be drowned in alcohol that crying becomes the least possible thing that a man can do. Crying becomes an invisible part of the male vocabulary. But should this be the case?

Women are found to live longer, according to research, because they are able to express their emotions whenever the need arises. We, on the other hand, tend to keep the various emotions to ourselves that this affects our psycho-physiological aspect. However, this is not a health concern. Suppression of tears in men is just one of the many issues that this macho society has to face. This is not a matter of holding back tears, but rather an issue of masculinity. Is crying really a sign of less masculinity? Have we become so inhuman that we are devoid of emotions? What then makes a real man?

Men who can truly express their emotions are more masculine. Not only because they can face their anger, sorrow or joy but also because they can get in touch with their human side. A man is basically a human who has emotions just like the females, which sets them apart from the other species. A real man knows how to let out his emotions and how to handle them. Boys simply cry and wait until someone comforts them.

I still believe in the saying "boys don’t cry"… but I know that "real men do."